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Friday, May 31, 2013

Multi-Dimensional Autistic

This is going to be one of those weird, "Talk about myself" blogs, so pardon my awkwardness. I'm not my favorite subject, though time was I couldn't get enough of, "Me, me, me!" It's a rather dull way to live, and I can't recommend it. You're far more interesting to me,  but for the purpose of showing expansion.....(Deep Breath)
   My being is made of various interests, and I'm different things to different people. At work, I'm a moderator for an art forum, I'm an oil portrait artist, I'm a long-practiced and ever-learning spiritualist who meditates daily for over 24 years now. I'm a blogger on various subjects, I can be right or correct, and let it go without having to prove a thing. I can be misunderstood, and be o.k. with it. I can be wrong, and I can be unsure. I'm teachable even when I'm sure of something, as I'd consider myself a fool to assume I know the final answer on anything. 
   In my family, I'm Mom and a grandmother, a daughter, an aunt and a sister.  I'm someone who's lost over 100 lbs and comes up with ideas and recipes to encourage others. I'm a woman, a Leo who's interested in Astrology, I'm a videographer with a youtube page, I'm a recovering drug addict and alcoholic of over 15 1/2 years clean and sober. I'm straight. I guess I was born that way. I have a sense of humor. I've studied as many belief systems as I've  found, and found a bit of beauty in each of them. Autism is pervasive through all of these things, but so is being a Mom or an Artist or a Leo. For that reason and others I think it odd that people would want to friend me outside of  any of the private groups I belong to. At the very least, I attempt to let others know they will find much more than what I share in any particular private group.
   For instance, I'm on a Low Carb forum, and wouldn't it be a hoot if one of them friended me thinking my entire Facebook existence was going to be about how to cook? Won't they be surprised when I talk about using coconut oil as a hair treatment, proper lighting for videos, what it's like to have Saturn in my 7th House (It rocks by the way.), how to achieve believable perspective in art, or being Autistic? I'm a very well rounded person. My primary "Special Interest" is Painting, but there is so very much to me that I can't possibly touch on here. Being Autistic is how I perceive (very thoroughly). It's who I am, but not the total of who I am. (Attempt to "cure" any of these things, and I'd be annoyed, by the way.) If you don't want to bore a person, get interested in who they are, rather than trying to change them, and that applies to everyone.

    Being Autistic is who I am. I cannot be separated from being Autistic, nor could I be separated from being an Artist or a woman. These things simply are. At the very level of my beingness I am a woman. It's not about activity, nor is being an Artist. It's how I think, perceive and am. So is being Autistic. Take any of these things away, and I would not be me.
     I'm also a blonde with spectacular "Dumb  Blonde" moments (You could dye my hair, and that will not change who I am.), and a Savant who loves chocolate and can't stand sweet potatoes. I could try to stop memorizing things that I see or hear (That doesn't work.), and practice harder at my slower processing side, but I will still be Savant. Being an Artist gets me attributed certain traits (Flake) as does being Autistic (Intelligent and detached), as does being Blonde (Dumb), a Leo (Sensual) or a Mom (Loving/practical). None of these alone total who I am, and many are subject to accuracy checks. Perhaps surprising or not, I'm not a, "Gamer Girl." (Common thought of Autistic females) I'm 47, and those things weren't invented when I was little. I'm also a cancer survivor, and with that comes certain traits that are not common to Autism, but common to cancer survivors. (I'm perhaps more health-conscious and aware of the precious minutes of life to be had/grateful) My Rahu (South Node of the Moon that amplifies whatever it comes in contact with) conjuncts my Moon is in Gemini for, "Heaven's" sake!(Boom-chicka-wah-wah! x10)

    One would be hard-pressed to pick a single trait of mine and attribute it to any particular facet of my personality to the exclusion of all others. I like rubber bands (Autistic texture fixation), but they are infinitely useful in closing things like chip bags (Mom), They can be put on a block randomly for making ink prints (Artist), I can twist one into a mobius while meditating on the Eternity Symbol (Spiritualist), and I just may sling one at you for a laugh (Playful Leo). Follow?
   All of these things get touched on in my life, my blogs, my videos and my page. Without each, I would not be who I am. Some are roles, some are inborn, and all are deeply ingrained and freely expressed. I've had friends from various private groups come to my page and nearly dominate it with (for instance) alcohol recovery. Truthfully there are similarities between carbohydrate addiction and that. There are also similarities between say, being for instance a keep to oneself Scorpio or a pragmatic Virgo and being Autistic, but they attempt to peg me, and quickly I slip through their fingers. It's not intentional. I'm just not two dimensional, and that can make people uncomfortable, not excluding ourselves.  We are going to judged by any number of our traits. All the more reason not to judge or peg ourselves. Explore, explore, explore.Who are you?

  I write this more for those new to diagnosis of Autism more than anyone. Though Autism may explain much of our characteristics, no role or  label in life can define a person totally. It can afford camaraderie and the sharing of likenesses with others, and that is an invaluable experience for so many who've felt totally alone, but for myself, this is a stepping stone to self discovery and world discovery. For myself it is part of the journey of life rather than the final answer. It's lead to more questions, more discovery and even more fun. 
  
  Ever more to learn, 
tina jones

4 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing yourself, your story, with the world. I'm an aspie - was diagnosed in 2010 at 35. My mum realized she was also an aspie and we finally lived for a year, in complete connection, really understanding each other, thanks to the diagnosis. Reading your story, you remind me of a mix between my mum and I. I only wish she'd been able to get clean and sober before it eventually killed her in the form of rare stomach cancer. She was an artist, a David Bowie impersonator, a photographer, a ghost hunter, and she was my mum. I miss her. Thank you for sharing your story. It's so nice to connect with another human (autistic or not)! :^)

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  2. thanks for sharing!-another friend of bill wilson. i recognised some of those traits like a deer in the headlights. not particularly looking for an explanation or reasons for how i am, but more of a connection of the pieces so to speak. would you have any recomendations for seeking?

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    1. Thank you, Friend for your comment. As for seeking, keep at the steps, stick close to a sponsor and trust the still small voice within. Keep it simple. smiles.

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  3. Brandy, Thanks so much for your comment and the story about your Mother. Many blessings to you. tina

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