Saturday, June 5, 2021

Grammar Corrections and Other Ways to Say, "I Love You."

 

On Other People's Grammar:

   I so often fall short of my own grammatical goals, Inevitably, I'll publish this with errors, and go back and correct later, or not. Sometimes I want others to know it happens to me too, so I leave it. It's just that it often comes up between friends on the Autism Spectrum. Accuracy in grammar appears, to my experience, to be a shared interest among many of us keeping in mind that, "If you've met one Autistic person, you've met one Autistic person, and yes, I do say, "Autistic person" as well as, "Person with Autism." That particular wording, and reasons behind it belong to the Autistic person saying it, as far as I'm concerned, and I don't mind if you disagree in the least. How grand! I'm o.k./you're o.k., as it were. 
  
   On to the topic, right after this completely irrelevant painting. :) 

"Seascape in Blue" 2012
6x6" Oil on Canvas.


   For me, It depends on my perception of the friendship, but some of these relationships are too tender for me to offer my fallible ideas of correctness. Sometimes accuracy is imperfect when it takes away from the value of a moment or breaks the heart of a dear friend. I may see your grammar error, but it doesn't always matter to me. I, for instance have eyebrows that don't match. Most of my friends graciously overlook it in favor of whatever else they may like about me. Weirdos. Similarly, Eye Donut Kare If U Mizpell a wErd (I do not care if you mispell a word), if I am perceptive enough to see it's coming from your heart. If I'm not or it isn't, I've no problem simply leaving. Why torture eachother?

    If I think your goal is to be accurate and you've asked me to edit, I'll be happy to red pencil your commas. I don't do it for free indefinitely. Just like painting or tutorials. I value me. :)

   If you are many, but not all Autistic people, I might point out the error out of sheer mercy, because I know my own errors bother me, and if you're like me, you would probably appreciate the help from a like minded person who would never point it out for the purpose of harm, but out of compassion. Autistic people are generally very kind and helpful.

    I've learned a lot of people like my kindness, but are not so big on my (Questionable) grammatical skills. I'm not here to edit the world. Sometimes my best contribution is to enjoy it even if I don't like the extra spice of a misplaced participle. It's not my thing, and my eyebrows may not be theirs. If they can afford me lenience, I too can offer it, even if we both may be getting on one another's last nerve. I'm tough. I've survived worse, and I like the people I like.

     I do have an extensive list of what's important to me in any kind of relationship. I love book learnin' and grammar that is socially acceptable according to the Encyclopedia Britannica crowd (You sexy bunch!), but it's far, far down the list of what matters to me personally. If you're kind, I don't care how you talk or write. If you're unkind, be gone or fuck off -whatever phraseology you prefer.

    I've become more flexible, and let it not go without saying (as always) not all Autistic people are alike. I am able to bend more than some just like Neurotypicals. I'm also perhaps more aware of how my actions impact others than some are. I think this is learned in me, resulting from experience having had people tell me they were upset over me trying to help them by correcting their grammar. It doesn't have to make sense to me in order for me to understand, they, for whatever reason, don't like it. I, therefore, don't do it with that person.

   I don't like sweet potatoes, and it's kind when you don't give them to me anyway. Similarly, you may not like grammatical correction, and respecting your tastes, I wont give them to you. We shall keep our respective grammar and sweet potatoes to ourselves out of compassion. I'm still authentically me. I just don't share that facet of myself with that person. There are things about you I'd rather not know too. 

  Further, finding that skill of mine had monetary value, I've become less likely to dole out editorial flare, such as it is, with just anyone. I am not here to earn your accolades, degrees or paychecks. I have had people, "Want me for my brain," and I'm talking to you, Autistic people and anyone with a particular skill(s): 
You are valuable and worthy of respect as a whole human being. 
You are valuable and worthy of respect as a whole human being. 
You are valuable and worthy of respect as a whole human being. 
(No need to, "Read that again," which is gaslighting whether or not I think you want or warrant an edit.)

    If I think someone is being intentionally antagonistic, I'm not likely to respond, because they've bored me. This is difficult, as I also don't respond when I've nothing to add to your observation as well. Often, I feel you've said it better than I cud. [sic] :D Sometimes, it's because I want you to shine. If I could, I'd go back and draw a Yellow highlight over your words. Many are far smarter than I am and have insights I might never have had. Sometimes, it's that I'm accustomed to you enjoying the last word, and I'm happy to allow it. I enjoy it when you, "Win." I'm serious about that, it's fun for me. Sometimes, I've had a trusted friend point out the person was trying to be mean. It's disconcerting, as I wonder what is bothering them, but it's also fun, because (LOL!) I didn't get it, therefore, it didn't work. I get amused, and lacking theory of mind, I assume the, "Mean" person trying to hurt me is in on the game, and we'll try it again sometime. I really want others to succeed in whatever their goals are. I believe in you! I think you're smart enough to know that it's a game too. I mean, you created the game. I wouldn't have thought of it, but it's brilliant. What a great idea! Bravo! We shall play cat and mouse purely for entertainment purposes, and I'll be gentle, I promise. 

    My preference for grammatical correctness is a lot like a dick and religion. I'm not going to shove it down your throat. Sometimes correctness is imperfect, and I find the sweetness of exactitude in a little tenderness. Often, I let a lot slide in order to hit the right spot that expresses my care for another, be it through editing, asking them to clarify their aim, or simply enjoying the person as they are just as I would have them enjoy me. They, after all are certainly letting a lot slide about me. For the most part, Autistic or Neurotypical, I believe we're on the same team

On Asking:

     I cannot always intuit what a conversation calls for from me. I have to ask, and if it doesn't occur to me, others have to ask me for what they need. In fact, it's every so much more effective, if they tell me what they need. 
 
    Failing to say what we need is a problem not limited to Autistic/Neurotypical interactions. In fact it is the source of many a failure of marriages, friendships and the loss of many sweet familial relationships. Not everything can be solved by saying what we need, but it does a lot toward whittling down the amount of effort it takes to enjoy the company of another human being in all areas of life. 

   To my way of seeing, among the cisgendered, this problem seems more pronounced among Neurotypical females who being perhaps more aware of the subtlety of expression in Neurotypical males as well as what's been socially acceptable for their own behaviors and desires, may be unfairly burdened with unreasonable repercussions, real or feared of, for simply saying, "I want...." I have less of a problem with it due to Autism which makes me less impressed by the judgements of others, but I'm not at all immune. I've had to grow the bravery to ask too, and I admire anyone with the courage to confront those fears regardless of Neurological identification or gender identification. It's not easy, but it pays in dividends. As well put, "Ask and ye shall receive." If it's a true need, and they continually couldn't care less, perhaps reevaluate why you're asking that person. You may need something they simply don't have in store. I've seen this problem in terms of compassion. If they don't have it, and I need it, I can ask all day, and will never receive it. Further, the way they have of expressing even an abundance of compassion, may not be they type with which I feel safe.
 
    We, each of us, don't fit all other humans. We also don't *not fit all other humans. :) We are perfectly different individuals just like the next person.

   If I realize my own humanness, I must certainly realize it in others. I'm not sure friendship or any kind of love exists without necessary error. Where does love get to exercise, if you are but a reflection of fallible me? Although often beyond my reach, the willingness to embrace a dash of chaos like an error in grammar may be the perfect order. 

I'm a delightful mess, and so are you. How wonderful! 

tinajonesart