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Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Humor: Light Summer Snack (Creepy Alert! Nasty! Not Recommended for Sane People)

Last night I went outside to enjoy the night air which was a lot like being slapped with a hefty slice of bologna that had laid in the floor after a bloated dog licked it and walked away.

     I saw the familiar site of a small green blinking light. A few blinks, and it hesitated then a few more, and I smiled at childhood memories of catching fireflies. They are all too few now. I scurried off to get my camera wondering if I could catch that little green light against the darkness. It was still there when I returned...almost exactly there. I recorded video for a few seconds. It went up slightly, dropped slightly and blinked off and on.

 I sank heavily when it occurred to me it was trapped in a web, and the quote "What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly," circa Morticia Addams came to mind. I sighed and wondered if some spider's tummy would be blinking after consuming it's catch. There are times when the words, "Courageous" and "Foolhardy" are interchangeable, and this seemed as good a time as any. 

    I raised the flash, aimed into the blackness, waited for the tiny green light to blink, I clicked, and the flash went off. For a fraction of a second I saw what I can only describe as the ugliest arachnid I've ever had the chance to view. I'm not talking horrifying. The guy was just hard to love. 

   Not even if he were ingenuitive enough to turn the firefly around and use it as a flashlight....You couldn't even have dunked this guy in Aramis and made him pretty. No. It was that bad. Obviously, the poor bastard had been working out. He looked like a plucked Autumn Turkey but with no legs, rather 8 short, bony wing-like appendages. It labored furiously wrapping it's prey while the little light went off and on. I hoped he wasn't scared.

  I headed inside, and looked at my camera screen in confusion. What does the spider do when blinded, because the light suddenly goes off? Feel it's way around in the dark! That's what! Tormented by this firefly that keeps flicking the switch. Rude, I tell you! And you know that firefly was laughing it's glow-in-the-dark butt off! Off all the thoughtless.....That Turkey spider was  NOT going to feed himself out of thin air. I wondered if he freaked when the lighting bug wiggled. I felt so bad for him that I thought about shooting them both with bug spray just to end it all, but he was so freaking huge, one fall and he'd have taken that corner of my porch off. 

   No, I just let them be, as disappointing as it was, and I wont be posting a photo. It's still ages, before turkey season, and I don't want to get the stuffing vs.dressing people all worked up. 
mmmm Sage... :)

tina jones

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