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Sunday, May 27, 2012

Wheat Allergy Rant and LInks

It's not a matter of whether or not I want to cheat on my low carb lifestyle. It's not a matter of occasional indulgences that might make me gain a pound. It's much more serious.
"They" say I'm supposed to be smart. I seriously doubt their ability to judge such things. I decided to eat wheat "bran" only. I didn't look it up, and thought surely it wouldn't contain gluten. Wrong. It was just an experiment, as I didn't know if it's gluten or wheat itself that's causing the problem. Dumb. My stomach is just fine, so I'd not think I was having a gluten allergy. (wrenching stuff that is), however my feet and ankles look like elephant's for three days now, I'm dizzy, and I spent the better part of two days treating hives on my arms with Aloe Vera. Ears are ringing at a pitch only I and a few canines can hear. Took otc antihistamine, but I'm avoiding benadryl (I used to eat boxes of that to get a buzz when I was drinking, so it is a "last resort" thing.). Now again, how is this smart? I made myself sick. I know I should have looked it up, and I know I should have been satisfied that if I eat any grain (not just wheat, any grain in any form, except for flax. I don't know why.) bad, bad stuff happens.
    It's as if I found out I was allergic to bee stings, so I decided to only get stung by wasps! Please!
   Mad at myself, and I have the urge to spit at the next food pyramid I see. "Healthy whole grains." (Unless they bring about anaphylactic shock) grrrrrrrrr!
     Anyway, from what I'm reading this isn't a gluten sensitivity (which is not considered an allergy. Sometimes I have that with the attendant bloat, cramping, gas..ick., so it appears I have both.). This is wheat allergy.
   Fortunately, I'm not allergic to tantrums, so I plan on having one as soon as I'm done won't be much unfortunately, because stomping my feet is the last thing I want to do right now. I think I'll make up curse words. Sometimes that helps.
    I've heard rice might, might be ok, but I'm not experimenting. I'm so mad I don't care if I ever see another grain in my life. I did look up starchy vegetables, and apparently they might be ok if they are not, not, not breaded, and most sauces contain grains, possible danger if they are pickled too. I can do this, it's just irks me to no end!
   Deep breath! Moving on from my self pity episode, I'd encourage people to do differently than I did, and read some information. If you are in doubt about a food, don't eat it. Never experiment on yourself. This is far more than some discomfort or feeling down (and embarassed) for a while. This allergy can lead to congestive heart failure, and you better believe I'll be downing a Benadryl before that happens. In the worst of cases, it can mean an Emergency Room visit and Epinephrine shots.
  Why risk it when I can eat vegetables and meats?.....because I'm not as "smart" as "they" think I am. grr.
  Ok  here are some links.
  Foods that Contain Wheat:
 Wheat and Anaphylactic Shock.
   Wheat Allergy Symptoms:
   And if it's Gluten, Foods containing gluten:
   Surprising Foods that Contain Gluten:
  Gluten in Vitamins: Ask your Pharmacist to show you Gluten Free Supplements if you take them:

   Please be smarter than I am.  If you have any concerns, call your doctor. They can do tests for these, but the tests don't always reveal problems. If you get sick when you eat anything, don't eat it. Trust your body's reaction to foods more than any diet, food pyramid, etc.
tina jones

Saturday, May 26, 2012

She Too Forgets....

There is a short poem about women that's always left me sad, because it doesn't apply at all to me.
"A woman has amazing strenghts.
She can deal with stress and carry heavy burdens.
She smiles when she feels like screaming.
She sings when she feels like crying,
She cries when she's happy, and laughs when she's afraid.
Her love is unconditional. There is only one thing wrong with her..
She forgets what she's worth. "
                                          Author Unknown
  It bothers me for all of the masks and dishonesty, as if it is ok or to be applauded. No.  I read it an think about how women hide, and how we are so beautiful exactly like we are. That our true feelings have value, and need not be covered. I propose another view, that is more fitting for me, and maybe for others.

  A woman's strength is often in her ability to fall completely apart.
  She copes with stresses brought on by an amazing awareness of all that surrounds her and those she loves.
  She smiles, Only when it is true, and you need never doubt her. She screams in inhaled breaths that often make no sound.
  She sings unashamed from the heart of pure joy, and she cries with equal respect for her emotion.
  When she's afraid, it is thorough and consuming, and when she is happy likewise there is no hiding it.
    She will forget her strength when she crumbles, but let a soul frighten one she loves, and she can shake the foundation of any other.
   Her love is unconditional and sure, but her presence must be earned. There is much right with her, and she knows this in her best moments, but she too forgets.

tina jones

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

The War is Over

"Good. Use your aggressive feelings. Let the hate flow through you." This is a line spoken by Emperor Palpatine in Star Wars: Episode VI-Return of the Jedi.
   The character reminds me of myself from when I was drinking and vigilantly angry at the world, or as I put it now, "How to become exactly what you're mad about." I had a fur lined pity pot strapped to my backside, and no one understood poor me. I was right about everything, and was more than willing to show you. Big on justice, I was also willing to punish offenders. I had good intentions, and I beat them into any ear that would listen. Ofcourse I was in a state of slow decay, but I was willing to carry that cross (with what I imagined to be marquis lights on it) for the whole world, and if that doesn't sound like Hitler, you're not listening. I was outraged at humanities failings, but if you could look inside of me, you'd have seen a worse beast who thrived on my own destruction. Hate ruled me, and the one I hated most was me. I "ceased fighting anything or anyone," in total self defeat, a complete collapse of the ego, in a big way, I died, murdered by me. Freedom from my own prison came with acceptance that I did not have a single answer, that if I were to forgive myself I had to forgive others, that judgement and blame were no longer allowed, and words best left to those better equipped to handle them. I became the student, the teachable. Humilty became something to seek, and love practiced first for others, then became a love for myself as a matter of honesty. After all, how could I see something in you to be loved, if it were not in me too? The unsalvageable, the ruined, the throw-away of me, became treasure to be nurtured and loved, even....Even, the dark side of me, and that internally screaming baby of a woman, enraged at everything, and hurt more than hurt became someone who only asked for own.
  This is why there is no fight left in me. I became tired of trying to move walls that were never made for moving, and I became tired of thinking I knew where they needed to be. Such an ego! I became tired of my preconceived notions of perfection, and tired of the attitude I had of, I'll show you! I'll
   I didn't know. I just didn't know that the energy of anger and fight feeds the things I fought. I didn't know that I was adding to the problem, and I tried so hard with each day becoming harder. I didn't know I was building the very monsters I wanted to be free of.
  I am so sorry, so sorry I didn't know another way. Near 15 years, it's been now. Fifteen years of wonder, of innocence and a second chance to see, to feel, to love, and see beauty in everything as it is, including me with all of my mistakes and flaws. Sometimes it's precisely the flaws I perceive that are where beauty is found.
  Above all there is love, and many things too strong, as I was, to conquer, have melted when loved. All of the armor and anger in the world fall weak to love, as I did. I simply didn't see it coming. As unfair I thought this horrible weapon, this love, it was the only thing that saved me.
   So think nothing great of me, nor blind of me that I have not yet seen that to be vigilant about, or that I am too innocent to hate, because I know these places, and I know that in me is the capacity to be the worst or the best of humanity. I choose innocence, never ignorance, but love. The monsters I wanted to conquer with hate, have become small and some no longer exist. They left the world outside, because my insides changed. I'm still creating. I just create better things now.
   The war is over in me. The healing has far to go, and my education in compassion for others and the self is ongoing. There is a place past the anger, and it looks a lot like sweet childhood, except that it has experience and perhaps more patience.
     I don't know how long I'll get to be here, how long I'll get to create in the world whatever is inside of me, so .....Might as well dance.
tina jones

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Tina Takes the Autism Quotient Test

   I recently listened to a fellow youtube poster's videos where he'd done the Autism Quotient Test.
   Here is a link to the written test.

This test is to determine if a person feels they might like to have an evaluation done, or to self diagnose. There are many such tests.
  The fellow  youtube poster, Linus is a younger male, and he did a great job.

You can see his test video here:

  I thought it might be useful for me to do the same to offer a wider range of understanding, as I'm a 46 year old female. It was interesting to see that Linus and I had some similar answers, yet some were very different.
   I also hope this will give those who are considering taking this test an idea of what to expect, as well as offer a bridge of understanding and commonality between Autistics/ those with Asperger's and those who are not on the Spectrum. 
It might even be fun for those not on the spectrum to take the test themselves first, then listen to the answers given by Autistic people. I think this might prove beneficial toward more understanding, and they might even find they have a few quirks of their own. smiles. It's been enlightening, for instance to see what my Neurotypical daughter and I have in common, and find differences that make us more interesting to eachother. We've even found things to giggle about! Most importantly to me, this has promoted closer relationships between me, both of my children and close friends.

    Here are my two videos covering the test. (One was too long, so I split it into two segments.)
tina jones

Alert: Petition to Stop Abuse at Judge Rotenberg Center:

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Stop Abuse at the Judge Rotenberg Center!

How much would it take to get the average person to torture another human being for one year? How does $200,00 sound? No? Multiply that by 200 kids. That would get you $40 million a year. Welcome to the United States. More accurately, the Judge Rotenberg Center. Short of someone discovering oil under this building, America is not stopping it. It is too profitable. The children's well being is sold for the local economy, and likely votes. The United states has been investigated for this, and found by the United Nations to be "torturing" children. We are not in good standing. This is many nations who know what we are doing to children. Those of us who have pleaded with American officials are tired. The children are in crisis, bound, electrically skin shocked, blistered, bleeding with voltage much higher than that of police tasers. Not occasionally, likely in this moment one of them or more is being hurt repeatedly and irreparably.  Why? oh for things like self  harm. Also it's done for things like rocking, hand flapping and blowing spit bubbles with the lips as well as daydreaming more than ten seconds on an academic test. Any kind of fidgeting gets them cripplingly shocked.
    How many times a day would you get it, if you were hooked up to this? Me? Probably a hundred. I rattle change at times too, sometimes I tap my pencil on a desk, at times I take a break and just stare at my work thinking what to do next.  To remind them how easily they are controlled, they are forced to carry back packs at all times with them that carry the needed electricity to jolt them, temporarily crippling them in agony by use of remote.. Handy, huh? Massachusetts can't seem to decide that this is insidiously wrong, and the National government hasn't stepped in since they were contacted by the United Nations two years ago on this matter. America the beautiful, this is how the world sees us in all our glory. Proud? Not me. At this point I don't care who saves these children. If we can't get it done someone needs to. America has gotten too self confident that we don't have to answer for our behaviors. How long do we really think that's going to last? This isn't a problem of 200 children, their parents or even Massachusettes. This is national. As long as this establishment is in business we are all in grave danger. So whether or not you know the children or anyone in Massachusettes or New York where a large portion of these kids come from, it's effecting you. The JRC has given more than ample ammunition to anyone who has ever ahd a problem with the United States. They represent you and me regardless of whether we protest. They have a lot more than merely 200 children to damage.

 Great news! Here is an International Petition to Stop The Abuse at the Judge Rotenberg Center. Anyone can sign! There may yet be hope! As of this moment there are 78,742 signatures. They need so much more.

my video on this matter, along with links to this petition, and many other informative links!