tinajonesart blog. Here, you'll find the thoughts of an artist, possibly some artwork, and most definately me.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Oil Portrait Back to Basics, and Thank You! 5Yr. Anniversary on Youtube!
A Big Thank You to all of my Youtube subscribers, and the wonderful people at About.com's Painting Forum!
tina jones
Thursday, April 12, 2012
HUMOR: Autism: Ongoing Understanding of Neurotypicals (Eyeballs)
It's not men in particular. Women do it too, and I had an awkward eyeballing from a lady today at a department store. The usual, she leaned in to try to get into my direct line of vision, and having gone through this a few days earlier, I caved in exhaustion. I looked at her, dead on without so much as protective sunglasses. She started to speak oddly smiling in a overtly friendly sort of way, or it may have been she knew a better brand of peanut butter than I had, but I was saved by the cashier announcing my total. I paid and left.
On to the "fairer sex." I'd gone to the grocery store a few days ago with a few items of sensible need in mind. As usual, this is a hunt, procure, pay and go home mission for me, where my only hope is to get the groceries. There truly is no other motive in mind. I'm not kidding. I actually just want groceries, but there's a price to paid, and if it were mere dollars, it would be so much simpler.
One who wishes to attain cheese, a few vegetables and maybe chewing gum when I'm feeling brave, must interact with (even if that interaction is avoiding) people. It's work, and days come when I don't know if Dentyne and Rutabagas are worth it. Many days they aren't. Still, time comes to go. Forge ahead no matter the gauntlet of sudden touch-ers, pretend smilers and people who need to talk about growing grass. (I still haven't figured that out.)
A gauntlet, which I often forget about, until I'm in the store, is always there. I don't know why they shop on the same days, same times I do. I go at different times, and it's always different people. One never knows when there will be a sudden need for tomatoes, but these needs arise, and meet the challenge, I do.
I got out of the car, lamenting once again, the list I made and forgot to bring. To my task, I headed in the breezeway door, aiming for the shopping carts, six rows going from my left to far left. Row 1: Had garbage in it. Garbage appeared to be a used tissue and a plastic stick of some sort. Decision made! I immediately look to Row 2: Clean cart! I aimed myself toward it when.....
I noticed that two men were in front of me. I noticed this, because while checking the carts, my peripheral vision was in overdrive, and one of the two might have hit a wall, he was so busy looking backwards. I was cart-focused! I didn't have time for that, and I had food that needed me to get it! Mostly, I noticed them, because he pulled the cart from Row 1 without looking at it to offer it to me, and nearly hit me with it.
I was diverted! I didn't want the used tissue cart. I was in a predicament. You see, I don't care much what people think about me, but I do care about hurting people's feelings. I still hadn't made direct eye contact. (I needed that strength to get my groceries, and I hadn't even gotten in the door yet.), Mr. Chivalrous was handing me the booger tissue cart, and I didn't know what to do!
Fast I could, I grabbed the cart he had, because it was in my way, and I said, "Thank you. That's very kind!" and I ran into the store, fleeing to the rutabagas, toting my used tissue cart. Breathing, I consigned myself to only using the small upper section for what little I needed, leaving the offending tissue in place.
Peripheral vision can be such a pain, and I'm not just talking about the used tissue I pushed around the store with me! I thought I'd lost him, or them, but no. It wasn't seconds after I'd sorted the Sharp Cheddar, that I turned and there was Prince Valiant in Flannel, leaning heavily into my line of site. He didn't realize obviously that everything is in my line of sight, and he was trying to make eye contact! Didn't I already mention I didn't have the energy for that? He leaned in, oncoming from my left, and I leaned right with my pupils. He still in full view, did not in fact, make eye contact, and I escaped the intrusion! Yay!
I made it to the checkout lanes, and yes, there he rounded approaching right. I should get store discounts for having to work this hard! Finally, I say Finally, he seemed to have responded to what I would call my obvious cues of, "I just want some vegetables!!! " and he pulled his cart back away from me, and moved into the next lane. Fortunately, his lane was behind me as I paid my cashier, so none of that leaning stuff continued.
With men, I have to be careful. Looking at them dead on does one of two things. One of them, is scaring them. The other too often involves divorce attorneys.
tina jones
On to the "fairer sex." I'd gone to the grocery store a few days ago with a few items of sensible need in mind. As usual, this is a hunt, procure, pay and go home mission for me, where my only hope is to get the groceries. There truly is no other motive in mind. I'm not kidding. I actually just want groceries, but there's a price to paid, and if it were mere dollars, it would be so much simpler.
One who wishes to attain cheese, a few vegetables and maybe chewing gum when I'm feeling brave, must interact with (even if that interaction is avoiding) people. It's work, and days come when I don't know if Dentyne and Rutabagas are worth it. Many days they aren't. Still, time comes to go. Forge ahead no matter the gauntlet of sudden touch-ers, pretend smilers and people who need to talk about growing grass. (I still haven't figured that out.)
A gauntlet, which I often forget about, until I'm in the store, is always there. I don't know why they shop on the same days, same times I do. I go at different times, and it's always different people. One never knows when there will be a sudden need for tomatoes, but these needs arise, and meet the challenge, I do.
I got out of the car, lamenting once again, the list I made and forgot to bring. To my task, I headed in the breezeway door, aiming for the shopping carts, six rows going from my left to far left. Row 1: Had garbage in it. Garbage appeared to be a used tissue and a plastic stick of some sort. Decision made! I immediately look to Row 2: Clean cart! I aimed myself toward it when.....
I noticed that two men were in front of me. I noticed this, because while checking the carts, my peripheral vision was in overdrive, and one of the two might have hit a wall, he was so busy looking backwards. I was cart-focused! I didn't have time for that, and I had food that needed me to get it! Mostly, I noticed them, because he pulled the cart from Row 1 without looking at it to offer it to me, and nearly hit me with it.
I was diverted! I didn't want the used tissue cart. I was in a predicament. You see, I don't care much what people think about me, but I do care about hurting people's feelings. I still hadn't made direct eye contact. (I needed that strength to get my groceries, and I hadn't even gotten in the door yet.), Mr. Chivalrous was handing me the booger tissue cart, and I didn't know what to do!
Fast I could, I grabbed the cart he had, because it was in my way, and I said, "Thank you. That's very kind!" and I ran into the store, fleeing to the rutabagas, toting my used tissue cart. Breathing, I consigned myself to only using the small upper section for what little I needed, leaving the offending tissue in place.
Peripheral vision can be such a pain, and I'm not just talking about the used tissue I pushed around the store with me! I thought I'd lost him, or them, but no. It wasn't seconds after I'd sorted the Sharp Cheddar, that I turned and there was Prince Valiant in Flannel, leaning heavily into my line of site. He didn't realize obviously that everything is in my line of sight, and he was trying to make eye contact! Didn't I already mention I didn't have the energy for that? He leaned in, oncoming from my left, and I leaned right with my pupils. He still in full view, did not in fact, make eye contact, and I escaped the intrusion! Yay!
I made it to the checkout lanes, and yes, there he rounded approaching right. I should get store discounts for having to work this hard! Finally, I say Finally, he seemed to have responded to what I would call my obvious cues of, "I just want some vegetables!!! " and he pulled his cart back away from me, and moved into the next lane. Fortunately, his lane was behind me as I paid my cashier, so none of that leaning stuff continued.
With men, I have to be careful. Looking at them dead on does one of two things. One of them, is scaring them. The other too often involves divorce attorneys.
tina jones
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Artists: Care of our Most Important Tools: Our Hands
I love my brushes! Care for them takes time and diligence. Between paintings, I scrape my palette, clean my paint tube caps. I change my turpentine, and occasionally, I even clean my glasses! hehe.
What about the tools we use more than any others as artists? No matter the task, most of us are using our hands, and they do a lot more than painting or sketching. In and out of dish water, cooking, laundry, housekeeping and sometimes gardening, they can suffer a lot of abuse. Add to that, many like me suffer from arthritis. My hands get cold and stiff when painting, and sometimes I have to remove the brush from my hand with my other hand when joints don't move easily.We care for families, nurture fellow artists and friends, and for me time is well spent, between paintings taking care of myself.
Originally, I made this two part video simply to show how I do a manicure including exfoliating and hand massage. I looked then at my new blank canvas, and thought of my artist friends, and wondered how many of you had been good to yourselves today.
Most of you have been so good to me, and I know you know how to be tender, because you've nurtured me. smiles. So, if for no other reason than to remind you that you're important too, here's the second part of my manicure videos showing a little self love. smiles. Take care of those hands. I need you to keep creating!
with love,
tina jones
Here's a link to Part 1, and the video below goes directly to Part 2: Exfoliating and Massage (The best part!)
Monday, April 9, 2012
Propaganda of Autism
I'd like you to imagine you live in a world of adults only. That's right, you somehow appeared as an adult, and you've never seen a child. There are only adults everywhere you look, and you are thinking about having a child, so you look for information, like words, photos, anything, but all you find is this portrayal of a screaming child having a fit in a grocery store.
That's right. That is your ONLY information about a normal child. It's true information. We've all seen kids go through this. We've been exhausted while other people offered dubiously helpful stares or inconsiderate advice, and a large number of us have been mildly to severely nuts over it at times. Raising children takes 110% of whatever you've got, and it's hard, rewarding, crazy, miraculous and everything in between.
Imagine now, that this being your only information a company with, lets say blue shamrocks keeps putting out this sorry lack of information, negative with no positives, no hope of anything but this screaming, miserable kid, with desperate parents, mid breakdowns wanting help. This company then asks you for money to cure this acting out, and even prevent it. That's right, they want to do prenatal testing to keep these normal kids from being born. After all who wants the embarrassment and work right? The kids must be miserable if everyone is looking, right? So you and several others with big hearts send money for research, meanwhile desperate parents are still desperate, but hey! It might keep someone else from suffering the terrible two's! We must eradicate this! We HATE terrible twos, right? At that age they are so self absorbed, feelings always on the surface, and they don't know how to handle them, so if we get rid of whatever CAUSES terrible two's, the world will be a happier place, and the human race will be more pure. Uh oh....sound sorta...shhh (Nazi?) No, of course not, it's just that they don't have "lives worth living." It's a matter of human dignity, Right?
Ok, so that's a farce. Silly, I mean it's just a child going through a phase. Some kids move through it pretty quick, and others take longer. Take Autistic kids for instance. This stage can last quite a while, and it's hard on parents and the kids. Most people forget the kids are having a rough time, and it's not candy they cry over. More often it's too much noise or the flickering lights in grocery stores, but they do scream, maybe more often than the next "normal" kid, maybe not. That depends on the individual. I screamed, banged my head, chewed my tongue; still have a gnaw at it when I've a mind to.
Yes, of course I have my positives, but considering the video you saw is likely the ONLY kind most people have seen on Autism, surely I should be euthanized. I must be miserable, right? Guess again.
The only time I really get bent out of shape is when I realize that most people are uninformed or getting their information from people who push the lie that Autistic people are either screaming in the floor or acting like Rainman quoting dates or phonebooks or whatever. It's not your fault, and that is why people like me write, to hopefully give some kind of indication about the realities of Autism. It's tough, it's stressful, it's rewarding, it's beautiful, amazing....EVERYTHING your life is.
People who only get screaming child information, then have a child who is Autistic, have No information that would lead to any reason for hope of things ever getting better. There have been more homicides of Autistic children often followed by suicides of their parents in the last few years than I can count, largely due to the lack of realistic hope. Yes, I said, "Realistic Hope." Who's is responsible for this misinformation? Think about it...Who stands to gain from it?
Keep the children. Get rid of the terrorism tactics. From a woman with Asperger's who is the Mom of a severely autistic son, who saw him grow up, and become the beautiful human being he has always been, even when people in grocery stores doubted. FOR: All of the Mom's and Dad's out there too busy loving their children, Autistic or not, to put up with any more bull.
tina jones
That's right. That is your ONLY information about a normal child. It's true information. We've all seen kids go through this. We've been exhausted while other people offered dubiously helpful stares or inconsiderate advice, and a large number of us have been mildly to severely nuts over it at times. Raising children takes 110% of whatever you've got, and it's hard, rewarding, crazy, miraculous and everything in between.
Imagine now, that this being your only information a company with, lets say blue shamrocks keeps putting out this sorry lack of information, negative with no positives, no hope of anything but this screaming, miserable kid, with desperate parents, mid breakdowns wanting help. This company then asks you for money to cure this acting out, and even prevent it. That's right, they want to do prenatal testing to keep these normal kids from being born. After all who wants the embarrassment and work right? The kids must be miserable if everyone is looking, right? So you and several others with big hearts send money for research, meanwhile desperate parents are still desperate, but hey! It might keep someone else from suffering the terrible two's! We must eradicate this! We HATE terrible twos, right? At that age they are so self absorbed, feelings always on the surface, and they don't know how to handle them, so if we get rid of whatever CAUSES terrible two's, the world will be a happier place, and the human race will be more pure. Uh oh....sound sorta...shhh (Nazi?) No, of course not, it's just that they don't have "lives worth living." It's a matter of human dignity, Right?
Ok, so that's a farce. Silly, I mean it's just a child going through a phase. Some kids move through it pretty quick, and others take longer. Take Autistic kids for instance. This stage can last quite a while, and it's hard on parents and the kids. Most people forget the kids are having a rough time, and it's not candy they cry over. More often it's too much noise or the flickering lights in grocery stores, but they do scream, maybe more often than the next "normal" kid, maybe not. That depends on the individual. I screamed, banged my head, chewed my tongue; still have a gnaw at it when I've a mind to.
Yes, of course I have my positives, but considering the video you saw is likely the ONLY kind most people have seen on Autism, surely I should be euthanized. I must be miserable, right? Guess again.
The only time I really get bent out of shape is when I realize that most people are uninformed or getting their information from people who push the lie that Autistic people are either screaming in the floor or acting like Rainman quoting dates or phonebooks or whatever. It's not your fault, and that is why people like me write, to hopefully give some kind of indication about the realities of Autism. It's tough, it's stressful, it's rewarding, it's beautiful, amazing....EVERYTHING your life is.
People who only get screaming child information, then have a child who is Autistic, have No information that would lead to any reason for hope of things ever getting better. There have been more homicides of Autistic children often followed by suicides of their parents in the last few years than I can count, largely due to the lack of realistic hope. Yes, I said, "Realistic Hope." Who's is responsible for this misinformation? Think about it...Who stands to gain from it?
Keep the children. Get rid of the terrorism tactics. From a woman with Asperger's who is the Mom of a severely autistic son, who saw him grow up, and become the beautiful human being he has always been, even when people in grocery stores doubted. FOR: All of the Mom's and Dad's out there too busy loving their children, Autistic or not, to put up with any more bull.
tina jones
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| "Don't Throw the Baby Out With the Propaganda" 11x14" Oil on Canvas |
Saturday, March 24, 2012
No Bake Cookies Candy: Low Carb (With extra giggles!)
Hi All,
Many who know me, know that for reasons unknown to even me, bacon makes me laugh. I'm not always sure about showing my recipes as I'm not much of a cook. I'm barely learning low carb cooking as I've only been doing it some eight years. Prior to that, nearly every recipe was made with some combination of Flour and Sugar. Of course those things won't do for those leading a Low Carb Lifestyle, so I've come up with a few simple, low carb and light-hearted tricks along the way. Silly as they may sound, I've discovered come up with a few pretty good recipes. This one hits my "I need something crunchy, salty, sweet spot!"
Here's:
No Bake Cookies Candy Low Carb:
Ingredients and directions written below.
(Absolutely no bloopers were removed from this video. Laughing is good exercise! hehe)
No Bake Cookies Candy Low Carb
1/4th Cup Unsweetened Coconut
(Toast in toaster oven one minute or until lightly browned. Set aside)
1-3.5oz. Bag Plain Pork Rinds Crushed however you see fit to do so. (Note tip in video. Set Aside.
In a large mixing bowl Microwave Following three ingredients for 30-45 seconds on High, or until butter is nearly melted.
5Tablespoons Butter
2Tablespoons Natural Unsweetened Peanut Butter
1/4 Cup Sugar Free Maple Syrup
Mix melted ingredients with fork and add:
3Tablespoons + 1tsp Baking Cocoa (plain no sugar)
1tsp Truvia (You may substitute one packet of Splenda, however keep in mind that packets have fillers, that need to count as 1 carb each.)
Pour in Crushed Pork Rinds, and mix with fork, breaking up any larger pieces. This should take a minute or two. What begins very dry will become more moist.
Pour mixture onto a foil covered baking sheet, and use spatula or clean hands to form it into a rectangle. I made mine about 7x9. You could make it any size as long as it's squared off.
Sprinke top with toasted coconut, and pat down so the coconut sticks.
Freeze about 30 minutes.
Using a large knife, cut into 16 squares. Return to freezer to harden. These are ready in less than an hour total freezer time, and should be stored in the freezer.
Total carbs: : 12.6
16 pieces= 0.79 Net Carbs each
(Tip: For a super low carb version, omit coconut and peanut butter, and increase butter to 7Tbsp. This will yield 16 pieces= 0.41 Net Carbs each.
Many who know me, know that for reasons unknown to even me, bacon makes me laugh. I'm not always sure about showing my recipes as I'm not much of a cook. I'm barely learning low carb cooking as I've only been doing it some eight years. Prior to that, nearly every recipe was made with some combination of Flour and Sugar. Of course those things won't do for those leading a Low Carb Lifestyle, so I've come up with a few simple, low carb and light-hearted tricks along the way. Silly as they may sound, I've discovered come up with a few pretty good recipes. This one hits my "I need something crunchy, salty, sweet spot!"
Here's:
No Bake Cookies Candy Low Carb:
Ingredients and directions written below.
(Absolutely no bloopers were removed from this video. Laughing is good exercise! hehe)
No Bake Cookies Candy Low Carb
1/4th Cup Unsweetened Coconut
(Toast in toaster oven one minute or until lightly browned. Set aside)
1-3.5oz. Bag Plain Pork Rinds Crushed however you see fit to do so. (Note tip in video. Set Aside.
In a large mixing bowl Microwave Following three ingredients for 30-45 seconds on High, or until butter is nearly melted.
5Tablespoons Butter
2Tablespoons Natural Unsweetened Peanut Butter
1/4 Cup Sugar Free Maple Syrup
Mix melted ingredients with fork and add:
3Tablespoons + 1tsp Baking Cocoa (plain no sugar)
1tsp Truvia (You may substitute one packet of Splenda, however keep in mind that packets have fillers, that need to count as 1 carb each.)
Pour in Crushed Pork Rinds, and mix with fork, breaking up any larger pieces. This should take a minute or two. What begins very dry will become more moist.
Pour mixture onto a foil covered baking sheet, and use spatula or clean hands to form it into a rectangle. I made mine about 7x9. You could make it any size as long as it's squared off.
Sprinke top with toasted coconut, and pat down so the coconut sticks.
Freeze about 30 minutes.
Using a large knife, cut into 16 squares. Return to freezer to harden. These are ready in less than an hour total freezer time, and should be stored in the freezer.
Total carbs: : 12.6
16 pieces= 0.79 Net Carbs each
(Tip: For a super low carb version, omit coconut and peanut butter, and increase butter to 7Tbsp. This will yield 16 pieces= 0.41 Net Carbs each.
Monday, March 19, 2012
Welcome to Autism: Ongoing Study of Neurotypicals
I'm going to ask you to take a leap from severe circumstances of Autism to the positive and logical aspects of it. I'll even ask that you look at the gifts of this way of being. Yes, there are debilitating aspects, but that is not my focus for this piece. I offer a look through my eyes at Neurotypicals, especially where research to fix Autistic people is discussed and implemented.
Please keep in mind that everything I write is from my personal experience, and from personally formed opinion. I am not a professional. I'm a person with Autism who can type, so for those who can't communicate, I offer my best:
Having Autism to me is like living in a world where everyone but me is partially drunk. This is in no way a cut down to Neurotypicals, and is not meant to offend in any way. I am speaking of having more intensity of sensation only.
If you've every been around a person who has drank a bit too much, you may be able to understand this. They get a little too loud and flamboyant. Their facial expressions go to extremes, and their emotional outpouring goes over the top. Instead of laughing, they guffaw, and instead of weeping, they bawl uncontrollably. They don't just like people, they love them and they hang on people, leaning heavily on others physically. They become too demonstrative, too touchy-feely, too loud and too invasive of personal space.
Most people know exactly what it is like to be around someone who is inebriated when you are not, and it is not pleasant.
Now, imagine if you will that these inebriated people want to know what is wrong with you, as they often do. Why aren't you joining in on their, "fun?" It's obvious to the sober person that they are not behaving well, but to the drunk, it isn't. Infact, they are the "normal" one.
Take it another step.Imagine that being in a state of partial or total drunken lack of sensibility, numbing of the senses to the point of overdoing everything from touch to vocalizing is so "normal" that they begin doing studies to figure out what "toxins, environmental factors" or "genetics" caused you to be sober. After all, you don't laugh when they do, or it's understated in comparison. You have a weird sense of personal space that doesn't fall all over people. There must be some fundamental "malfunction" in you.
Goodness knows they love you. It shows and shows loudly! They begin doing research to figure out what caused your problem, because they care so deeply, loudly and obnoxiously, to you. Then again, you're the one with the problem, and they want to find out why you think they are obnoxious. They want to cure you of this problem.
Welcome to Autism.
My example is an extreme, but not far fetched. Your sober sensibilities, and the sensations you experience are more acute than the drunk's. Mine are more acute than yours. The drunk has trouble seeing and hearing and numbed physical sensation. Again, mine are more acute than the sober person's.
Did a toxin cause you to "feel" less than I do? Did a toxin cause me to feel more? Did a toxin cause you to feel more than the drunk person? Are you "malfunctioning," because you are far more sensitive than the person who is drunk? Am I "malfunctioning," because I see and hear and feel details that you might miss?
Let's take out the drunk person, and imagine that all people Autistic and Neurotypical feel things to different levels. Some say men and women experience things differently. Is there something fundamentally "malfunctioning" in a man who does not spill tears when he sees a sad movie, or is he built differently than a woman? Is there something fundamentally "malfunctioning" in a new mom who has a sympathetic nervous system response when she hears a baby cry, after all not every man will start lactating over it. Is a toxin causing her "malfunction?"
Maybe, just maybe something is very right with all of the differences in how people react. Causes? What if it wasn't toxins or "bad" genetics? What if some positives like good nutrition and love "caused" Autism? As long as we see any state of being as negative, we will continue to look for negative causes. There are postives, and these are totally ignored most of the time, and I'm appauled. (Look back at the drunk trying to figure out what's wrong with you, further, let them get government grants for their research in trying to fix your problem of not falling all over people. Now take the humor out. Incorporate behavioral therapy up to and including electric shock as is the case in the Judge Rotenburg Center, and maybe you'll have an idea of what it is like to look upon the world in utter dismay, if not fear.
How long are we going to have to be patient with people who want to force us to be like everyone else? As long as it takes. Meanwhile, we self advocate, we type or speak where some of us can't, and we try with everything we have to get people to absorb the idea that it's ok to be different, to feel differently, to laugh when something truly is funny, and to cry when we need to, rather than when society has deemed it socially acceptable.
And Autistic people are not "angels." I think in terms of humanity being whole and being "one," and I search for the good even in those that appear often drunk to me (I've been a drunk in the past. I know), I have compassion for every way of being, and I get angry sometimes.
There is such limitation to what is acceptable as normal, that many are willing to obliterate the good in people, because they may have a difference. We Autistics oftimes reference certain accepted "geniuses" of our time to demonstrate good in us. Well, not all of us are geniuses. Some of us just have good hearts. Yes some like me rank in the 98th percentile in some areas, and some like me rank far, far below average in other areas.
Do I need fixing? No thank you. I don't want to live in a state of numbness or drunkeness or whatever word you'd apply to not feeling, sensing, seeing, hearing every last detail that I do. I don't want to be someone that falls all over people and doesn't get that the show of boundaries is a show of loving respect. I do not want to be someone who is so afraid to look at their own faults that they would research to fix someone else's. I don't want to follow herd's disregarding my own morals as has been shown throughout time. Trust that no Autistic person is going to be a victim of a Jim Jones mass suicide. We cannot think as a group to the point of our own detriment and yours, because we have minds of our own.
Put a "normal" teen to the task of deciding whether to succumb to possibly harmful peer pressure. Let's say the next fad is just as dangerous as the riding on top of cars one, setting off fire alarms or wearing the next fad of foot deforming shoes, and you'll see a kid breaking into a fear sweat. Fitting in gets prioritized over personal safety. Put a kid with "Asperger's" in the same situation, and the child will simply decide if the behavior is idiotic or logical and do it or not accordingly. Which group needs fixing? Does either, or is this part of the human condition to have a variety of minds? If there were no kids with Asperger's, who do you think in any group of herd-like children who are ready to "jump off a bridge, just because their friends are," is going to take the adult role and suggest an alternative?
Calming down the intensity of sensations: Sure, there are times when usually neurotypicals are behaving like yard apes that I would like to be able to numb myself. Again, I tried drinking, but that failed miserably. Do I want to medicate me, so the world will act better? No. That's insane. What I have to do is accept that others are louder, have strange affinities to purposeless touching, poking and prodding while discussing weather with strangers, and want to fix "me." I feel it of utmost importance if study is to be of any use to study others with PTSD who do not have Autism. They experience this same level of intensified feeling in reaction to the world about them, and I've yet to meet an Autistic person who does not have some circumstance that triggered a PTSD reaction. We are by nature trusting, and often this leads us into abusive situations. If we're not lead, merely being different is enough to illicit abuse, and though we are born with heightened senses, the effects of PTSD cannot be overlooked as aggravating what was a born gift into a detriment that is often disabling.
The studies reveal a lot about the person doing the studies, and I don't think they realize that peope like me are studying the scientists to try to figure out why they think they way they do. It's fascinating! Yes, they're talking about people like me, but the preservation of words like, "abnormal, malfunctioning," and " bad" leads me to wonder what "causes" this predisposition to negativity, and the self avoiding desire to correct the honesty that bothers them in others. The incessant pointing of fingers, lack of interest in improving their own "malfunctions" leads me to conclude that Autism is to them a fantastic way to live in denial. As long as we focus on what's "wrong" with others, be it another country, another way of thinking, another religion, another way of making art, another way of showing respect, another culture, another gender, WE DON'T HAVE TO LOOK AT OURSELVES.
For this reason, I believe these Neurotypicals are genius. As smart as the paperwork says I am, I could never have come up with anything like that.
Still, money, time and research are being poured into curing us of our clarity of thinking. Sighs.
Welcome to Autism.
tina jones
Please keep in mind that everything I write is from my personal experience, and from personally formed opinion. I am not a professional. I'm a person with Autism who can type, so for those who can't communicate, I offer my best:
Having Autism to me is like living in a world where everyone but me is partially drunk. This is in no way a cut down to Neurotypicals, and is not meant to offend in any way. I am speaking of having more intensity of sensation only.
If you've every been around a person who has drank a bit too much, you may be able to understand this. They get a little too loud and flamboyant. Their facial expressions go to extremes, and their emotional outpouring goes over the top. Instead of laughing, they guffaw, and instead of weeping, they bawl uncontrollably. They don't just like people, they love them and they hang on people, leaning heavily on others physically. They become too demonstrative, too touchy-feely, too loud and too invasive of personal space.
Most people know exactly what it is like to be around someone who is inebriated when you are not, and it is not pleasant.
Now, imagine if you will that these inebriated people want to know what is wrong with you, as they often do. Why aren't you joining in on their, "fun?" It's obvious to the sober person that they are not behaving well, but to the drunk, it isn't. Infact, they are the "normal" one.
Take it another step.Imagine that being in a state of partial or total drunken lack of sensibility, numbing of the senses to the point of overdoing everything from touch to vocalizing is so "normal" that they begin doing studies to figure out what "toxins, environmental factors" or "genetics" caused you to be sober. After all, you don't laugh when they do, or it's understated in comparison. You have a weird sense of personal space that doesn't fall all over people. There must be some fundamental "malfunction" in you.
Goodness knows they love you. It shows and shows loudly! They begin doing research to figure out what caused your problem, because they care so deeply, loudly and obnoxiously, to you. Then again, you're the one with the problem, and they want to find out why you think they are obnoxious. They want to cure you of this problem.
Welcome to Autism.
My example is an extreme, but not far fetched. Your sober sensibilities, and the sensations you experience are more acute than the drunk's. Mine are more acute than yours. The drunk has trouble seeing and hearing and numbed physical sensation. Again, mine are more acute than the sober person's.
Did a toxin cause you to "feel" less than I do? Did a toxin cause me to feel more? Did a toxin cause you to feel more than the drunk person? Are you "malfunctioning," because you are far more sensitive than the person who is drunk? Am I "malfunctioning," because I see and hear and feel details that you might miss?
Let's take out the drunk person, and imagine that all people Autistic and Neurotypical feel things to different levels. Some say men and women experience things differently. Is there something fundamentally "malfunctioning" in a man who does not spill tears when he sees a sad movie, or is he built differently than a woman? Is there something fundamentally "malfunctioning" in a new mom who has a sympathetic nervous system response when she hears a baby cry, after all not every man will start lactating over it. Is a toxin causing her "malfunction?"
Maybe, just maybe something is very right with all of the differences in how people react. Causes? What if it wasn't toxins or "bad" genetics? What if some positives like good nutrition and love "caused" Autism? As long as we see any state of being as negative, we will continue to look for negative causes. There are postives, and these are totally ignored most of the time, and I'm appauled. (Look back at the drunk trying to figure out what's wrong with you, further, let them get government grants for their research in trying to fix your problem of not falling all over people. Now take the humor out. Incorporate behavioral therapy up to and including electric shock as is the case in the Judge Rotenburg Center, and maybe you'll have an idea of what it is like to look upon the world in utter dismay, if not fear.
How long are we going to have to be patient with people who want to force us to be like everyone else? As long as it takes. Meanwhile, we self advocate, we type or speak where some of us can't, and we try with everything we have to get people to absorb the idea that it's ok to be different, to feel differently, to laugh when something truly is funny, and to cry when we need to, rather than when society has deemed it socially acceptable.
And Autistic people are not "angels." I think in terms of humanity being whole and being "one," and I search for the good even in those that appear often drunk to me (I've been a drunk in the past. I know), I have compassion for every way of being, and I get angry sometimes.
There is such limitation to what is acceptable as normal, that many are willing to obliterate the good in people, because they may have a difference. We Autistics oftimes reference certain accepted "geniuses" of our time to demonstrate good in us. Well, not all of us are geniuses. Some of us just have good hearts. Yes some like me rank in the 98th percentile in some areas, and some like me rank far, far below average in other areas.
Do I need fixing? No thank you. I don't want to live in a state of numbness or drunkeness or whatever word you'd apply to not feeling, sensing, seeing, hearing every last detail that I do. I don't want to be someone that falls all over people and doesn't get that the show of boundaries is a show of loving respect. I do not want to be someone who is so afraid to look at their own faults that they would research to fix someone else's. I don't want to follow herd's disregarding my own morals as has been shown throughout time. Trust that no Autistic person is going to be a victim of a Jim Jones mass suicide. We cannot think as a group to the point of our own detriment and yours, because we have minds of our own.
Put a "normal" teen to the task of deciding whether to succumb to possibly harmful peer pressure. Let's say the next fad is just as dangerous as the riding on top of cars one, setting off fire alarms or wearing the next fad of foot deforming shoes, and you'll see a kid breaking into a fear sweat. Fitting in gets prioritized over personal safety. Put a kid with "Asperger's" in the same situation, and the child will simply decide if the behavior is idiotic or logical and do it or not accordingly. Which group needs fixing? Does either, or is this part of the human condition to have a variety of minds? If there were no kids with Asperger's, who do you think in any group of herd-like children who are ready to "jump off a bridge, just because their friends are," is going to take the adult role and suggest an alternative?
Calming down the intensity of sensations: Sure, there are times when usually neurotypicals are behaving like yard apes that I would like to be able to numb myself. Again, I tried drinking, but that failed miserably. Do I want to medicate me, so the world will act better? No. That's insane. What I have to do is accept that others are louder, have strange affinities to purposeless touching, poking and prodding while discussing weather with strangers, and want to fix "me." I feel it of utmost importance if study is to be of any use to study others with PTSD who do not have Autism. They experience this same level of intensified feeling in reaction to the world about them, and I've yet to meet an Autistic person who does not have some circumstance that triggered a PTSD reaction. We are by nature trusting, and often this leads us into abusive situations. If we're not lead, merely being different is enough to illicit abuse, and though we are born with heightened senses, the effects of PTSD cannot be overlooked as aggravating what was a born gift into a detriment that is often disabling.
The studies reveal a lot about the person doing the studies, and I don't think they realize that peope like me are studying the scientists to try to figure out why they think they way they do. It's fascinating! Yes, they're talking about people like me, but the preservation of words like, "abnormal, malfunctioning," and " bad" leads me to wonder what "causes" this predisposition to negativity, and the self avoiding desire to correct the honesty that bothers them in others. The incessant pointing of fingers, lack of interest in improving their own "malfunctions" leads me to conclude that Autism is to them a fantastic way to live in denial. As long as we focus on what's "wrong" with others, be it another country, another way of thinking, another religion, another way of making art, another way of showing respect, another culture, another gender, WE DON'T HAVE TO LOOK AT OURSELVES.
For this reason, I believe these Neurotypicals are genius. As smart as the paperwork says I am, I could never have come up with anything like that.
Still, money, time and research are being poured into curing us of our clarity of thinking. Sighs.
Welcome to Autism.
tina jones
Thursday, March 8, 2012
My Illustrations in "The Fool Part II: Orsath The Traveler" by Rudy Simone
I'm very excited to announce the publishing of a book by award winning author Rudy Simone. She has written and published numerous books on Asperger's, as well as working on a fiction trilogy. Read about the author in this link: http://www.orsaththefool.com/pb/wp_d20ff294/wp_d20ff294.html
I was commissioned to do some of the illustrations for the second in her trilogy "The Fool Part II: Orsath The Traveler," so for those of you who've ever wanted to see my work in hand, this is your opportunity, but there's so much more!
I cannot possibly tell you what a joy and honor it was to work with Rudy.
Along the way, I was given snippets of the story to build my images with, and taken into a world of wonder only Rudy Simone could create. Fraught with turns and words that form ethereal imagery, characters that speak to the soul, and a story of universal awakening, Rudy Simone's work entrances the reader.
Following is a video preview Of "The Fool Part II: Orsath The Traveler":
Copies of "The Fool Part II: Orsath The Traveler" are available at Amazon.com both on Kindle and in print!
http://www.orsaththefool.com/pb/wp_0d8e34e3/wp_0d8e34e3.html
I was commissioned to do some of the illustrations for the second in her trilogy "The Fool Part II: Orsath The Traveler," so for those of you who've ever wanted to see my work in hand, this is your opportunity, but there's so much more!
I cannot possibly tell you what a joy and honor it was to work with Rudy.
Along the way, I was given snippets of the story to build my images with, and taken into a world of wonder only Rudy Simone could create. Fraught with turns and words that form ethereal imagery, characters that speak to the soul, and a story of universal awakening, Rudy Simone's work entrances the reader.
Following is a video preview Of "The Fool Part II: Orsath The Traveler":
Copies of "The Fool Part II: Orsath The Traveler" are available at Amazon.com both on Kindle and in print!
http://www.orsaththefool.com/pb/wp_0d8e34e3/wp_0d8e34e3.html
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