There it was almost visual. I felt it as she approached, and I said the learned, "Hello. How are you today?" and she answered in the well arranged mirroring. Others are so much better at that than I am.
Her voice offered a cheerful, "Did you find everything you need?" and I answered, "Yes. Thank you." Her being, no not her body, voice, eyes nothing that tells of these things, said, "I'm not ok."
She went on to tell me about return policies, in case I ever needed to use them indicating, one should keep the packaging as well as the receipt, as so many steal these days, ending with, "You wouldn't believe what they steal!" I chimed something like, "Oh, but I would." Might as well. I've learned my natural silence makes people uncomfortable, and it's not too much effort much time to do the expected back up chorus. I had to be there until my things were totaled anyway, and before we'd finished I learned a great deal.
I don't always know what to say, so I listen a lot, and it seems listener is my best role. She told of an instance where, as per her job, she saw a teen pursing some items, and she confronted the child. Her voice beginning to show signs of shakiness, she went on to tell that after a bit, the teen cried, returned the items, and she asked for the Mother's phone number. She called and all was well, as the mom seemed kind.
Sensing what felt of doubt, I told her that may have been the best thing that ever happened to the child and it may well have saved her later worse problems. Relief coming from her like a breeze, she said, "Yes," and related a similar experience.
I was glad, as I had none to share.
She took me to her childhood, this woman of probably 50, whereupon spying a beautiful jar full of dimes, she thought she might take some, and had a wonderful day at the arcade. I smiled. These coins belonged to her father, and she said it was a week later, that he told her, he knew. Here visage by then changing, eyes becoming wet.
That story could go numerous ways, but her eyes. They told.
She related, admiration in her voice, that he gave her a week to learn on her own that she'd made a mistake, and she had. I smiled, and without thinking, perhaps too personal, as I often do, in awe, I said, "I can see your love for him in your eyes." I didn't mean to disarm.
With that, her tears came, and her face turned pink, and she answered smiling, "Oh yes! I love him. He is the best!" Her hands waving in the air to indicate, barring all other, he was HER Dad!. My face hurt for the smiles.
Her voice choked, as I picked up my bags and took my receipt. Both hands over her heart, she said, "He adopted me at three months old." Then backing away, she wished me a nice day as tears spilled and she smiled, I left her, and she left her stand. I imagine to go to solitary gratitude in the store room, or maybe she went to call her Dad. It sounded like a, "Thank you might be due to me." smiles.
I write this to tell you, it's rarely about me, my struggles to communicate. It's hardly ever about my difficulties, and often silenced, by any number of things in public, and so very sensitive, I become the unarmed solace, the listener. I see so much beauty, and this time I cried in my car, simply because her love was beautiful, and I got to see it.
Sometimes it's exactly my disabilities that enable me to be still enough to see these things. If I could talk better, she might not have had the chance to shine, so I'm glad. smiles.
As for understanding Neurotypicals (those not on the Autism Spectrum), I don't know if it has a lot to do with Autism. Maybe it's just about people with one strength being there for people with other strengths. I guess I'm a safe place. time after time the social guards of others fall around me, and I don't know why. It also seems that those innocent and hiding nothing seem relieved when we've encountered. Maybe that's the people I'm here for, my purpose.
I'd always loathed this Selective Mutism, but maybe it's just just the Universe telling me to be still, and listen. Mostly, what I learned was that I don't have casual conversation or casual encounters of any kind, even when I try. I am intimate and real, and when that is what, even a stranger ringing up items needs, something amazing happens that is far bigger than Neurotypicalism, Autism or me.
tina jones
tinajonesart blog. Here, you'll find the thoughts of an artist, possibly some artwork, and most definately me.
Friday, August 3, 2012
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Grace Unearned
Only those who, like me have stood in the enlightenment of their own inadequacies..
Those who have earned every failure
Those who, despite good intent
and those who have, like me, many times fallen to lesser motive
Those who have indulged vengeful thoughts
and in another turn done great deeds
and those who have seen themselves as a whole
often making mistakes and trying again
Those who still, inspite of all of this find themselves loved
Indescribably and beyond reason embraced,
Cherished! Even and because of our very humanness,
having utterly failed at earning even a kind word
Here we are loved.
I have known no greater confusion than the extent and reach of love for even me.
and it is a cunning thing, this debt I owe.
No matter how I try to give it away, it comes back
the debt incurs and I am left with more debt of love.
So, should you, like me find yourself undeserving,
Do tolerate those of us to love anyway and because of your state
If I don't, I fear I may burst for too much love in me,
and in mercy, accept when we give,
because it may mean our own survival, and when
you find yourself in our place with this debt,
I can tell you there is no freedom from it,
only momentary comforts when you may love another,
and it does not end, ever this Grace, your Grace,
and Thank you for this unearned Love you've given to me.
and Thank you, that you understand the sweet insanity of it,
That I need never make sense in Love,
and showing me it is the utmost of logic to let go
in not understanding what was too simple for me,
now become perfect sense,
wordless acts of Love best done
and Thank you for giving even one,
like me the Grace
to give it away.
tina jones
Those who have earned every failure
Those who, despite good intent
and those who have, like me, many times fallen to lesser motive
Those who have indulged vengeful thoughts
and in another turn done great deeds
and those who have seen themselves as a whole
often making mistakes and trying again
Those who still, inspite of all of this find themselves loved
Indescribably and beyond reason embraced,
Cherished! Even and because of our very humanness,
having utterly failed at earning even a kind word
Here we are loved.
I have known no greater confusion than the extent and reach of love for even me.
and it is a cunning thing, this debt I owe.
No matter how I try to give it away, it comes back
the debt incurs and I am left with more debt of love.
So, should you, like me find yourself undeserving,
Do tolerate those of us to love anyway and because of your state
If I don't, I fear I may burst for too much love in me,
and in mercy, accept when we give,
because it may mean our own survival, and when
you find yourself in our place with this debt,
I can tell you there is no freedom from it,
only momentary comforts when you may love another,
and it does not end, ever this Grace, your Grace,
and Thank you for this unearned Love you've given to me.
and Thank you, that you understand the sweet insanity of it,
That I need never make sense in Love,
and showing me it is the utmost of logic to let go
in not understanding what was too simple for me,
now become perfect sense,
wordless acts of Love best done
and Thank you for giving even one,
like me the Grace
to give it away.
tina jones
Monday, July 23, 2012
Low Carb Grilled Cheese and Two Surprises!!!
I'm weak! He gives me puppy dog eyes. I give him Low Carb Love! hehe. A Grilled Cheese Sandwich at 2.4 Carbs, and you know what goes with that! 1Carb tomato soup?! PLUS! Did someone say Cheeseburger Bun? I thought someone mentioned a good bun...maybe it was just me. Grins!
No limits allowed here! When you see how easy it is to have the sandwiches we used to love, you're home free! Think Cheese Steak, Ham and Cheese is great this way too, Turkey and Sauteed Mushrooms? From Sloppy Joe's to Chicken Cordon Bleu, from me to you, do be true, and do that thing you do, Low Carb! hehehe!
Have fun with these!
As always, to see full screen, and be sure and subscribe to my Youtube Channel.
tina jones
Here's my Update Video for July 23, 2012 too!
Sunday, July 22, 2012
How to Look Like Johnny Depp: Makeup Tutorial
Feeling the need for a Halloween idea?
How about a walk on the wild side? grins.
Here's my video: How to Look Like Johnny Depp: Makeup Tutorial
If you're in for a bit of piracy, add a bandana, a large earring and couple of, "Arrrrhgs!"
To see this video full screen and to see my makeup list, go to my Youtube link here.
Wishing you much inspiration!
tina jones
How about a walk on the wild side? grins.
Here's my video: How to Look Like Johnny Depp: Makeup Tutorial
If you're in for a bit of piracy, add a bandana, a large earring and couple of, "Arrrrhgs!"
To see this video full screen and to see my makeup list, go to my Youtube link here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K47hiObECEQ
Do subscribe to keep updated!Wishing you much inspiration!
tina jones
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Low Carb: My Eight Tips for Getting Started
The first thing I do whenever I've gotten off track and gained some weight is plan a celebration!
That's right. In the middle of feeling I've let myself down, feeling bloated from too many carbohydrates, feeling foggy, indigestion and everything that goes with eating high carb, I plan a celebration.
I celebrate the beginning of a new lifestyle, right then and there! For me, regardless of how I may have eaten yesterday, this morning or this afternoon, that means beginning with a Low Carb Lifestyle, high fat, moderate protein, the stuff that gets me back on track and makes me feel good meal.
In my case, I get a steak. This is no longer about depriving myself. This about treating me good and giving my body what it needs to heal again. I don't go for the 6oz. petite portion. No, I'm a full grown woman with a body that needs fats and proteins. I'm a "Twelve ounce Rib eye, well done please!" girl, myself, but yours may be Pork Chops, Roast, a hunk of Buttered Salmon. If you don't eat any meats, go for your favorite Tofu dish, but leave out any noodles, potatoes, and bread, and double up that protein. Add Almonds slivers and Avocado, drizzle with Olive oil, have fun! This is important. I have to treat myself like someone who deserves to be treated well, not later, not after I lose the weight, but here and now.
Shortly after I consume this, my mind begins to clear, the indigestion subsides, and energy begins to return. Nothing gets me through those first three days or so better.
I've heard it called, "The Carb Flu," where, for me more sleep is needed, more fat and more protein. What's happening is that the body is switching from burning High Carbs for energy that we've eaten, over to stored body fat for energy. Nature takes the easiest, straightest path, and when high carbs are consumed the quickest, easiest way for the body to get needed energy is to use the High Carb food. In the absence of these High Carb foods, the body moves to the next easy, quick, straight source of energy; Our stored body fat. This fat is easier and quicker to use for energy than the fat we will be eating. Subsequently, weight loss begins. During this "Carb Flu" time of transitioning to our bodies using stored fat, here is a list of things I do to help my body do what it does so well...Heal Itself.
1. Celebrate the Start! Tonight or this afternoon, right now begin by celebrating. That means a good, nutritious low carb meal. It doesn't matter if you ate a dozen glazed doughnuts for breakfast, or went to the burger and fries joint for lunch. Tonight is the celebration. For me, it begins with a rib eye. We are starting a new lifestyle, for many like me a new life! We celebrate new lifes, births are a joyous occasion! smiles. We don't wait and see if the child does what we imagine they should before celebrating. The arrival day is here! This is a big occasion. Do not wait for some goal to celebrate. Do it now. This is very important, and you are worth it!
2.Donate High Carb Foods to a food pantry if possible, if not throw them away. Many like me got hung up on not wanting to "waste" food, so we told ourselves we'd eat all of this high carb stuff, then start our journey to health. Rethink: When I put high carbs that have been hurting me along with causing weight gain, I am Wasting my body, my children's mother, my loved one's friend. I have no right to treat someone they love like I deserve that. To love them, I have to love me, and let the high carbs go. If I can find a food pantry a neighbor to take them that's fine, but they are not good for me.
3. I get more rest: No longer treating naps as a decadence, they are a matter of being true to me, so no self guilt trips allowed here. This is important. The body heals best at rest. What's more, when I had deprived myself of rest, as I often did on high carb diets, I had to eat more high carbs just to keep going. That is over. We need never do that again. This is the time to be gentle.
4 .I drink more water: This helps me stay clear minded and flushes out toxins. What is great is that the consumption of meats and fats automatically causes me to want to drink more water, so I don't even try and it happens!
5 .I incorporate one mug of Bullion a day: The reason is that most of the high carb processed foods I used to eat had enormous amounts of sodium, and that is gone. Cooking now, and often forgetting to use salt, I can get too low on sodium, and the amount in a mug of bullion is sufficient for a day to keep me feeling better and balanced.
6. Give Myself an Area for My Foods: We deserve, as human beings, a space in our own lives. I designate at least one cabinet for low carb foods: This is my "Go to" for meals. This cabinet contains things like Tuna, Beef Jerky, Pork Rinds, Almonds, Canned Green Vegetables, cans of mushrooms, Jars of Salsa and any Low Carb Shelf foods. I know I'm safe opening that cabinet! I also designate an area of my refrigerator (Initially I lived with someone when I did this, but now I live alone, so the whole thing is mine! hehe). This area of the fridge is for the foods I know I can safely eat in a Low Carb Lifestyle.
7 . Plan Fast Foods: Rarely do I have to feel famished any more, as proteins and low carb take that away pretty quickly in the beginning, but I keep fast eats at the ready just incase. These will be things like a bowl of many boiled eggs, so I can grab one when needed. Cheese slices or Block cheese cut into one ounce chunks are a quick, tasty satisfiers too. Try some different kinds. Ten olives are another quick decadence for me, and a medium Dill Pickle is a must in my day! All of these choices are at or under 1 Carb, by the way! (So are ten Almonds!) In induction, I am allowed 20 carbs a day, and one to love *more* of any food I love, I keep these "at or under 1 carb" choices at the ready. I also usually keep a cook roast, chicken or several burgers at the ready. ZERO carbs there!
8 . The Car and Purse: I always have low carb snacks there. For me it's in the form of ten Almonds or Walnuts, a few sticks of Beef Jerky (Some have one carb, so read your labels), and small bag of pork rinds. Others I love are pumpkin seeds, a few dried cranberries from a natural food store (so they have No added sugar) tossed into the nuts can help too. I also keep at least one of these items in my purse at all times. I'm never without a snack at the ready, and a bottle of water is an absolute staple for me.
A Note on Waiting to Eat: As I mentioned, the urgency to eat NOW calmed down after the first few weeks for me, but there were times I panicked, and mostly it was when I'd been in my car and out for longer than I thought. Having these low carb snacks at hand helped a lot, but one question did too.
Am I willing to wait for ten minutes? After that, I could eat anything..just ten minutes. You see, I'd needed to eat something, even if it was a little meat, a little cheese or one of the one carb choices I'd planed once every two hours for about two weeks. Anything small would keep my metabolism going, and it kept me out of hunger leaving me satiated. I also had full decadent meals, but I planned my two hour foods too. When I'd been out too long without a snack, I'd begin to feel bad and hungry, even sad. The urgency to stop at that McDonald's sign was so, so, so overwhelming! I had to ask myself, "Can I wait ten minutes?" Ten minutes got me past that sign. It also often got me home to healthy Low Carb foods that I knew would make me feel good rather than turning to that old lethargic, bloated french fry state which only depressed me. If it couldn't get me home, I knew and sometimes only trusted that a Quick Market would be within that ten minute time period to get me a small package of Almonds and a bottle of water or even a sugar free soft drink. "Can I wait ten minutes?"
Information:
I highly recommend anyone beginning starting before beginning with reading, "Dr. Atkins Diet Revolution," to see if you feel a Low Carb Lifestyle is for you. There are other Low Carb diets as well, like South beach.
Encouragement:
Support and encouragement can be hard to come by. We live in a world taught that fat makes you fat and causes all sorts of problems that were never proven, nonetheless the hype continued, even doctors got on the bandwagon recommending we go "fat-free," and believing it we all gained weight, and many like me got horribly sick from it. So, don't be discouraged when a well intentioned friend, relative or professional tries to scare you into eating low fat or fat free and high carbs. If support isn't available around you, you've got me, plus LOTS of others who have not only lost weight, but seen cholesterol counts go down and blood sugar levels improve so much that many, no longer need medications for those problems. A great source of support is About.com's Low Carb Forum! There, Laura's recipes and tips, along with a whole group of Low Carbers are right beside you! For a Facebook source of inspiration, I don't know of more encouraging group than "Low Carbing Among Friends!"
tina jones
That's right. In the middle of feeling I've let myself down, feeling bloated from too many carbohydrates, feeling foggy, indigestion and everything that goes with eating high carb, I plan a celebration.
I celebrate the beginning of a new lifestyle, right then and there! For me, regardless of how I may have eaten yesterday, this morning or this afternoon, that means beginning with a Low Carb Lifestyle, high fat, moderate protein, the stuff that gets me back on track and makes me feel good meal.
In my case, I get a steak. This is no longer about depriving myself. This about treating me good and giving my body what it needs to heal again. I don't go for the 6oz. petite portion. No, I'm a full grown woman with a body that needs fats and proteins. I'm a "Twelve ounce Rib eye, well done please!" girl, myself, but yours may be Pork Chops, Roast, a hunk of Buttered Salmon. If you don't eat any meats, go for your favorite Tofu dish, but leave out any noodles, potatoes, and bread, and double up that protein. Add Almonds slivers and Avocado, drizzle with Olive oil, have fun! This is important. I have to treat myself like someone who deserves to be treated well, not later, not after I lose the weight, but here and now.
Shortly after I consume this, my mind begins to clear, the indigestion subsides, and energy begins to return. Nothing gets me through those first three days or so better.
I've heard it called, "The Carb Flu," where, for me more sleep is needed, more fat and more protein. What's happening is that the body is switching from burning High Carbs for energy that we've eaten, over to stored body fat for energy. Nature takes the easiest, straightest path, and when high carbs are consumed the quickest, easiest way for the body to get needed energy is to use the High Carb food. In the absence of these High Carb foods, the body moves to the next easy, quick, straight source of energy; Our stored body fat. This fat is easier and quicker to use for energy than the fat we will be eating. Subsequently, weight loss begins. During this "Carb Flu" time of transitioning to our bodies using stored fat, here is a list of things I do to help my body do what it does so well...Heal Itself.
1. Celebrate the Start! Tonight or this afternoon, right now begin by celebrating. That means a good, nutritious low carb meal. It doesn't matter if you ate a dozen glazed doughnuts for breakfast, or went to the burger and fries joint for lunch. Tonight is the celebration. For me, it begins with a rib eye. We are starting a new lifestyle, for many like me a new life! We celebrate new lifes, births are a joyous occasion! smiles. We don't wait and see if the child does what we imagine they should before celebrating. The arrival day is here! This is a big occasion. Do not wait for some goal to celebrate. Do it now. This is very important, and you are worth it!
2.Donate High Carb Foods to a food pantry if possible, if not throw them away. Many like me got hung up on not wanting to "waste" food, so we told ourselves we'd eat all of this high carb stuff, then start our journey to health. Rethink: When I put high carbs that have been hurting me along with causing weight gain, I am Wasting my body, my children's mother, my loved one's friend. I have no right to treat someone they love like I deserve that. To love them, I have to love me, and let the high carbs go. If I can find a food pantry a neighbor to take them that's fine, but they are not good for me.
3. I get more rest: No longer treating naps as a decadence, they are a matter of being true to me, so no self guilt trips allowed here. This is important. The body heals best at rest. What's more, when I had deprived myself of rest, as I often did on high carb diets, I had to eat more high carbs just to keep going. That is over. We need never do that again. This is the time to be gentle.
4 .I drink more water: This helps me stay clear minded and flushes out toxins. What is great is that the consumption of meats and fats automatically causes me to want to drink more water, so I don't even try and it happens!
5 .I incorporate one mug of Bullion a day: The reason is that most of the high carb processed foods I used to eat had enormous amounts of sodium, and that is gone. Cooking now, and often forgetting to use salt, I can get too low on sodium, and the amount in a mug of bullion is sufficient for a day to keep me feeling better and balanced.
6. Give Myself an Area for My Foods: We deserve, as human beings, a space in our own lives. I designate at least one cabinet for low carb foods: This is my "Go to" for meals. This cabinet contains things like Tuna, Beef Jerky, Pork Rinds, Almonds, Canned Green Vegetables, cans of mushrooms, Jars of Salsa and any Low Carb Shelf foods. I know I'm safe opening that cabinet! I also designate an area of my refrigerator (Initially I lived with someone when I did this, but now I live alone, so the whole thing is mine! hehe). This area of the fridge is for the foods I know I can safely eat in a Low Carb Lifestyle.
7 . Plan Fast Foods: Rarely do I have to feel famished any more, as proteins and low carb take that away pretty quickly in the beginning, but I keep fast eats at the ready just incase. These will be things like a bowl of many boiled eggs, so I can grab one when needed. Cheese slices or Block cheese cut into one ounce chunks are a quick, tasty satisfiers too. Try some different kinds. Ten olives are another quick decadence for me, and a medium Dill Pickle is a must in my day! All of these choices are at or under 1 Carb, by the way! (So are ten Almonds!) In induction, I am allowed 20 carbs a day, and one to love *more* of any food I love, I keep these "at or under 1 carb" choices at the ready. I also usually keep a cook roast, chicken or several burgers at the ready. ZERO carbs there!
8 . The Car and Purse: I always have low carb snacks there. For me it's in the form of ten Almonds or Walnuts, a few sticks of Beef Jerky (Some have one carb, so read your labels), and small bag of pork rinds. Others I love are pumpkin seeds, a few dried cranberries from a natural food store (so they have No added sugar) tossed into the nuts can help too. I also keep at least one of these items in my purse at all times. I'm never without a snack at the ready, and a bottle of water is an absolute staple for me.
A Note on Waiting to Eat: As I mentioned, the urgency to eat NOW calmed down after the first few weeks for me, but there were times I panicked, and mostly it was when I'd been in my car and out for longer than I thought. Having these low carb snacks at hand helped a lot, but one question did too.
Am I willing to wait for ten minutes? After that, I could eat anything..just ten minutes. You see, I'd needed to eat something, even if it was a little meat, a little cheese or one of the one carb choices I'd planed once every two hours for about two weeks. Anything small would keep my metabolism going, and it kept me out of hunger leaving me satiated. I also had full decadent meals, but I planned my two hour foods too. When I'd been out too long without a snack, I'd begin to feel bad and hungry, even sad. The urgency to stop at that McDonald's sign was so, so, so overwhelming! I had to ask myself, "Can I wait ten minutes?" Ten minutes got me past that sign. It also often got me home to healthy Low Carb foods that I knew would make me feel good rather than turning to that old lethargic, bloated french fry state which only depressed me. If it couldn't get me home, I knew and sometimes only trusted that a Quick Market would be within that ten minute time period to get me a small package of Almonds and a bottle of water or even a sugar free soft drink. "Can I wait ten minutes?"
Information:
I highly recommend anyone beginning starting before beginning with reading, "Dr. Atkins Diet Revolution," to see if you feel a Low Carb Lifestyle is for you. There are other Low Carb diets as well, like South beach.
Encouragement:
Support and encouragement can be hard to come by. We live in a world taught that fat makes you fat and causes all sorts of problems that were never proven, nonetheless the hype continued, even doctors got on the bandwagon recommending we go "fat-free," and believing it we all gained weight, and many like me got horribly sick from it. So, don't be discouraged when a well intentioned friend, relative or professional tries to scare you into eating low fat or fat free and high carbs. If support isn't available around you, you've got me, plus LOTS of others who have not only lost weight, but seen cholesterol counts go down and blood sugar levels improve so much that many, no longer need medications for those problems. A great source of support is About.com's Low Carb Forum! There, Laura's recipes and tips, along with a whole group of Low Carbers are right beside you! For a Facebook source of inspiration, I don't know of more encouraging group than "Low Carbing Among Friends!"
All of this to say we are NEVER alone, we need never feel shaky and deprived, and TODAY, I hope you celebrate the beautiful you that you are, the healthier you that you're becomming moment by moment, and meal by meal and gentle action by gentle action.
Take care, With love,tina jones
Monday, July 16, 2012
With Love, To Kathleen
There was a time I shrunk from the pain of life happenings. I shielded myself, and feelings were stuffed, as they were too big for me. Outside a stone wall that had to be everything to everyone, and pretend everything was ok. Inside a fragile structure of my own making to hold me together into what I thought I *should* be.
Through time and events bigger than I and my notions of what was acceptable in me, and failing after failing to live to my own standards, I changed.
I no longer had to be my definition of, "strong." To me, treating pain as a disease and fighting it with fake smiles, what had meant letting no one know the hurt, and letting no one in, now meant embracing it.
When pain comes I open my arms, and let it blow through me. I crumble at the blows, and fall apart. I cry, rage against injustice, feel the sorrow, and spent, something of peace washes through me.
Last night, a friend passed away, and last night part of me went with her. For a while, her pain was mine. Her many loved ones and friends in pain, the agony washed through open arms, and after tears, confusion and more tears, memories of her began to roll through me. Lights of comfort, and the knowledge that this event for me was loss, but was in inexplicable magnitude, gratitude.
So many who loved her have reached out, prayed, sent loving thoughts to her and her family, and I got to be a small part of it. I have seen that I only knew a portion of how greatly she was capable of love, and how many lives she enriched. I am in awe!
I got to question, why is she gone? She was so full of love, and helped so many, while I am here, and oft don't know what to do. I felt her smile.
Countless times I, in my clumsiness, would speak of some social thing I didn't understand. I always loved to make her laugh, and I knew she'd jump on the opportunity, such was her joyous way. As many times, she'd explain people to me, and let me know it was o.k. not to get it all of the time. I'd played some Chopin, and she heard, only to tell me his was one of her favorites, and we listened to Erroll Garner, while I listened to stories of old romances, early motherhood and felt a love bigger than I am.
A thousand years ago at a 12 step meeting I attended I hear the word, "intimacy" rephrased as, "See into me," and now people like Kathleen who have been strong enough to allow others to "see in," are the ones I admire most. Not only do they have this strength of allowing, but it seems by doing so, they can "see" into others. It was not pain I feared, it was vulnerability. When faced, however with someone with whom it is impossible to hide from, and they are there and many (smiles), the very vulnerability I thought a weakness, becomes my strength.
Thank you, Kathleen for helping me let another layer of this false protection from not pain, but Love go. For helping me let go of things I don't understand and accept a little more each day
For laughing with me and letting me make you laugh sometimes.
For listening to me, and for sharing your stories.
For finding a way to encourage this one whose focus was to encourage others. (You snuck that in on me! smiles.)
For opening the world a little more to me, and for opening me a little more to the world.
For giving me a safe place to simply not get it
For dancing anyway and seeing that my reaching for play is often a way to cope
For making it just o.k. to be whatever I was.
For being along with me a woman, at times an old woman, and at times a child.
For helping me embrace passion for anything that impassioned me.
For the tears we both cried.
For the late evenings when we'd somehow find ourselves giggling, neither making sense, and too sleepy to talk, but that didn't stop us.
Thanks for your time, your openness, your honesty, your humor, your tears, your compassion and your love. I don't expect your work is done. So I wish you joy on your new adventure. If the ride is like anything in this life, I know you'll make it a good one! smiles. Here's to a new beginning, Kathleen!
Until next time, with love,
tina jones
Through time and events bigger than I and my notions of what was acceptable in me, and failing after failing to live to my own standards, I changed.
I no longer had to be my definition of, "strong." To me, treating pain as a disease and fighting it with fake smiles, what had meant letting no one know the hurt, and letting no one in, now meant embracing it.
When pain comes I open my arms, and let it blow through me. I crumble at the blows, and fall apart. I cry, rage against injustice, feel the sorrow, and spent, something of peace washes through me.
Last night, a friend passed away, and last night part of me went with her. For a while, her pain was mine. Her many loved ones and friends in pain, the agony washed through open arms, and after tears, confusion and more tears, memories of her began to roll through me. Lights of comfort, and the knowledge that this event for me was loss, but was in inexplicable magnitude, gratitude.
So many who loved her have reached out, prayed, sent loving thoughts to her and her family, and I got to be a small part of it. I have seen that I only knew a portion of how greatly she was capable of love, and how many lives she enriched. I am in awe!
I got to question, why is she gone? She was so full of love, and helped so many, while I am here, and oft don't know what to do. I felt her smile.
Countless times I, in my clumsiness, would speak of some social thing I didn't understand. I always loved to make her laugh, and I knew she'd jump on the opportunity, such was her joyous way. As many times, she'd explain people to me, and let me know it was o.k. not to get it all of the time. I'd played some Chopin, and she heard, only to tell me his was one of her favorites, and we listened to Erroll Garner, while I listened to stories of old romances, early motherhood and felt a love bigger than I am.
A thousand years ago at a 12 step meeting I attended I hear the word, "intimacy" rephrased as, "See into me," and now people like Kathleen who have been strong enough to allow others to "see in," are the ones I admire most. Not only do they have this strength of allowing, but it seems by doing so, they can "see" into others. It was not pain I feared, it was vulnerability. When faced, however with someone with whom it is impossible to hide from, and they are there and many (smiles), the very vulnerability I thought a weakness, becomes my strength.
Thank you, Kathleen for helping me let another layer of this false protection from not pain, but Love go. For helping me let go of things I don't understand and accept a little more each day
For laughing with me and letting me make you laugh sometimes.
For listening to me, and for sharing your stories.
For finding a way to encourage this one whose focus was to encourage others. (You snuck that in on me! smiles.)
For opening the world a little more to me, and for opening me a little more to the world.
For giving me a safe place to simply not get it
For dancing anyway and seeing that my reaching for play is often a way to cope
For making it just o.k. to be whatever I was.
For being along with me a woman, at times an old woman, and at times a child.
For helping me embrace passion for anything that impassioned me.
For the tears we both cried.
For the late evenings when we'd somehow find ourselves giggling, neither making sense, and too sleepy to talk, but that didn't stop us.
Thanks for your time, your openness, your honesty, your humor, your tears, your compassion and your love. I don't expect your work is done. So I wish you joy on your new adventure. If the ride is like anything in this life, I know you'll make it a good one! smiles. Here's to a new beginning, Kathleen!
Until next time, with love,
tina jones
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Low Carb: I Want Doritos!!! Recipe
I had a few high carb foods that I craved hard in the beginning, and Doritos Chips made of corn and all of those decadent spices were one of them! They tempted me, taunted and haunted me! The problem is, they range from 12 to 30 carbs per serving, and I never ate one serving of them in my life.
Well, I found a fix for that craving!
It is far lower in carbs, but my craving was about crunch and flavor! Not only do these satisfy my cravings for an old favorite, I think they taste even better than Doritos! I wasn't expecting that.
Corn and wheat don't have a lot of flavor in themselves. My recipe is based on flavorful cheese, spices bring that longed for chili lime, and an incredible crunch makes me wish I'd had this recipe years ago!
Play with this, and adjust your spices to your liking, even try different cheeses! You may come up with something even better than my version....Quick and easy, here goes!!!
2 slices American Cheese in plastic wrappers
Remove from wrappers, and fold or cut in four squares. Lay squares checkerboard style back on the plastic wrapper.
(Note: If using a cheese slice that does not have a wrapper, parchment paper works great too.)
To Taste: Chili Powder
Onion Powder
True Lime (This is a powder too, available in the baking section at most groceries in the Us.)
Salt
I used all of the above totally less than 1/16th teaspoon, merely sprinkling my cheese squares with them.
Transfer to microwave, and microwave on High for 45 seconds to 1 minute and 15 seconds, depending on your microwave. Watch in the last ten seconds, as they can burn quickly! You'll want bubbly and lightly browned in spots. Cheese will be bendable when coming out of the microwave, but will crisp up in less than a minute!
Total carbs? 1.2, for a very filling, delicious snack!
You're done! Enjoy the decadence!
Here's a video Showing how I do this! Please like and share this video, as I know a lot of people feel deprived when they begin diets, and there is every reason for treats like this in a low carb lifestyle.
Click Link to view full size, and do subscribe, I'll have lots more tips along the way.
Take care, With Love, tina jones
P.S. The video includes a very simple dip recipe I sometimes like with these!
Well, I found a fix for that craving!
It is far lower in carbs, but my craving was about crunch and flavor! Not only do these satisfy my cravings for an old favorite, I think they taste even better than Doritos! I wasn't expecting that.
Corn and wheat don't have a lot of flavor in themselves. My recipe is based on flavorful cheese, spices bring that longed for chili lime, and an incredible crunch makes me wish I'd had this recipe years ago!
Play with this, and adjust your spices to your liking, even try different cheeses! You may come up with something even better than my version....Quick and easy, here goes!!!
2 slices American Cheese in plastic wrappers
Remove from wrappers, and fold or cut in four squares. Lay squares checkerboard style back on the plastic wrapper.
(Note: If using a cheese slice that does not have a wrapper, parchment paper works great too.)
To Taste: Chili Powder
Onion Powder
True Lime (This is a powder too, available in the baking section at most groceries in the Us.)
Salt
I used all of the above totally less than 1/16th teaspoon, merely sprinkling my cheese squares with them.
Transfer to microwave, and microwave on High for 45 seconds to 1 minute and 15 seconds, depending on your microwave. Watch in the last ten seconds, as they can burn quickly! You'll want bubbly and lightly browned in spots. Cheese will be bendable when coming out of the microwave, but will crisp up in less than a minute!
Total carbs? 1.2, for a very filling, delicious snack!
You're done! Enjoy the decadence!
Here's a video Showing how I do this! Please like and share this video, as I know a lot of people feel deprived when they begin diets, and there is every reason for treats like this in a low carb lifestyle.
Click Link to view full size, and do subscribe, I'll have lots more tips along the way.
- http://youtu.be/edwlyOZoQTs
Take care, With Love, tina jones
P.S. The video includes a very simple dip recipe I sometimes like with these!
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