There is a short poem about women that's always left me sad, because it doesn't apply at all to me.
"A woman has amazing strenghts.
She can deal with stress and carry heavy burdens.
She smiles when she feels like screaming.
She sings when she feels like crying,
She cries when she's happy, and laughs when she's afraid.
Her love is unconditional. There is only one thing wrong with her..
She forgets what she's worth. "
Author Unknown
It bothers me for all of the masks and dishonesty, as if it is ok or to be applauded. No. I read it an think about how women hide, and how we are so beautiful exactly like we are. That our true feelings have value, and need not be covered. I propose another view, that is more fitting for me, and maybe for others.
A woman's strength is often in her ability to fall completely apart.
She copes with stresses brought on by an amazing awareness of all that surrounds her and those she loves.
She smiles, Only when it is true, and you need never doubt her. She screams in inhaled breaths that often make no sound.
She sings unashamed from the heart of pure joy, and she cries with equal respect for her emotion.
When she's afraid, it is thorough and consuming, and when she is happy likewise there is no hiding it.
She will forget her strength when she crumbles, but let a soul frighten one she loves, and she can shake the foundation of any other.
Her love is unconditional and sure, but her presence must be earned. There is much right with her, and she knows this in her best moments, but she too forgets.
tina jones
tinajonesart blog. Here, you'll find the thoughts of an artist, possibly some artwork, and most definately me.
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
The War is Over
"Good. Use your aggressive feelings. Let the hate flow through you." This is a line spoken by Emperor Palpatine in Star Wars: Episode VI-Return of the Jedi.
The character reminds me of myself from when I was drinking and vigilantly angry at the world, or as I put it now, "How to become exactly what you're mad about." I had a fur lined pity pot strapped to my backside, and no one understood poor me. I was right about everything, and was more than willing to show you. Big on justice, I was also willing to punish offenders. I had good intentions, and I beat them into any ear that would listen. Ofcourse I was in a state of slow decay, but I was willing to carry that cross (with what I imagined to be marquis lights on it) for the whole world, and if that doesn't sound like Hitler, you're not listening. I was outraged at humanities failings, but if you could look inside of me, you'd have seen a worse beast who thrived on my own destruction. Hate ruled me, and the one I hated most was me. I "ceased fighting anything or anyone," in total self defeat, a complete collapse of the ego, in a big way, I died, murdered by me. Freedom from my own prison came with acceptance that I did not have a single answer, that if I were to forgive myself I had to forgive others, that judgement and blame were no longer allowed, and words best left to those better equipped to handle them. I became the student, the teachable. Humilty became something to seek, and love practiced first for others, then became a love for myself as a matter of honesty. After all, how could I see something in you to be loved, if it were not in me too? The unsalvageable, the ruined, the throw-away of me, became treasure to be nurtured and loved, even....Even, the dark side of me, and that internally screaming baby of a woman, enraged at everything, and hurt more than hurt became someone who only asked for love....my own.
This is why there is no fight left in me. I became tired of trying to move walls that were never made for moving, and I became tired of thinking I knew where they needed to be. Such an ego! I became tired of my preconceived notions of perfection, and tired of the attitude I had of, I'll show you! I'll hurt......me.
I didn't know. I just didn't know that the energy of anger and fight feeds the things I fought. I didn't know that I was adding to the problem, and I tried so hard with each day becoming harder. I didn't know I was building the very monsters I wanted to be free of.
I am so sorry, so sorry I didn't know another way. Near 15 years, it's been now. Fifteen years of wonder, of innocence and a second chance to see, to feel, to love, and see beauty in everything as it is, including me with all of my mistakes and flaws. Sometimes it's precisely the flaws I perceive that are where beauty is found.
Above all there is love, and many things too strong, as I was, to conquer, have melted when loved. All of the armor and anger in the world fall weak to love, as I did. I simply didn't see it coming. As unfair I thought this horrible weapon, this love, it was the only thing that saved me.
So think nothing great of me, nor blind of me that I have not yet seen that to be vigilant about, or that I am too innocent to hate, because I know these places, and I know that in me is the capacity to be the worst or the best of humanity. I choose innocence, never ignorance, but love. The monsters I wanted to conquer with hate, have become small and some no longer exist. They left the world outside, because my insides changed. I'm still creating. I just create better things now.
The war is over in me. The healing has far to go, and my education in compassion for others and the self is ongoing. There is a place past the anger, and it looks a lot like sweet childhood, except that it has experience and perhaps more patience.
I don't know how long I'll get to be here, how long I'll get to create in the world whatever is inside of me, so .....Might as well dance.
tina jones
The character reminds me of myself from when I was drinking and vigilantly angry at the world, or as I put it now, "How to become exactly what you're mad about." I had a fur lined pity pot strapped to my backside, and no one understood poor me. I was right about everything, and was more than willing to show you. Big on justice, I was also willing to punish offenders. I had good intentions, and I beat them into any ear that would listen. Ofcourse I was in a state of slow decay, but I was willing to carry that cross (with what I imagined to be marquis lights on it) for the whole world, and if that doesn't sound like Hitler, you're not listening. I was outraged at humanities failings, but if you could look inside of me, you'd have seen a worse beast who thrived on my own destruction. Hate ruled me, and the one I hated most was me. I "ceased fighting anything or anyone," in total self defeat, a complete collapse of the ego, in a big way, I died, murdered by me. Freedom from my own prison came with acceptance that I did not have a single answer, that if I were to forgive myself I had to forgive others, that judgement and blame were no longer allowed, and words best left to those better equipped to handle them. I became the student, the teachable. Humilty became something to seek, and love practiced first for others, then became a love for myself as a matter of honesty. After all, how could I see something in you to be loved, if it were not in me too? The unsalvageable, the ruined, the throw-away of me, became treasure to be nurtured and loved, even....Even, the dark side of me, and that internally screaming baby of a woman, enraged at everything, and hurt more than hurt became someone who only asked for love....my own.
This is why there is no fight left in me. I became tired of trying to move walls that were never made for moving, and I became tired of thinking I knew where they needed to be. Such an ego! I became tired of my preconceived notions of perfection, and tired of the attitude I had of, I'll show you! I'll hurt......me.
I didn't know. I just didn't know that the energy of anger and fight feeds the things I fought. I didn't know that I was adding to the problem, and I tried so hard with each day becoming harder. I didn't know I was building the very monsters I wanted to be free of.
I am so sorry, so sorry I didn't know another way. Near 15 years, it's been now. Fifteen years of wonder, of innocence and a second chance to see, to feel, to love, and see beauty in everything as it is, including me with all of my mistakes and flaws. Sometimes it's precisely the flaws I perceive that are where beauty is found.
Above all there is love, and many things too strong, as I was, to conquer, have melted when loved. All of the armor and anger in the world fall weak to love, as I did. I simply didn't see it coming. As unfair I thought this horrible weapon, this love, it was the only thing that saved me.
So think nothing great of me, nor blind of me that I have not yet seen that to be vigilant about, or that I am too innocent to hate, because I know these places, and I know that in me is the capacity to be the worst or the best of humanity. I choose innocence, never ignorance, but love. The monsters I wanted to conquer with hate, have become small and some no longer exist. They left the world outside, because my insides changed. I'm still creating. I just create better things now.
The war is over in me. The healing has far to go, and my education in compassion for others and the self is ongoing. There is a place past the anger, and it looks a lot like sweet childhood, except that it has experience and perhaps more patience.
I don't know how long I'll get to be here, how long I'll get to create in the world whatever is inside of me, so .....Might as well dance.
tina jones
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Tina Takes the Autism Quotient Test
I recently listened to a fellow youtube poster's videos where he'd done the Autism Quotient Test.
Here is a link to the written test.
http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html
This test is to determine if a person feels they might like to have an evaluation done, or to self diagnose. There are many such tests.
The fellow youtube poster, Linus is a younger male, and he did a great job.
You can see his test video here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2Odp378JsE
I thought it might be useful for me to do the same to offer a wider range of understanding, as I'm a 46 year old female. It was interesting to see that Linus and I had some similar answers, yet some were very different.
I also hope this will give those who are considering taking this test an idea of what to expect, as well as offer a bridge of understanding and commonality between Autistics/ those with Asperger's and those who are not on the Spectrum.
It might even be fun for those not on the spectrum to take the test themselves first, then listen to the answers given by Autistic people. I think this might prove beneficial toward more understanding, and they might even find they have a few quirks of their own. smiles. It's been enlightening, for instance to see what my Neurotypical daughter and I have in common, and find differences that make us more interesting to eachother. We've even found things to giggle about! Most importantly to me, this has promoted closer relationships between me, both of my children and close friends.
Here are my two videos covering the test. (One was too long, so I split it into two segments.)
tina jones
Alert: Petition to Stop Abuse at Judge Rotenberg Center: http://www.change.org/petitions/judge-rotenberg-educational-center-please-stop-painful-electric-shocks-on-your-students
Here is a link to the written test.
http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html
This test is to determine if a person feels they might like to have an evaluation done, or to self diagnose. There are many such tests.
The fellow youtube poster, Linus is a younger male, and he did a great job.
You can see his test video here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2Odp378JsE
I thought it might be useful for me to do the same to offer a wider range of understanding, as I'm a 46 year old female. It was interesting to see that Linus and I had some similar answers, yet some were very different.
I also hope this will give those who are considering taking this test an idea of what to expect, as well as offer a bridge of understanding and commonality between Autistics/ those with Asperger's and those who are not on the Spectrum.
It might even be fun for those not on the spectrum to take the test themselves first, then listen to the answers given by Autistic people. I think this might prove beneficial toward more understanding, and they might even find they have a few quirks of their own. smiles. It's been enlightening, for instance to see what my Neurotypical daughter and I have in common, and find differences that make us more interesting to eachother. We've even found things to giggle about! Most importantly to me, this has promoted closer relationships between me, both of my children and close friends.
Here are my two videos covering the test. (One was too long, so I split it into two segments.)
tina jones
Alert: Petition to Stop Abuse at Judge Rotenberg Center: http://www.change.org/petitions/judge-rotenberg-educational-center-please-stop-painful-electric-shocks-on-your-students
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Stop Abuse at the Judge Rotenberg Center!
How much would it take to get the average person to torture another human being for one year? How does $200,00 sound? No? Multiply that by 200 kids. That would get you $40 million a year. Welcome to the United States. More accurately, the Judge Rotenberg Center. Short of someone discovering oil under this building, America is not stopping it. It is too profitable. The children's well being is sold for the local economy, and likely votes. The United states has been investigated for this, and found by the United Nations to be "torturing" children. We are not in good standing. This is many nations who know what we are doing to children. Those of us who have pleaded with American officials are tired. The children are in crisis, bound, electrically skin shocked, blistered, bleeding with voltage much higher than that of police tasers. Not occasionally, likely in this moment one of them or more is being hurt repeatedly and irreparably. Why? oh for things like self harm. Also it's done for things like rocking, hand flapping and blowing spit bubbles with the lips as well as daydreaming more than ten seconds on an academic test. Any kind of fidgeting gets them cripplingly shocked.
How many times a day would you get it, if you were hooked up to this? Me? Probably a hundred. I rattle change at times too, sometimes I tap my pencil on a desk, at times I take a break and just stare at my work thinking what to do next. To remind them how easily they are controlled, they are forced to carry back packs at all times with them that carry the needed electricity to jolt them, temporarily crippling them in agony by use of remote.. Handy, huh? Massachusetts can't seem to decide that this is insidiously wrong, and the National government hasn't stepped in since they were contacted by the United Nations two years ago on this matter. America the beautiful, this is how the world sees us in all our glory. Proud? Not me. At this point I don't care who saves these children. If we can't get it done someone needs to. America has gotten too self confident that we don't have to answer for our behaviors. How long do we really think that's going to last? This isn't a problem of 200 children, their parents or even Massachusettes. This is national. As long as this establishment is in business we are all in grave danger. So whether or not you know the children or anyone in Massachusettes or New York where a large portion of these kids come from, it's effecting you. The JRC has given more than ample ammunition to anyone who has ever ahd a problem with the United States. They represent you and me regardless of whether we protest. They have a lot more than merely 200 children to damage.
Great news! Here is an International Petition to Stop The Abuse at the Judge Rotenberg Center. Anyone can sign! There may yet be hope! As of this moment there are 78,742 signatures. They need so much more.
http://www.change.org/petitions/judge-rotenberg-educational-center-please-stop-painful-electric-shocks-on-your-students
my video on this matter, along with links to this petition, and many other informative links!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1nwAhb5dCeE&lc=Kbdm2PH9RHWQRHiZNGpRc2Zqz5ftRCaHbHv1w4PI65Y&feature=inbox
How many times a day would you get it, if you were hooked up to this? Me? Probably a hundred. I rattle change at times too, sometimes I tap my pencil on a desk, at times I take a break and just stare at my work thinking what to do next. To remind them how easily they are controlled, they are forced to carry back packs at all times with them that carry the needed electricity to jolt them, temporarily crippling them in agony by use of remote.. Handy, huh? Massachusetts can't seem to decide that this is insidiously wrong, and the National government hasn't stepped in since they were contacted by the United Nations two years ago on this matter. America the beautiful, this is how the world sees us in all our glory. Proud? Not me. At this point I don't care who saves these children. If we can't get it done someone needs to. America has gotten too self confident that we don't have to answer for our behaviors. How long do we really think that's going to last? This isn't a problem of 200 children, their parents or even Massachusettes. This is national. As long as this establishment is in business we are all in grave danger. So whether or not you know the children or anyone in Massachusettes or New York where a large portion of these kids come from, it's effecting you. The JRC has given more than ample ammunition to anyone who has ever ahd a problem with the United States. They represent you and me regardless of whether we protest. They have a lot more than merely 200 children to damage.
Great news! Here is an International Petition to Stop The Abuse at the Judge Rotenberg Center. Anyone can sign! There may yet be hope! As of this moment there are 78,742 signatures. They need so much more.
http://www.change.org/petitions/judge-rotenberg-educational-center-please-stop-painful-electric-shocks-on-your-students
my video on this matter, along with links to this petition, and many other informative links!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1nwAhb5dCeE&lc=Kbdm2PH9RHWQRHiZNGpRc2Zqz5ftRCaHbHv1w4PI65Y&feature=inbox
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Silliness: The Best Pain Reliever I Know
If I have any talent, it's that of putting carts before horses.
I always thought I had to feel good to do anything good, but I realized (through the patience of dear friends) that if I did it, I might come to feel it.
Feeling good became the result of action.
The last few days have been difficult for me. I had worried myself into a full blown meltdown. The knowledge that worry has never accomplished a thing for me, hasn't stopped me from indulging in it, as often as I wish it would. Fortunately, through years of practice in taking care of myself, not trying to please others, meltdowns don't happen but a few times a year for me now. This was, at one time, a daily occurrence, then weekly, monthly, etc.
Meltdowns: For me that means a shutting down of emotions, followed by a near fetal crying bout, and a general sense of doom. It happens. I had gotten so deep in to other people's problems, put on my Joan of Arc suit, and mentally beat myself up with it.
Fortunately, there are surrenders beyond surrender. For me, I can't stuff the feelings. Feelings are patient things. They will wait for me, and come out at the most inopportune times!
What works for me: I let it happen. I get down in it, crawl in it, roll around in it, and get it done and over with. I don't cry, I bawl, I shake, I feel every last bit of it, because I've no mind to save that stuff up for later. Today's leftover emotion will seep into tomorrow, if I don't feel it now. Once my eyes are sufficiently puffy, nose blown and breathing again, I get to work! Work, means being gentle with myself, and taking steps to get back to balance.
I used to believe that other people made me happy or unhappy. (Yet another instance of cart before horse) The truth is that when I take care of me, get myself in a happy place, I attract happy people. They can add to it, but they can not "make" me happy. They can't take it away either. I am responsible for me, and when I remember that, all sorts of wonderful things happen.
Some of the things I may do privately are play a game, sing poorly, shower, take a nap, move to another room, clean a room, mess up a room, dance poorly (I'm a natural)......anything to shift my track. Some of the things I do involving others, are to listen to music that makes me feel good, paint something even badly,..... yes right in the middle of not feeling good. I find something, anything that I think someone, anyone else might enjoy, and I send it to them. It doesn't matter who it is. When I am that down, I've become internally stagnant and stuck. Those emotions are sitting there like pond water, and my task is to get that flow moving again. I send something good, look for more good, and as I do, I change!
I change! The circumstances don't change. I do. After a little while, without trying to feel better, thinking only of adding to the lives of others, I begin to feel better. I can wash my face, eat something, rest, etc. Often I find myself laughing. I have to get me out of my own needs, and see what I can do for others.
The feeling of usefulness, happiness and even joy returns. Regardless of the circumstances, I get a sense of , all is right with the world, everything is OK in this moment, I'm safe, and there is once again hope.
I am a serious advocate of pure silliness! This stuff is the work of masters, and I make my best attempts. Silly has a way of soothing the most heavy of post-meltdown states for me, and I highly recommend it. More than anything, tender care followed by giving to others and coming out with silly, has been the most healing of acts to me.
Importantly, I can't just jump from meltdown to silly. It doesn't work that way. I've got to feel it all, be of service somehow, then my lighthearted spirit returns. It is worth the work every time.
Though hair styling may seem to have nothing to do with this post, here is the joyous silly that came out of this meltdown. Nothing so much heals pain for me, as a good laugh at myself. It's a gift to help you find a smile, if you're down, and it helps me return to myself. Hope you get a laugh...
tina jones
Pin Up Curls No Heat (Speed Humor)
I always thought I had to feel good to do anything good, but I realized (through the patience of dear friends) that if I did it, I might come to feel it.
Feeling good became the result of action.
The last few days have been difficult for me. I had worried myself into a full blown meltdown. The knowledge that worry has never accomplished a thing for me, hasn't stopped me from indulging in it, as often as I wish it would. Fortunately, through years of practice in taking care of myself, not trying to please others, meltdowns don't happen but a few times a year for me now. This was, at one time, a daily occurrence, then weekly, monthly, etc.
Meltdowns: For me that means a shutting down of emotions, followed by a near fetal crying bout, and a general sense of doom. It happens. I had gotten so deep in to other people's problems, put on my Joan of Arc suit, and mentally beat myself up with it.
Fortunately, there are surrenders beyond surrender. For me, I can't stuff the feelings. Feelings are patient things. They will wait for me, and come out at the most inopportune times!
What works for me: I let it happen. I get down in it, crawl in it, roll around in it, and get it done and over with. I don't cry, I bawl, I shake, I feel every last bit of it, because I've no mind to save that stuff up for later. Today's leftover emotion will seep into tomorrow, if I don't feel it now. Once my eyes are sufficiently puffy, nose blown and breathing again, I get to work! Work, means being gentle with myself, and taking steps to get back to balance.
I used to believe that other people made me happy or unhappy. (Yet another instance of cart before horse) The truth is that when I take care of me, get myself in a happy place, I attract happy people. They can add to it, but they can not "make" me happy. They can't take it away either. I am responsible for me, and when I remember that, all sorts of wonderful things happen.
Some of the things I may do privately are play a game, sing poorly, shower, take a nap, move to another room, clean a room, mess up a room, dance poorly (I'm a natural)......anything to shift my track. Some of the things I do involving others, are to listen to music that makes me feel good, paint something even badly,..... yes right in the middle of not feeling good. I find something, anything that I think someone, anyone else might enjoy, and I send it to them. It doesn't matter who it is. When I am that down, I've become internally stagnant and stuck. Those emotions are sitting there like pond water, and my task is to get that flow moving again. I send something good, look for more good, and as I do, I change!
I change! The circumstances don't change. I do. After a little while, without trying to feel better, thinking only of adding to the lives of others, I begin to feel better. I can wash my face, eat something, rest, etc. Often I find myself laughing. I have to get me out of my own needs, and see what I can do for others.
The feeling of usefulness, happiness and even joy returns. Regardless of the circumstances, I get a sense of , all is right with the world, everything is OK in this moment, I'm safe, and there is once again hope.
I am a serious advocate of pure silliness! This stuff is the work of masters, and I make my best attempts. Silly has a way of soothing the most heavy of post-meltdown states for me, and I highly recommend it. More than anything, tender care followed by giving to others and coming out with silly, has been the most healing of acts to me.
Importantly, I can't just jump from meltdown to silly. It doesn't work that way. I've got to feel it all, be of service somehow, then my lighthearted spirit returns. It is worth the work every time.
Though hair styling may seem to have nothing to do with this post, here is the joyous silly that came out of this meltdown. Nothing so much heals pain for me, as a good laugh at myself. It's a gift to help you find a smile, if you're down, and it helps me return to myself. Hope you get a laugh...
tina jones
Pin Up Curls No Heat (Speed Humor)
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
My Study of Relationship Compatability
(Written well over two years ago. As I study others, so do I learn about myself.)
Ten Questions:
Ten Questions:
 |
| Me and my Sweetheart |
It has been brought to my attention that I share little of my real self online. Disquieting as I thought the remark, I found it upon self searching to be infallibly true. I’m a natural people watcher, but myself out of balance in that I have not been as open as most of you try to be with me. That is the basis for the ten questions I posted. These are the most important factors of compatability to ME in relationships of all kinds. I enjoy the numbers on various compatibility scales, but felt they were missing components that were key to me personally.
I’m only an authority on me.
I’m reposting the questions here along with the percentages providing not only my own answers but why they are important to me. There was no right or wrong answer. This was all about my own priorities and how they relate to the priorities of other people. It’s also about narrowing the spectrum of compatibility in friendships and relationships of all kinds. The names of participants will have been deleted by the time I post this in my blog. My main focus was not the individuals who posted, rather it was finding what percent of the population shared the idea of an ideal friend or mate with me. In some cases it was large, and in many it was small. It turns out, I’m a fairly hard match, but I already knew that.
While compatibility scales are fun and informative, I’ve found that without these factors, I can have a very high percentage of compatibility (according to some questions) and not be able to connect even on the basis of friendship, while at other times I’ve connected with people who showed a very low compatibility percentage to me. Indeed one of my best friends online is only 80% compatible. Still others I’m able to connect with beautifully, but only on some aspects, leaving other important aspects of myself with the need to communicate with others to share. It would be nice to share one’s “all” with one individual, but I don’t think we are designed to rely totally on one friendship, rather we are designed to be involved in a community with one person being foremost in our interactions…a soulmate? I don’t know, but I like to imagine. No one by the way checked 100% of the answers that I did. That may or may not matter.
I think the key is willingness of two people to set some differences aside while maintaining, respecting and encouraging the integrity of the individual. Keep in mind that whether we appear to match or not, the proof is in the actual interaction. Numbers are not going to do it. Differences, I might add can be very enjoyable.
For each of us determining what is most important and matching those things to another is something worth consideration. Similar activities, for instance is not at the top of my list, but if it’s on yours, be true to it. We could have over 90% in common, but if your looking for someone who is into the great outdoors, loves motorcycle riding and fishing, chances are you’re not looking for someone like me. On the other hand, if you’re into quiet evenings, art museums and discussions of hope for humanity, I’m your friend right off. It all depends on what a person is looking for, and this is only to cover activities.
(A good sign that we might be compatible is if you’ve read the above by the way. Smiles. If patience is not your forte, I’m going to get on your nerves.)
The questions and their results
tina Which is more important?
Similar Goals
|
4%
|
Similar Beliefs
|
25%
|
Similar Sexual Preferences
|
8%
|
Similar Outlook
|
33%
|
Similar Political Views
|
0%
|
Similar Interests/Hobbies
|
17%
|
Similar Intelligence
|
13%
|
Most important to me is “Similar Outlook. “ I have this in common with 33% of the people that answered. I need people in my life who view others and the world as I do. For me that is in the eyes of beauty and with compassion. If what you see is primarly unattractive out there, then we probably won’t be able to get far in our communications. I’m one to point out the colors of a sunset and the lovely wrinkles I see on an elderly person’s long smiling face. If you can see or are willing to see these, we’d get along fine. It was curious to me that with all the talk of politics, not a soul answered “Similar Political Views.” I have to wonder if they apply to love. I’m unsure how much, but it appears many don’t give it much weight in relationships. I wouldn’t either.
tina The World Is Becomming......
Better
|
24%
|
Worse
|
76%
|
My view is that the world is becoming “Better.” This relates to the first question. I consciously seek out positive acts of people and do my best to contribute to those. I’m a firm believer that we perceive or find precisely what we focus on, and my focus is on the positive. Here, I share this with only 24% of those who answered.
.
tina You see a couple kissing and think...
Free show!
|
0%
|
Get a room!
|
4%
|
When will I be loved?
|
4%
|
He's going to get laid.
|
0%
|
I wish it were me instead of him.
|
8%
|
It's nice to see people in love.
|
84%
|
What does she want?
|
0%
|
I see a couple kissing and think…..”It’s nice to see people in love.” Truthfully each of these answers has gone through my mind at one time or another, but when I am as usual in a mood to see beauty, I am pleased to see others caring for eachother be it kissing or a simple smile. Personally, I’m not one to show much affection publicly beyond holding hands or a kiss on the cheek. I’m always in mind of respect, but am open to the nature of the person I’m with as well. I have this in common with a great, 84%!
tina Can another person ruin your day?
Yes. It happens occasionally.
|
67%
|
No. It's not possible.
|
17%
|
Yes.It happens all of the time.
|
11%
|
No, I don't let myself get close enough for that.
|
6%
|
Can another person ruin your day? “No. It’s not possible” That’s for me though. Ten minutes of a rough time in any given day does not merit me handing my whole day over to whatever got to me. My time is too precious, and I refuse to let anything have that much control over my emotional state. I can’t afford the loss of a day over a bad carburetor or an unfriendly word. Other people are where they are, and I may have nothing to do with how they acted. I’m not in their shoes. I leave the moods of others to them rather than blaming them or myself. This way, if I am needed, I can be supportive. If I’ve decided to allow them to ruin my day, then I’m useless to them. I share this with only 17%.
tina I use my car horn....
About once a week.
|
6%
|
About once a month.
|
3%
|
To let other drivers know when they've messed up
|
24%
|
Only in emergencies.
|
21%
|
To say "Hi."
|
15%
|
Daily
|
6%
|
What horn?
|
24%
|
I use my car horn “What Horn?” for me. I share this with 24%. Here I was looking at what percentage of people feel it a responsibility to correct others. Chances are, they’d also feel responsible to correct me, and right or wrong, I don’t take well to that. I’m open to the opinions of others, and I need people who are open to mine as well. I was also looking for possibilities of road rage, as I don’t get in vehicles with those who do that. If your mad at driver number 3, talking bad about them, and I’m the one in the seat beside you, I’m the one that has to hear it. I enjoy peace too much for that. To me a drive is to have a good time, not to critique others. I don’t like loud noises either, but “only in emergencies” and “to say hi” would probably be compatible with me as well. (I realize that professional drivers need use horns more, but work is a separate-from-me issue) Realistically speaking, I’ve probably used my car horn three times in the 29 years that I’ve been driving to warn a deer or dog out of the way.
tina I'll be happy when...
When I find the love of my life.
|
37%
|
When my children graduate/move out/start school.
|
0%
|
I am happy.
|
48%
|
When the economy gets better.
|
4%
|
when I achieve my work/school goals.
|
4%
|
My medication makes me happy.
|
4%
|
I'm not happy, but I'm ok.
|
4%
|
I’ll be happy when…. “I am happy.” I share this with a heartening 48% of you! Smiles. Happy people attract happy people. I believe as many that another person or circumstance cannot “Make” me happy. It’s an inside job, and once happy I can share happiness with another.
tina I want someone
play with/do things with
|
14%
|
make me happy
|
4%
|
whom I could make happy
|
4%
|
to share life's struggles with.
|
18%
|
who is as happy as I am.
|
18%
|
who understands me.
|
32%
|
who makes sense.
|
11%
|
Relating to the previous question, I want someone “Who is as happy as I am.” If I can add to your happiness and you can add to mine, then we are likely compatible. I can’t save anyone from sorrow or loneliness. Those things, though sad and most worth my compassion, are not something I’m capable of healing. I can only share what I have inside of me, and if that were sorrow or a sense of impending doom that’s not something I think you’d want. I work at my own happiness by focusing on things to be grateful for, and looking for ways to be helpful to others. It’s difficult not to see beauty when I do these things. I share this with only 18% of you.
tina The woman you're with ends your relationship. She asked that you do/or not do a thing, yet you've continued it. You think:
What a drama queen
|
0%
|
She must have had someone else.
|
14%
|
I will never understand women.
|
14%
|
She never loved me.
|
14%
|
Good riddance!
|
14%
|
I wish I'd have taken her request to heart.
|
43%
|
I probably wasn't good enough for her.
|
0%
|
The woman you're with ends your relationship. She asked that you do/or not do a thing, yet you've continued it. You think: “I wish I’d have taken her (his in my case) request to heart.” I know myself and the mistakes I’ve made. There have been times when I didn’t listen as well as I wish I had, and wished I’d have paid more attention. I’m always one to look at myself for possible errors before looking at others. “Blame” is not a useful word in my vocabulary. I can’t change others, I can only change my own actions. I share this with 43% of you.
tina She's a giver/always doing something for someone and has put you off or stood you up repeatedly. You've asked her not to, but she continues
You think: I'm just being too dramatic/sensitive
|
17%
|
I have someone else anyway.
|
0%
|
She will never understand me.
|
17%
|
I never loved her anyway
|
0%
|
She's better off without me.
|
22%
|
I wish she'd take my request to heart.
|
39%
|
She wasn't good enough for me.
|
4%
|
This question was a repeat of question #8 only reversed. My answer remains the same. It’s about listening both ways to me, so it was, “I wish she’d (he’d in my case) taken my request to heart.” I did find it curious that a few indicated they’d think she’d have someone else, yet no one checked that they’d have someone else. I believe we see the world through our own eyes, meaning I can only project onto you what is inside of me. I.e.….if I’m very jealous, I am at least in my mind looking at other possibilities if not pursuing them. (I’m not a jealous person by the way, and all of my answers only pertain to me…an opinion) This time I matched 39%.
tina To you, most people are
Blind
|
6%
|
scared
|
3%
|
good hearted
|
42%
|
bad hearted
|
3%
|
selfish
|
16%
|
closed minded
|
19%
|
lonely
|
10%
|
To you, most people are “Good Hearted.” Again, I project what is in me out onto what I see in others. If I were someone who thought most people were “closed minded,” chances are I’d be working awfully hard at trying to get them to see things “my way,” or what I perceive is the “right way.” I don’t tolerate attempts of others who’d try to change, fix, save or adjust me and would not want to change another. We all want to be accepted for who we are. I’m also not one to get lonely or bored. I’m self entertaining, and would need a friend or mate to be able to amuse themselves too, so while I’m not into sports, you might be perfect for me if you are, because your football/golf time may be just what I need to paint and do my writing and research. I won’t be attending games as I don’t care for crowds though, and do use headphones if you like your tv games loud. (Aren’t I just awful? Grins!)
That’s the end of the questions. Thankyou again to all who participated.
Chemistry: Always in mind for me is that despite percentages something happens when it’s just right that is beyond my reasoning, and that’s hard on a person like me who loves logic. (humor). I do have a an ego, but I can set it aside.
A few last perhaps important aspects of me are that I am a recent cancer survivor (yeah!) (what kind? Same stuff that Farrah Faucett had. Look it up.) and that I am (if you’ve not figured it out yet) a female version of “Rainman.” I have high functioning autism, his was low functioning. No, I don’t memorize long series of numbers that is another member of my family. I see three dimensional objects and people in two dimensional puzzle pieces. That’s why I can paint. I’m not trained. It’s just the way I am. I don't do well in bright sun or heat for long and am seriously considering belly dance lessons having practiced by video tutorial on my own for some time. It's exercise for someone isn't into sweating like me, and it's just fun. I am multifaceted, as are you.
More than the blonde, lady in the red dress who enjoys making others laugh (smiling here), I’m challenging, independent, opinionated, logic (not opinion) oriented and a dreamer. Seeing me in a new light, I hope will offer others the self-permission to take more realistic views of precisely what they want, and the determination to be choosey about it. I more than realize that having stated my own thoughts will color me a non-option among some, but that will only point them to happier possibilities of better compatibility.
Wishing all of your dreams come true. Your desires and needs in relationships are part of who you are, sacred to me, and deserving of the best match for you.
tina
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
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We can blame organizations if we want, we can blame Autistic people if we want, (and I'm one too), but no problem I've ever faced since being an adult has been the result of anyone's thinking but my own.