Question For the Moon

   

   Why can't we have all night cafes with old books and a lazily plucking guitarist smelling of tobacco and Bukowski's poetry with a  hat like Tom Waits and callused fingers, maybe one who never quite stands up straight?
   He might, but effort's a costly thing when not for the purposes of pleasure, and the night, only lasts so long. (snap-quiet-snap)

   And it all lit by an intermittently buzzing neon sign that says, "Gladys" or something with the image of a leg-lifting can-can dancer with a dusty black velvet choker round her buttermilk and cigars songbird neck (click-quiet-click) and heavenly notes that spill over regrets.

   And a pool table where the overhead light reflects off of a tired dishwasher's misstruck 8-ball and the slap on the back with a, "You'll get 'em next time," followed by the crunch of a cockroach under the owner's fine faux leather loafer, and me leaving a few coins in a dented green metal ashtray, and the sound of these old shoes walking out the door? (Jingle-quiet...

tinajonesart
   

Meditation Experiencing Wonder

Some may remember that my son taught me it was o.k. to watch a trail of ants. I'd spent so much energy, like most people, being ever present, ever ready, ever busy, and he was the one that helped me be still. I'd been practicing meditation for a year before his birth, but it wasn't until he was five that I got it.
  We were sitting on lawn chairs next to a tree, and I was hypervigilant as always. He was engrossed in a trail of ants, and I smiled, because I used to watch them daily as a child. There was an ant mound behind the garage, and I go see what they were up to. It was a peaceful time in often very chaotic days.
   In loving, accepting and celebrating my beautiful son, I had to accept much about me, and if he relaxed by watching ants, then it was o.k. for me to relax too. I can't tell you the weight that lifted from my shoulders. He brought me home..to me.
  Of interest to me is I thought I didn't have time for meditation. I had so much to do. What I found was that taking even two minutes to be still, made me more effective in the rest of the day. I got more done, and was happier and more serene doing it. I felt very selfish to take this time for me, yet I found that the more I meditated, the more I was able to care for others, and the more I was able to participate in their wants and needs. Instead of the me against the world feelings I had, I became someone who could add to the lives of others while adding to my own. Negative feelings lessened, and more and more I saw beauty everywhere, even....in me.
  Meditation has been an integral part of my daily practice of self care since the age of 23. There are many forms, some involving breathing techniques, focus on one thing, emptying the mind, reading or visualizations. Sometimes meditation is done in our movements like walking, being fully present and noticing details, sometimes it's letting each thought and moment pass. Sometimes it's mantras, repeating a phrase that soothes, other times it's opening the mind to beauty. I used to teach meditation in a treatment center for alcoholism and drug abuse, and I enjoyed it greatly.
    This meditation is on beauty in the ordinary, stillness and the willingness to experience wonder and awe. Meditation is much more about letting it happen than trying. You can't do it wrong. smiles. In this one, all that is required is listening. It's ok if the mind wanders, simply return gently. If you feel sleepy, it may be your mind telling you, "I need more rest." We fight to be super aware a lot of the time. This time is for you.

My Meditation on Experiencing Wonder: A Trail of Ants
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxQS4RyoWic&feature=youtu.be




tina jones

My Study of Relationship Compatability

(Written well over two years ago. As I study others, so do I learn about myself.)
Ten Questions:

Me and my Sweetheart

    It has been brought to my attention that I share little of my real self online. Disquieting as I thought the remark, I found it upon self searching to be infallibly true. I’m a natural people watcher, but myself out of balance in that I have not been as open as most of you try to be with me. That is the basis for the ten questions I posted. These are the most important factors of compatability to ME in relationships of all kinds. I enjoy the numbers on various compatibility scales, but felt they were missing components that were key to me personally.

 I’m only an authority on me.

 I’m reposting the questions here along with the percentages providing not only my own answers but why they are important to me. There was no right or wrong answer. This was all about my own priorities and how they relate to the priorities of other people. It’s also about narrowing the spectrum of compatibility in friendships and relationships of all kinds. The names of participants will have been deleted by the time I post this in my blog. My main focus was not the individuals who posted, rather it was finding what percent of the population shared the idea of an ideal friend or mate with me.  In some cases it was large, and in many it was small. It turns out, I’m a fairly hard match, but I already knew that.

   While compatibility scales are fun and informative, I’ve found that without these factors, I can have a very high percentage of compatibility (according to some questions) and not be able to connect even on the basis of friendship, while at other times I’ve connected with people who showed a very low compatibility percentage to me. Indeed one of my best friends online is only 80% compatible. Still others I’m able to connect with beautifully, but only on some aspects, leaving other important aspects of myself with the need to communicate with others to share. It would be nice to share one’s “all” with one individual, but I don’t think we are designed to rely totally on one friendship, rather we are designed to be involved in a community with one person being foremost in our interactions…a soulmate? I don’t know, but I like to imagine. No one by the way checked 100% of the answers that I did. That may or may not matter.

   I think the key is willingness of two people to set some differences aside while maintaining, respecting and encouraging the integrity of the individual. Keep in mind that whether we appear to match or not, the proof is in the actual interaction. Numbers are not going to do it. Differences, I might add can be very enjoyable.

    For each of us determining what is most important and matching those things to another is something worth consideration. Similar activities, for instance is not at the top of my list, but if it’s on yours, be true to it. We could have over 90% in common, but if your looking for someone who is into the great outdoors, loves motorcycle riding and fishing, chances are you’re not looking for someone like me. On the other hand, if you’re into quiet evenings, art museums and discussions of hope for humanity, I’m your friend right off.  It all depends on what a person is looking for, and this is only to cover activities.

  (A good sign that we might be compatible is if you’ve read the above by the way. Smiles. If patience is not your forte, I’m going to get on your nerves.)

The questions and their results

1.

tina Which is more important?

Similar Goals	4%
Similar Beliefs	25%
Similar Sexual Preferences	8%
Similar Outlook	33%
Similar Political Views	0%
Similar Interests/Hobbies	17%
Similar Intelligence	13%

Most important to me is “Similar Outlook. “ I have this in common with 33% of the people that answered. I need people in my life who view others and the world as I do. For me that is in the eyes of beauty and with compassion. If what you see is primarly unattractive out there, then we probably won’t be able to get far in our communications. I’m one to point out the colors of a sunset and the lovely wrinkles I see on an elderly person’s long smiling face. If you can see or are willing to see these, we’d get along fine. It was curious to me that with all the talk of politics, not a soul answered “Similar Political Views.” I have to wonder if they apply to love.  I’m unsure how much, but it appears many don’t give it much weight in relationships. I wouldn’t either.

2.

tina The World Is Becomming......

Better	24%
Worse	76%

My view is that the world is becoming “Better.” This relates to the first question. I consciously seek out positive acts of people and do my best to contribute to those. I’m a firm believer that we perceive or find precisely what we focus on, and my focus is on the positive. Here, I share this with only 24% of those who answered.

.

3.

tina You see a couple kissing and think...

Free show!	0%
Get a room!	4%
When will I be loved?	4%
He's going to get laid.	0%
I wish it were me instead of him.	8%
It's nice to see people in love.	84%
What does she want?	0%

I see a couple kissing and think…..”It’s nice to see people in love.” Truthfully each of these answers has gone through my mind at one time or another, but when I am as usual in a mood to see beauty, I am pleased to see others caring for eachother be it kissing or a simple smile. Personally, I’m not one to show much affection publicly beyond holding hands or a kiss on the cheek. I’m always in mind of respect, but am open to the nature of the person I’m with as well.  I have this in common with a great, 84%!

4.

tina Can another person ruin your day?

Yes. It happens occasionally.	67%
No. It's not possible.	17%
Yes.It happens all of the time.	11%
No, I don't let myself get close enough for that.	6%

Can another person ruin your day? “No. It’s not possible” That’s for me though. Ten minutes of a rough time in any given day does not merit me handing my whole day over to whatever got to me. My time is too precious, and I refuse to let anything have that much control over my emotional state. I can’t afford the loss of a day over a bad carburetor or an unfriendly word. Other people are where they are, and I may have nothing to do with how they acted. I’m not in their shoes. I leave the moods of others to them rather than blaming them or myself.  This way, if I am needed, I can be supportive. If I’ve decided to allow them to ruin my day, then I’m useless to them. I share this with only 17%.

5.

tina I use my car horn....

About once a week.	6%
About once a month.	3%
To let other drivers know when they've messed up	24%
Only in emergencies.	21%
To say "Hi."	15%
Daily	6%
What horn?	24%

I use my car horn “What Horn?” for me. I share this with 24%. Here I was looking at what percentage of people feel it a responsibility to correct others. Chances are, they’d also feel responsible to correct me, and right or wrong, I don’t take well to that. I’m open  to the opinions of others, and I need people who are open to mine as well. I was also looking for possibilities of road rage, as I don’t get in vehicles with those who do that. If your mad at driver number 3, talking bad about them, and I’m the one in the seat beside you, I’m the one that has to hear it. I enjoy peace too much for that. To me a drive is to have a good time, not to critique others. I don’t like loud noises either, but “only in emergencies” and “to say hi” would probably be compatible with me as well. (I realize that professional drivers need use horns more, but work  is a separate-from-me issue) Realistically speaking, I’ve probably used my car horn three times in the 29 years that I’ve been driving to warn a deer or dog out of the way.

6.

tina I'll be happy when...

When I find the love of my life.	37%
When my children graduate/move out/start school.	0%
I am happy.	48%
When the economy gets better.	4%
when I achieve my work/school goals.	4%
My medication makes me happy.	4%
I'm not happy, but I'm ok.	4%

I’ll be happy when…. “I am happy.” I share this with a heartening 48% of you! Smiles. Happy people attract happy people. I believe as many that another person or circumstance cannot “Make” me happy. It’s an inside job, and once happy I can share happiness with another.

7.

tina I want someone

play with/do things with	14%
make me happy	4%
whom I could make happy	4%
to share life's struggles with.	18%
who is as happy as I am.	18%
who understands me.	32%
who makes sense.	11%

Relating to the previous question, I want someone “Who is as happy as I am.” If I can add to your happiness and you can add to mine, then we are likely compatible. I can’t save anyone from sorrow or loneliness. Those things, though sad and most worth my compassion, are not something I’m capable of healing. I can only share what I have inside of me, and if that were sorrow or a sense of impending doom that’s not something I think you’d want. I work at my own happiness by focusing on things to be grateful for, and looking for ways to be helpful to others. It’s difficult not to see beauty when I do these things. I share this with only 18% of you.

8.

tina The woman you're with ends your relationship. She asked that you do/or not do a thing, yet you've continued it. You think:

What a drama queen	0%
She must have had someone else.	14%
I will never understand women.	14%
She never loved me.	14%
Good riddance!	14%
I wish I'd have taken her request to heart.	43%
I probably wasn't good enough for her.	0%

The woman you're with ends your relationship. She asked that you do/or not do a thing, yet you've continued it. You think: “I wish I’d have taken her (his in my case) request to heart.” I know myself and the mistakes I’ve made. There have been times when I didn’t listen as well as I wish I had, and wished I’d have paid more attention. I’m always one to look at myself for possible errors before looking at others. “Blame” is not a useful word in my vocabulary. I can’t change others, I can only change my own actions.  I share this with 43% of you.

9.

tina She's a giver/always doing something for someone and has put you off or stood you up repeatedly. You've asked her not to, but she continues

You think: I'm just being too dramatic/sensitive	17%
I have someone else anyway.	0%
She will never understand me.	17%
I never loved her anyway	0%
She's better off without me.	22%
I wish she'd take my request to heart.	39%
She wasn't good enough for me.	4%

This question was a repeat of question #8 only reversed. My answer remains the same. It’s about listening both ways to me, so it was, “I wish she’d (he’d in my case) taken my request to heart.” I did find it curious that a few indicated they’d think she’d have someone else, yet no one checked that they’d have someone else.  I believe we see the world through our own eyes, meaning I can only project onto you what is inside of me. I.e.….if I’m very jealous, I am at least in my mind looking at other possibilities if not pursuing them.  (I’m not a jealous person by the way,  and all of my answers only pertain to me…an opinion) This time I matched 39%.

10.

tina To you, most people are

Blind	6%
scared	3%
good hearted	42%
bad hearted	3%
selfish	16%
closed minded	19%
lonely	10%

To you, most people are “Good Hearted.” Again, I project what is in me out onto what I see in others. If I were someone who thought most people were “closed minded,” chances are I’d be working awfully hard at trying to get them to see things “my way,” or what I perceive is the “right way.” I don’t tolerate attempts of others who’d try to change, fix, save or adjust me and would not want to change another. We all want to be accepted for who we are. I’m also not one to get lonely or bored. I’m self entertaining, and would need a friend or mate to be able to amuse themselves too, so while I’m not into sports, you might be perfect for me if you are, because your football/golf  time may be just what I need to paint and do my writing and research. I won’t be attending games as I don’t care for crowds though, and do use headphones if you like your tv games loud. (Aren’t I just awful? Grins!)

That’s the end of the questions. Thankyou again to all who participated.

Chemistry: Always in mind for me is that despite percentages something happens when it’s just right that is beyond my  reasoning, and that’s hard on a person like me who loves logic. (humor). I do have a an ego, but I can set it aside.

  A few last perhaps important aspects of me are that I am a recent cancer survivor (yeah!) (what kind? Same stuff that Farrah Faucett had. Look it up.) and that I am (if you’ve not figured it out yet) a female version of “Rainman.” I have high functioning autism, his was low functioning. No, I don’t memorize long series of numbers that is another member of my family. I see three dimensional objects and people in two dimensional puzzle pieces. That’s why I can paint. I’m not trained. It’s just the way I am. I don't do well in bright sun or heat for long and am seriously considering belly dance lessons having practiced by video tutorial on my own for some time. It's exercise for someone isn't into sweating like me, and it's just fun. I am multifaceted, as are you.

 More than the blonde,  lady in the red dress who enjoys making others laugh (smiling here), I’m challenging, independent, opinionated, logic (not opinion) oriented and  a dreamer. Seeing me in a new light, I hope will offer others the self-permission to take more realistic views of precisely what they want, and the determination to be choosey about it. I more than realize that having stated my own thoughts will color me a non-option among some, but that will only point them to happier possibilities of better compatibility.

Wishing all of your dreams come true. Your desires and needs in relationships are part of who you are, sacred to me, and deserving of the best match for you.

tina

72 Questions I've Been Asked (Humor and Other)

I'm amazed by the questions I get asked.
Some interesting inquiries and comments have come up privately, and sometimes they come up publicly. Often these come up in everyday talk of art, so they may be useful to others.
   Some are about Art. Some are about Autism/Aspergers, and some are about at the end of my limits!  It seems more time conserving to write the answers here, rather than answer individually.

Quickly, this should cover most of them:

1.   How big are they? Think of your mother, your aunt and your grandmother, put them all together along with any vision you may have, subtract the b.s., and you'll be there.
2.   How long are your legs? They keep my butt from dragging the ground.
3.   You have no ass! You have no hobbies, obviously. Look up any picture of "The Three Graces," and get over it.
4.     How do you grow your fingernails? I don't gnaw them off. I also eat a good amount of protein, and can't stand snags. Those are filed as soon as possible. They don't get a chance to catch on anything and break. I'm sure genetics are involved as well.
5.    How do you get away with charging $900. for an oil portrait? When you charge $100, people tell you what to paint. When you charge $900, they're just glad you're painting. I average about 3 commissoins a year for several years now.
6.    Why aren't you married? I tried three times. It's not one of my talents.
7.    Where were you educated/who taught you to paint?  I have no formal education, and I didn't take lay classes. I have a neurological disorder (Asperger's Syndrome) that cripples me when around many people, and it also sets me in the 98th percentile intellectually when it comes to memorizational skills. (Yes it was tested.) I was born memorizing faces. Practice for decades followed by reading some books rather than chewing the backs off of them, led me to understanding and learning things like how to mix mediums. I was not born knowing what turpentine was. I also asked a lot of questions of other artists. Some of them will even tell you the truth.
8.    How do you memorize faces when people with Autism have face blindness/forget faces? Many times I know a face, but have no idea who they are. I forget people, but I rarely forget a wrinkle, a freckle or the hair growth pattern of their eyebrows. Names, unfortunately don't stick.
9.    Why don't you know about html, nuclear physics, and why can't you memorize the phone book like Rain Man? I have no interest in phone books. I don't like to talk on the phone, and I've no interest in being anyone's side show act. Physics of any kind, however does interest me, though I know little about it.
10.   What kind of shampoo do you use? I switch between different kinds and brands, but I do have a liking for green bottles. No idea why... I don't shampoo more than once every few days unless I've done sweaty work, and I don't use a lot of gooey products in my hair.
11.    Do you work out? Do I look like someone who likes to sweat?!
12.   I still don't get it? How in the world is someone born knowing how to draw or paint?! Think of it this way. Let's say you were born somehow knowing on some level about your sexuality. Small examples appeared as soon as you were able to express and demonstrate liking for certain toys or people. Later, you instinctively knew  you were supposed to do something with this inborn ability. Eventually, you figured it out, and with dedicated practice even at times obsession, you got good at it. Now, the rest of the world had to go to college for six years to figure out what goes where and why or to even begin to play with toys and like minded people, but you just had it in you from birth. By golly, You're a natural! That is how I know how to paint.
13.   Sexuality? You're a sex maniac like all artists! Ok let me try again. Let's say your grandmother was born with a flair for food flavors. She didn't know the names, but she knew what tastes went well together. Through passion and desire, she tried an idea or two, and at the age of five made one hell of a good cake. It looked like a miracle to everyone around. Dedicated, even obsesively at times, she practiced and became an excellent cook. Now, I was not born knowing any of this. I only ate one flavor at a time. I can, however follow your grandmother's recipe and make a pretty good cake. She was born with it, I had to learn it. She knows cooking like I know painting.
14.    Do you think measles vaccines cause Autism? I don't know. I never had them. Scarey, huh? grins I had both Rubella and Rubiola in the first three weeks of my life, before the vaccines were scheduled, so there was no need for them. Can they cause Autism? I don't know. Did they cause mine? Obviously not.
15.    Why don't you know everything about painting if you were born with it? I've not needed or been exposed to everything. I'm only 46, and I'm still learning. When I need something, I learn it, just like you do. I just learn better on my own than from books or others. It's neurological.
16.     If you're so smart, then why can't you fix my car? I don't know anything about cars.
17.    What were your favorite subjects in high school: Math of any kind and Science. Both break down the small parts of things, and are tidy precise works. I like that, and the same applies to my way of doing art.
18.     Why don't you eat sugar and grains? When I did, I got horrendously fat. When I quit, my appetite went down, and I lost the extra pounds.
19.    But the FDA Food Pyramid says.....: They also approve drugs that get class action law suits for dammages roughly three years after each drug is approved. My body says, "Don't eat it."
20.    What the hell is that hum in your voice?: It's stim. Many people with Autism have them. That hum is a vocal stim.  I also flick my fingers against the palm of my hand, hand flap if very excited, rock to and fro, and have a go at tongue chewing when it hits me. Try it. It may calm you down too.
21.     Did you ever try to stop stimming? Yes, I was punished for it as a child. For example, I used to thump my head on the floor gently and rhymically to calm myself. I was told by the person who "helped" me with that, "I just took the back of your head and slammed your face into the floor like a basket ball." They are quite proud of their achievement, and laugh about it. I don't find it funny, I find it abusive. As a teen and young adult, I tried to hide the stims and tone them down, but I was never totally successful. Aging, life experience and resetting my priorities, helped me let go of what other's thought, relax and just be myself. If stimming bothers them, they have a problem, and I can't help them with that. It works better to be true to myself.
22.     Can you cook? Only if I'm hungry, and even then it's not pretty.
23.    Are all artist really sex fiends? You do paint naked people.: No, but many non artists have a very rich fantasy life that extends beyond the bounds of logic. It is exceeding difficult to do anything else while painting, let alone consider having sex. Paint is a lot of hard work, inborn or not. It takes focus, and at the very least the other person would be cheated of my attention. I'm not someone who can read a book during sex either, by the way. I tend to get involved. Also, reading takes a lot of focus. I'm very slow at it.
24.    But you look at a naked person for hours and don't get turned on? I know your musculature and your bones. I also know the inner workings of your kidneys. That doesn't turn me on either.  What I'm basically looking at is your particular dispersion of fat. That will determine how light plays differently on you than the next nude.
25.    I can't draw/paint, because I wasn't born with talent like you: More than anything, I was born with desire. If you have that, anything is possible. I also practice a lot. If you do that, you'll get better. Further, I've seen many from simple Bob Ross type painting through portraiture without them knowing how I "learned" it. Talent or in my case a neurological bend doesn't mean anything without hard work.
26.    But I'll never paint like you! No, and I'll never paint like you. The world needs all of us, and all of our art. Don't short change it, by not doing your very important part. And don't shortchange me. I may learn something from you.
27.    Would you marry me? :Would you like to be slapped? What have I done to you?
28.     Do you ever donate paintings? Yes, I do two charity works a year, but that is my limit, and I'm backed up until next year. I choose who I do them for based on how helpful I think they'll be.
29.     So you're a self taught artist: No, again. It's built in. Are you a self taught breather? You knew it, not intellectually, but instinctually. Later, you may have learned controlled breathing exercises, later I learned how to mix mediums, colors and what not.
30.     Will you meet me at..? Not a chance in hell or earth.
31.     Why don't you charge for telling people how to paint? I wasn't charged for it. I'm sure given time, you could do it on your own, and I get joy from helping and seeing others get it. You don't need me to learn, I'm just here to remind you of that. The online stuff is free. What I have charged for is when people want to meet me to paint. The lessons are free, me being around people costs.
32.   You can paint anything! No. I have trouble with multi-layered flowers. It's more an annoyance than a disability, especially if the flowers are pink. The color irritates me.
33.    Are you into bondage? If you cannot sit still and pose while I paint you without the use of ropes, then I simply will not paint you.
34.    Why aren't you in all of the competitions?: How does competition add to my desire to help others learn how to paint? I get as much joy if not more from seeing them succeed. Competing against them is counterproductive to my desire. I'd rather challenge myself, my last painting, than worry about outdoing someone else. I find it a waste of time. That said, I do enter one competition a year just to see if I can outdo myself. So far, they've not let me in, so no one is in any danger. grins.
35.   Why won't you meet me? It's not personal. I just don't like you.
36.  But I don't have any money to paint: Use food coloring or coffee, and a shoe string on a piece of news paper. Show me your results, and together, we'll make it better.
37.    How did you learn to paint skin?: That one was harder. I had the misfortune of having bruises regularly as a child, and I had access to some old makeup. The 70's had a lot of different colors. I used them on my own skin to try to cover marks. I found that yellow for instance will cover a purple bruise, green eye shadow would tone down a red mark, etc. I got pretty good at it. The same works on a canvas. If the subject is too yellow, add purple, too red, add green, etc.
38.   Oh sorry: Stuff happens. I learned, moving on.
39.    Aren't you angry about this? I was for years, but anger is exhausting. They did the best they could. It was a crappy job. To remain angry is to remain enslaved. I'm free, safe, I've let go, I wish them well, I can't help them, and I'm content. Blame is a useless endeavor, and a good way to keep from being responsible for one's own choices. I'm a big girl now. I choose happiness.
40.    I think you're a Light Seeker, Angel, an Indigo Child,  my Soul Mate! Sucking up about meeting is not going to make it happen. I think you're nuts, and suggest getting help, but not from me.
41.    But don't you want recognition?! For what?
42.     For teaching people how to paint? I haven't taught them anything. I show some techniques. The rest is up to them. I just remind them that they can do it. They always could. Something about life makes people forget, I think.
43.    Fine! If you're an artist who's not a sex maniac, then how many people have you slept with?! Fewer than I've had sex with.
44.    So I've read people like you have no empathy, are you mean? No, infact I feel so deeply that it incapacitates me at times. Other times, the way I feel empathy and act on it, is very useful. Picture a fight between two very rough boys. One is getting hurt bad. Normal empathy is displayed in a group watching. Some empathize with the winner, yelling to cheer him on, and others empathize with eachother at the horror by holding onto eachother in fear and perhaps crying. I do not have these kinds of empathy. What I feel is for the person being hurt. I do not join the crowd. My empathetic action is to run straight in and stop the fight. This makes me the odd one out to the group, therefore they do not see my empathy, but it is of little matter, if I stopped the harm.
45.   So, do you think normal people are stupid by the way they empathize? No, I think different ways of feeling and reaction are useful in different situations. I wouldn't be of much use at a group comiserating over the loss of a hair product, and that need in society is met by those who can empathize with it. I just put my hair in a bun, but many are debilitated by what others think. They need the empathy of those who can relate better than I. People like this are much better at creating bonds than I am, and it's an inherent to them matter of survival, so I'm not trivializing by mentioning hair products. It's just an example I've seen.
46.    Don't you care what others think about you? Ofcourse I do, but not much. I care more what I think.
47.    Why aren't you medicated for your symptoms of Autism like anxiety? Along with Autism, I am also a recovering alcoholic/drug addict. Medications act in a way that is unpredictable in all of these. Basically, if the insert says, "Rare side effects" you might as well put my name beside them. In some of us, they do more harm than good. In others, they are life savers.
48.    Why won't you come enter our show? If I did that, I fear, and have been even warned, press might be involved, and I do not want to choke anyone on camera! I do not like crowds or spotlights. Best to let paintings enjoy lights. I do not find myself nearly as fascinating as your paintings. Further, I am not a press opportunity. I am a person.
49.    Do you paint naked? Do you do your dishes naked? Wait, I don't want to know. Pigments in paint that are toxic like Cadmiums, Titanium and Cobalts among others can be absorbed through the skin. It's wise to cover oneself. Further, don't eat while painting.
50.   Why do you do glazing? Your paint is not thick enough! Thick paint was invented by the Impressionists. I'm not that impressed with it. Oh it's fine and even beautiful, but it doesn't offer the glow of glazing that I want. It's just a personal preferrence.
51.    What kind of music do you listen to when painting? I often paint in silence, but I do love Andrea Bocelli, and if I'm painting for sheer silliness, I'll listen to Pop music.
52.    Why the loose black and white paintings when I've seen your realistic oil portraits? When I had cancer, I was very limited to how much time I could sit up. Setting up with two colors, a medium and a canvas was quicker than the range of oils I needed, and Acrylics meant I could get a lot done in the short time I had. I set a goal of fifty, aware that I might not live that long. I've surpassed the goal by several. I've lost count. Now, they are just fun for me.
53.    So...the cancer. Are you ok now? Yes, thankyou. I'm cancer free.
54.    Can you still have children? I'm a grandmother! Back off junior!
55.     How do you make time for painting? How do you make time for hugging, dancing, yard work, cooking. My time is spent on what I love, just like yours is. 
56.   Will you paint my deceased Grandmother? No. I no longer paint dead people. It's hard to get them to pose (humor). Seriously, I found that the emotional reactions of those I painted for were too overwhelming for me.
57.    Do you paint from photos? Yes. I take as many as 20 photos, and choose what ones work best. Something will show in one that does not in another. I also often do sketching from life along with the photos. Photography can be blurred, enhanced or otherwise enough off that I need life to see what I'm doing. The photos are there for reference, not for copying.
58.    Do you ever use a projector? I have, but it's been years. Personally, I love sketching. It's my first love, and I enjoy practicing it. Not everyone does. I don't see a thing wrong with projectors, grids or what have you. They can certainly expediate the process, but why get something over with that you enjoy? Also, there will come a time in each painting where initial lines are lost, and an artist's ability to draw will save that painting. So, no matter the initial method, I do encourage continued drawing practice.
59.   Are you rich? No, coupon cutting is an art form, and thrift shops love me.
60.    How do you dress as an artist? I just cover it up.
61.    Why are you playing with that wad of clay? It's called a "kneaded eraser." It can be formed to erase either broadly or precisely. It feels good to play with. Get your own!
62.   Do you stand or sit painting? It depends on how high the work is, and if I can reach it. Also, for me, standing aides in looser work, while sitting gets me more precision, and is easier on my back.
63.   Who is your favorite artist? It changes daily. Any beginner that I see trying stands out as magnificent to me.
64.   Why do you paint people? I've not found anything more beautiful or fascinating by spirit or visage.
65.    Can you paint in black and white, color, in oils, acrylics, water color, guache, egg tempera, spit and dirt, lasagne, etc.? If it makes a mark, yes I can paint with it. (so can you)
66.     Where do you get your patience for painting? Again, it's built in, like many people's love for chocolate. Do you need patience to eat a candy bar? Same thing. You're hardwired to love what you love. So am I.
67.    How long does it take you to finish a painting? Until I'm done. Glazing in oils, anywhere from a few weeks to about 6 weeks. Looser acrylics, a day or two. The rest are somewhere in between.
68.    If not marriage, are you interested in being a concubine? I'm perfectly capable of painting anyone with horns and a tail, naming it, "!#*##(#*$##!" and displaying it publicly.
69.    Where do you get your strength to paint? I meditate.
70.     How do you meditate? I paint.
71.     Can I paint you naked? I have no idea. Let me see your portfolio.
72.     Will you let me paint you naked? No.

  
  
tina jones

Artists on the Autism Spectrum: Improving Gallery Accessibility

   I was very impressed recently when my state of Kentucky published an article for improving the accessibility to galleries for people with disabilities. Autistic viewers were mentioned, and I welled up with pride at living in a state that shows active awareness for it's people!
http://creativecommonwealth.ky.gov/
   I had to write to tell them, and I asked if they had ideas for people on the Autism Spectrum who were Artists themselves, as well as offering to collaborate on some ideas I had. They said "The Arts council would love to have your insights."
  I took ideas I had and went to the people who know best. I went to other artists with Autism, and asked what problems they'd encountered, and what ideas they had that might help. I also went to my daughter who came up with some great insights, as well as numerous people who are not Autistic, yet have some of the same issues with sensory problems. I was amazed at how willing people were to help each other!
  To begin, the two main inhibitors to artists with Autism are Sensory Issues and difficulty in socializing. Galleries need to entertain patrons, and it's beneficial to them that artists and patrons socialize. Galleries are a business, and socializing means sales. As Temple Grandin has indicated, we on the Spectrum are not good at "selling ourselves." We must sell our work, our talents, expertise and our portfolios. This is the problem I hope to build a bridge of understanding over, and hopefully help to facilitate compromise that will be beneficial to artists on the Autism Spectrum, Patrons of the arts, and Galleries.
 Following are two lists. One is ideas that galleries might be able to do to improve accessibility, facilitate interaction between artists with Autism/Asperger's and Patrons. The second is some things artist's with Autism may be able to do themselves to make the experience simpler and more enjoyable, beneficial. These are only ideas. What works for one may need adjusting for another, but it's a place to begin.


   
 To Galleries:
     Sensory Issues: Things like a lot of noise can be enough to cause a person with Autism to lose their ability to communicate, and communication means sales. It can cause us to have to leave to regain our composure. What happens with me, personally is that when music is loud, I cannot focus on what you or Patrons are saying. I physically feel the loudness, and it's overwhelming. At the very least, I'd have to walk out. I might be shaken to tears. Those who are more sensitive than I could run, cover their ears, and scream. We are more sensitive to sound than the average person. For comparison, it might be like you standing by a 6ft speaker at a rock concert while trying to have a gentle conversation. It's not possible.
    1-Consider asking the artist what music they might prefer (I realize this is there for the Patrons, so giving the artist some choice in input might help. I, for instance, would be much more comfortable with a soft string quartet or a gentle classical CD than a rock band or country music band.)

    2- Consider having no music

       Social Issues: Most often, it's been suggested that I mingle and talk to Patrons. This is exceedingly difficult for me and impossible for some others. I and others have trouble conversing, knowing when to speak or where we belong. We can get lost if we don't know exactly what to do. Some things you might do to make this easier:

  1- A designated place for the artist with Autism. (We can leave this, but have it to return to.)Think in terms of a book signing. I need to know where I'm supposed to be/ have a place to belong. If a table and chair were set up, where others could approach me one at a time, I'd be much more comfortable and have an easier time talking to Patrons. I'd suggest this be set at the furthest possible distance from the loudest area if there is music as possible.

  2-  Consider using our written materials to aid in communication. The artist may only be able to make "appearances." If the gathering is 2 hours long, some of us may only be able to be there for 10 minutes, leave then return for 10 more. We may be able to provide you with written information about our work. Consider that a worker might field some questions for us. We may also have an assistant with us that can help with this. (see 3)

  3- We may be unable to speak. Some of us cannot at all, others like me can go mute during very stressful situations. Consider that we may have to bring a person to speak on our behalf, or at least aid us in conversation with Patrons.

  4- Short speeches or our writing read by another: Where mingling isn't possible for some of us, some may be able to do a short monologue about our work. We may even be able to answer a few questions from the crowd. While we can be as nervous as anyone in a *speech* situation, it is far easier than mingling. (The Lexington Art League at the Loudon House has an "Gallery Talk" once a month that would be a great model for this. There, the artist talks to a group of artists. This could be used for the artist to also talk to a group of Patrons at the beginning of a show, or at some point during. A quiet area would need be extablished for this.)

  5- We could benefit greatly from a private "cool down" area, as mentioned in the article (link above)that inspired me. If given this, we could take a break, relax and come back fresh to interact.

  6- Online communication: You may work with artist who simply cannot be present for shows. Often, non verbal artists can type and communicate beautifully in online "chat" situations. Consider that one or even a few computers might be set up at a show, so that Patrons could interact with the artist. (Patrons love an eccentric artist, and a good story to tell of the artwork they purchased and how they got to know the artist! They'll eat it up!)

   7-Video and photos might be provided by the artist where possible. If the situation is such that the artist is verbal, but cannot attend a public show, consider that the artist might make a short video discussing their work and provide it to you. It might be shown to patrons as part of the display.


  To my fellow Artists with Autism Spectrum Disorder:
   As you've read above, I've only covered a few things. Other sensory problems like various smells from perfumes, foods that may be served, people that may bump into us, talk too loud...all of these things are causes for potential melt-downs or shutdowns. Here are some of the ideas I've gathered from my experience and from others on what we can do to make the experience more pleasant. (Those who may be going to assist the artist, can help be sure these or some of these are available.)

   Sensory Issues:
  
1- Eat about an hour before the show. Nervousness can do terrible things to our stomachs, and many of us have food allergies. Best to leave the snack table to the Patrons.

2-Bring or get water. A dry mouth is not good for talking. Bring lip moisturizer as well. Anxiety can rob the mouth of much needed moisture.

3- Keep a comfort object with you. Mine is a kneaded eraser that I can roll and squeeze. Anything that gives you comfort and a sense of familiarity will do. (I never worry about what others think. They expect artists to be a little "eccentric" anyway, and I can even have some fun with it. The point is to take care of me first, then I can be there for them.)

4- Never wear new clothes, rather wear what is clean, and comfortable to you. Look nice, but don't over do with things that are going to cause discomfort. Itching, tugging at uncomfortable fabric or wrestling new shoes is going to make it all more stressful. Be true to you, and don't try to look or act whatever you may think "normal" is. Just wear what you like, and feel good in.

5- Consider long sleeves or a jacket/sweater that you can remove if need be. Like many I have touch sensory issues. NT's love to touch my arm when talking. Long sleeves help buffer this, so I don't feel imposed on or invaded suddenly. I'd also suggest a pair of light gloves if hand shaking is a problem. Remember, you can opt not to shake hands too. Have something in your hands like a bottle of water in one hand and painting in the other, and no one is going to try to shake your hand.

6- Lights: Gallery lights are often low key, and fortunately aimed at paintings rather than us. Still, if they are an issue of pain or discomfort, consider wearing light sunglasses. It's a small buffer, but it often helps me in stores.

7- If you're someone who wears hats, these may help buffer some of the noise and sensations around you to help you focus on the patrons.

 8- Be realistic about how much time you can tolerate being around people. Never say to yourself, "Well I know I can do ten minutes, but I'm sure I can push it to twenty or an hour." Do your ten, take a break and do ten more. If this is repeated, you may be able to stay much longer than you think. If you are only able to do a few minutes, then you have succeeded. If all you can do is send the work, you have succeeded. Be realistic about the expectations you put on yourself, and do not push. Consider what you'd ask an Autistic friend to try, and only go that far. Be as good to you as you naturally are to others.


   Social Issues/Communication:

  1- Have someone who knows you and your work go with you. This person can help with questions, give out information, and help you in a panic situation.

  2- Go to the gallery before the show, even days before. Note where exits are, and where you might go to get away from the crowd for a time if need be. Spot the restrooms and the water. Ask questions. Consider going to a show at this gallery before your show. See how things go, watch and listen to what the artist says and does. See if you might implement some of these ideas.

 3- Make a list of all of your works, and write a little bit about each one, size, price, what medium you used. Write a short paragraph, even two or three sentences about each work. These might be posted beside the work. Also, when a Patron asks you about that work, you can speak a little, then hand them a copy of this note just for them to keep and hold. This can make the experience personal to them. (and they like that) Have business cards: Simply having your contact information written down to hand your Patron can help.

 4- Write or get help writing a paragraph or two, but keep it to a page, about your art. If there is a theme in your show, write it down, and make sure the gallery has a copy of it well before the show. It will help them in promotions. I'll include a list of questions commonly asked of me by Patrons, and my own answers. This may help you form a *script* of what to say in these often awkward situations.

5- Consider an Artistic Autistic duo. Think of times when you had someone to look after. I've felt more confident in those times, so having shows with an other person with Autism my be highly beneficial. Consider group shows as well.

6- It's easier to cheer on another artist. Many of us feel very uncomfortable chatting up our own work (it feels fake, and the work should stand for itself, right?), but we can be champion's for one another, often speaking with much more ease.

7- Consider making attainable goals for communication. If you are verbal, a goal might be to say, "Hi." to three people. You can say, 'Hi" to more, but make a goal plan. This way, we know what to do from the time we walk in the door. ie. I belong at this table. I can go anywhere, but that's my anchor/safe spot, I need to say, "Hi" to three people. These will be small goals for others, but they can be big for us.

8- Establish a panic signal for the person you have assisting you. It can be a simple word or a tug on your own ear. Anything that you and they establish means, "Get me out of here!" or "I need help." Make sure both of you understand this. This person may need to play "linebacker" to get you through the crowd and out to a place to decompress.

9- keep a note pad with you to write down any ideas you may have for a better experience at the next show, questions that you got asked that weren't on your list, etc.

10- Provide the gallery some photos. Photos are hard. Consider taking a few yourself, and providing those to the gallery for their promotions. If the concept of even taking a photo yourself is too much, say so. If you are unable to attend a show and can speak, consider making a short video of yourself talking about your work. Offer this to the gallery to show Patrons.

11- Eye Contact: It's up to you, but Patrons do like it in small bits, no staring. Here is what I do. Eye contact has always been extremely hard for me, but I can use what I have. I'm an artist! I mentally *paint* people while they talk to me. I look at their eyes, then their forehead, their hair, then their chin, nose, back to the eyes. It's my nature to focus if anything on their mouths to try to lip read what doesn't get through to my ears, but I try to move all over the face. I think in terms of colors I might use, or shadows and light. People are really quite beautiful, and I find they warm up to the attention. If they catch me, I simply tell them the truth. "I think the light on your hair is beautiful." or "I was noticing how the shadow lies against your jaw." or simply, "I was mentally painting you." They can be very flattered by this. Be ready to hand them a business card. I've gotten several commissions by accident this way.

12- Listen: The world is full of people who have never had anyone truly listen. Patrons will often ask you a question, get an answer, then they want to talk a while. This is great news for someone like me who can go mute! I can give them a listening ear. No pressure on me to talk, and I can learn things like what kind of art appeals, what about my work touched them, and what I may need to do more of next time. You can even ask them questions:  "What kind of art do you usually like?" "Have you ever tried drawing/painting?" Patrons often want a personal connection with us, and nothing makes this easier than simply listening. If there is a break in their words, nod, say, "oh," "wow," "that's interesting," etc.

      I offer a heartfelt , Thank you to my daughter, Eve Kotter who helps me keep things simple, and to the wonderful people at "Artists and Autism" They put a lot into helping me gather ideas to help us All. Their Facebook page is here. They are of immense support to many artists of all ages on the Autism Spectrum,
http://www.facebook.com/ArtistsandAutism

Lastly, here is a list of common questions I'm asked. You may want to keep them, and write your own answers down for when Patrons ask.

1-How long have you been painting? Many of us, have always. You can state your age if you like. It will be true, but they'll think it's humor, and a smile from them is good business. You can also say how long you've been painting/drawing/sculpting, etc. in this particular way. If you started a year ago, say so. They'll be impressed.)

2-What medium do you use? Oil, Acrylic, Watercolor, Ink, Clay, Fabric, etc,,
Are you self taught or did you take lessons? (It may be for some of us that it's built in.  We just do this, no lessons, no self taught, but "self taught" is clear and understandable to others.)

3-What inspires/influences you? (mom, dad, Picasso, nature, etc?)

4-What are you trying to say/communicate with this work?( Tough one for me. I'm usually communicating some technique, but some may want to communicate a feeling, a stance on an issue, love, etc.)

5-Is there a book or site on art that you'd recommend? Any that you like will do. If there are none, ask what they like.

6-Do you paint ____(fill in the blank), Many may be interested in your style of painting say, Landscapes, but would like a painting of their dog by you. Be realistic about your abilities, and be prepared to hand them a business card.

7-What would you charge for_____? Answer: "I have my price list here." Hand them a price list or a business card where they can find a price list. You might also direct them to the Gallerist who can assist with this, or the person who is assisting you.

  Remember, listening is key. If they ask about you painting their dog, then ask about their dog. I've heard many wonderful stories this way, and it's a chance to enjoy their company. Lastly, take breaks from the crowd before you think you need them. Schedule them if it helps. If you plan 10 minutes in the crowd and ten out, then stick to it. Again, don't push yourself. This is work, but it doesn't have to be mountain climbing. Be gentle with you, and that will transmit to your Patrons.
  Feel free to add to this list in the comments. You know best what works for you.
Best wishes and happy exhibits to All,

tina jones.