Some may remember that my son taught me it was o.k. to watch a trail of ants. I'd spent so much energy, like most people, being ever present, ever ready, ever busy, and he was the one that helped me be still. I'd been practicing meditation for a year before his birth, but it wasn't until he was five that I got it.
We were sitting on lawn chairs next to a tree, and I was hypervigilant as always. He was engrossed in a trail of ants, and I smiled, because I used to watch them daily as a child. There was an ant mound behind the garage, and I go see what they were up to. It was a peaceful time in often very chaotic days.
In loving, accepting and celebrating my beautiful son, I had to accept much about me, and if he relaxed by watching ants, then it was o.k. for me to relax too. I can't tell you the weight that lifted from my shoulders. He brought me home..to me.
Of interest to me is I thought I didn't have time for meditation. I had so much to do. What I found was that taking even two minutes to be still, made me more effective in the rest of the day. I got more done, and was happier and more serene doing it. I felt very selfish to take this time for me, yet I found that the more I meditated, the more I was able to care for others, and the more I was able to participate in their wants and needs. Instead of the me against the world feelings I had, I became someone who could add to the lives of others while adding to my own. Negative feelings lessened, and more and more I saw beauty everywhere, even....in me.
Meditation has been an integral part of my daily practice of self care since the age of 23. There are many forms, some involving breathing techniques, focus on one thing, emptying the mind, reading or visualizations. Sometimes meditation is done in our movements like walking, being fully present and noticing details, sometimes it's letting each thought and moment pass. Sometimes it's mantras, repeating a phrase that soothes, other times it's opening the mind to beauty. I used to teach meditation in a treatment center for alcoholism and drug abuse, and I enjoyed it greatly.
This meditation is on beauty in the ordinary, stillness and the willingness to experience wonder and awe. Meditation is much more about letting it happen than trying. You can't do it wrong. smiles. In this one, all that is required is listening. It's ok if the mind wanders, simply return gently. If you feel sleepy, it may be your mind telling you, "I need more rest." We fight to be super aware a lot of the time. This time is for you.
My Meditation on Experiencing Wonder: A Trail of Ants
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxQS4RyoWic&feature=youtu.be
tina jones
tinajonesart blog. Here, you'll find the thoughts of an artist, possibly some artwork, and most definately me.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Monday, June 20, 2011
Diagnosis: Asperger's
I was recently formally diagnosed with Asperger's, a subset of Autism. 19 years ago, when my son was diagnosed with Severe Autism, I began asking questions, and I read Temple Grandin's first book called, "Emergence. Labeled Autistic" As I read, the denial that there was nothing different about my son, that he was only like me, began to fade. I was partially right. He was like me, and by the end of the book, I knew I had many characteristics of Autism myself.
Being a parent takes 150% of whatever you've got, and when a special needs child is involved, there is little time, or I didn't make time, for me. It was hard and remains the most rewarding thing in my life. My son became one of my best friends, and often my teacher and my hope.
Last year, after surviving cancer, I had a deeper sense than ever about how quickly life can be over. We don't know how much time any of us has. There was something I felt I'd left undone both for myself and for my children or any other person that might seek help one day. I wanted them to have a precedent of someone who willingly walked through the diagnosis process even with hands shaking and heart racing. My son was only two when his began. Professional diagnosis is not for everyone. It's the path I needed to take. I needed to let my son know he was not by himself in Autism.
I began making phone calls and early this year, I found a psychologist at a local University who specialized in the diagnosis and treatment of Autism. The whole process took about four months, as part of my evaluation was part of the study of post graduate students working along side the Psychologist/Professor. I was pleased to able to take part in their education to one day help others with Autism. I met once a week for a while, then the last month or so was waiting. I'm a very patient person, and I knew inside already, so this was not a big problem for me. Any moment that I felt discouraged, I just thought about my children, and I was ok.
There were many tests, all of which were given in a helpful spirit. I was treated with respect, tenderness and thoroughness. It was difficult, challenging and some days even fun. Some days I cried, some days it took everything I had to get out of my car and walk into the clinic, but I kept the mental image of my brave son and daughter in my mind to let me know, I was not alone either.
On June 14th of this year, 2011, I went to receive their findings.
"Diagnosis: Asperger's Disorder"
For my children, my grandchildren and their grandchildren:
You are not alone, you never have been, and you never will be. Should any fear come to you, I believe in you, and you can do what you need to do. I'm always with you.
My son, my daughter and I used to take turns singing lines of a (perhaps silly) song together before he could talk. I heard my son singing a line softly, and he stopped when he realized I noticed. I sang the next line, and he continued. For the three of us, singing was our communication before conversation. We used it as a lullaby among others. They had such amazing voices! Barry and Eve, this one is for you.....You're my heroes! Thanks for comming into my life!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hchsGFGd24E
"Anything," smiles. Love, Mom (tina jones)
Being a parent takes 150% of whatever you've got, and when a special needs child is involved, there is little time, or I didn't make time, for me. It was hard and remains the most rewarding thing in my life. My son became one of my best friends, and often my teacher and my hope.
Last year, after surviving cancer, I had a deeper sense than ever about how quickly life can be over. We don't know how much time any of us has. There was something I felt I'd left undone both for myself and for my children or any other person that might seek help one day. I wanted them to have a precedent of someone who willingly walked through the diagnosis process even with hands shaking and heart racing. My son was only two when his began. Professional diagnosis is not for everyone. It's the path I needed to take. I needed to let my son know he was not by himself in Autism.
I began making phone calls and early this year, I found a psychologist at a local University who specialized in the diagnosis and treatment of Autism. The whole process took about four months, as part of my evaluation was part of the study of post graduate students working along side the Psychologist/Professor. I was pleased to able to take part in their education to one day help others with Autism. I met once a week for a while, then the last month or so was waiting. I'm a very patient person, and I knew inside already, so this was not a big problem for me. Any moment that I felt discouraged, I just thought about my children, and I was ok.
There were many tests, all of which were given in a helpful spirit. I was treated with respect, tenderness and thoroughness. It was difficult, challenging and some days even fun. Some days I cried, some days it took everything I had to get out of my car and walk into the clinic, but I kept the mental image of my brave son and daughter in my mind to let me know, I was not alone either.
On June 14th of this year, 2011, I went to receive their findings.
"Diagnosis: Asperger's Disorder"
For my children, my grandchildren and their grandchildren:
You are not alone, you never have been, and you never will be. Should any fear come to you, I believe in you, and you can do what you need to do. I'm always with you.
My son, my daughter and I used to take turns singing lines of a (perhaps silly) song together before he could talk. I heard my son singing a line softly, and he stopped when he realized I noticed. I sang the next line, and he continued. For the three of us, singing was our communication before conversation. We used it as a lullaby among others. They had such amazing voices! Barry and Eve, this one is for you.....You're my heroes! Thanks for comming into my life!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hchsGFGd24E
"Anything," smiles. Love, Mom (tina jones)
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| "First Kiss" (my grandchildren) 18x24" Oil on Canvas |
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