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Tuesday, October 23, 2012

She Got Legs!

Ever feel so censored by life, people and circumstances that you want to..Oh I don't know...wear a banana on your head in protest? Who needs shame? For Pete's (Why Pete?) Sake! Being a human being is not a crime. I have both been censored and censored myself to the point that anything but being a speck of immaculate dust was unacceptable  I quit that stuff years ago. Still from time to time someone will suggest that I return to my self imposed not good-enough-ness and stow myself in a shed. Umm. Thanks, but no.

So here's the deal
(Note: I'm emphatically opposed to beginning sentences with , "So." For the purposes of silliness, however I will start a sentence any with damn thing I please.) Annoying Smiley --->       :)

So (See?)
Here's the deal.

If you'd like background music: Here's some ZZ Top      Got it? O.K. Let's move on..

Apparently, legs upset some people,


Or maybe they just stir things up. (Don't use them for cake batter, unless that's your thing.)


I've never heard of Legs " That Launched a Thousand Ships"

and I've never heard any restaurant ask,
 "Do you want Legs with that?"

It's not like they are magic.

But, to my disbelief, Legs tend to worry some people to death!
I don't what they're worried about. Most people have legs.

but I've seen sweats break over them. I mean perspiration, of course. I don't know if sweat pants are capable of breaking.
In the interest of Exposure Therapy

and calming the hell down...Ohmmmm




I thought I'd stick the "Sticks" in a blog



and take a look at the practical uses for legs.


They keep the butt from bumping the floor when walking.

If enough hair is grown on them, music can be made by rubbing the "Jams" together, sort of. You've got to have a good ear. Otherwise, I recommend leg shaving.Gillette MACH3 Disposable Razor - 14 ct. - Shaving & Hair Removal (Google Affiliate Ad)

They provide something to attach your feet to.

The "Birds" are great help with dancing, but not necessary for it.

 They help when engaging in broad-jumps. I was top in my class at age ten!
Basically, what I'm saying is,
 "Don't fear nor judge the Legs." They're not out to hurt you. Legs are very busy people, what with all of the stubble-growing and stuff, and they are probably not thinking about how to make your life difficult.


They don't  talk much, but some people seem to think they say alot. In truth, often
Legs are good listeners. You know, "The Strong, Silent Type."

Thank you, for taking time to listen to the Legs.
(and for those who didn't read a word of this. Bless your heart. ;p )

tina jones

Monday, October 22, 2012

Wild Artist!


I says to my canvas, "Canvas!" I says, and 

   My canvas says, "What's up Painter Lady?!

I says, "What say we shake the dust off 'n paint something silly that we'll paint over later, and just do a bunch wild, weird stuff, 'cause nobody's lookin' 'n we don't care anyway?!"

   My canvas says, "I don't see brushes in your hand, Wimp!" so's

I says, "Brace yourself," 'n I started in a crazed fury of turpentine, and a splash of git outta my way!"

   Then I painted.....

                                                             a pear.

Yes, a pear!
Nothing special,
No, wild and weird...
 just a pear.

When I cut loose and get crazy....Look out!
 Fruit can happen!
Hide your elderly and small children!
Coop your chickens,
 and always wear clean socks....or something.

"Anti-Climactic Pear"
12x12" Oil on Canvas
But there's more!
You see, I had a problem with figuring out a good composition. It's a square, and I usually paint on rectangles
minding The Golden Mean.  If you'd like to see how I figured this one out, check out my post at About. com's Painting Forum Here: http://forums.about.com/n/pfx/forum.aspx?tsn=1&nav=messages&webtag=ab-painting&tid=17945


Sunday, October 21, 2012

Because I Said So: 365 Meditations

  1. Sometimes with really funny people, you just have to hold them, until they're done crying.
  2. I don't love painting or spiders. It's just that they love me, so I've had to learn to live with them.
  3. I don't believe in the uni-verse. That's too complicated. I think there is a uni-note, and it's probably an A flat. I always liked A flats.
  4. I'm not sure about people, but I think they are probably real.
  5. I have brain damage because I was abused. I think it killed the spots in my mind that were for judging people, so I'm glad.
  6.  If nature had intended me to eat grains, I"m sure it would have given me five stomachs.
  7.  Things that smell funny like chemicals and preachers should probably be avoided.
  8. I would never ask a woman if I should have sex with a man. After all, I doubt any woman who'd had sex with him could offer an unbiased opinion, and there's no point in asking a woman who hadn't.
  9.   There may be worlds in ice cubes behind the foggy part.
  10. Brushing your teeth after meals is a good idea. Consider brushing them before breakfast too. Otherwise, you'll be eating morning breath.
  11. Cancer isn't mean cells. It's ones that are trying too hard, and need to rest and be let go of.
  12.  Virtues are not always useful.
  13.     Do not confuse age with wisdom.
  14.     The wisest words are, "I don't know."
  15.   Having babies hurts badly.
  16.     Be willing to learn as much as you can, and willing to dismiss it all if a blade of grass makes more sense.
  17.    Stay away from people who have learned anything, and stick close to those who are practicing.
  18.    If anyone asks you, "If all of your friends were jumping off a bridge, would you do it?!" Ask them why they are using a cliche. If they don't get it, give them pie. It's the least you can do.
  19.     Never worry about insanity, just be grateful when it finally gets there.
  20.    If he or she suggests doing something with you that makes you respond, "Oh my God! That's disgusting!" Eventually, you will say, "Do it again."
  21.     When you've run out of answers, you're close, but when you've run out of questions too, you're home.
  22.      Paintings and other things often resolve themselves to completion while I sleep.
  23.     It takes one hammer to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop.
  24.    If someone has to explain to you that they are on a certain rung of social hierarchy, they probably have low self esteem. Point out their good qualities to help them.
  25.    It doesn't matter whether or not you believe G-spots are real, but H through Z sure as hell are.
  26.   If anyone who has not been through what you are going through offers advice, they have problems bigger than you have.
  27.   On your 40th birthday, build a furniture fort.
  28.    Flashing a river boat is not nearly as intelligent as it sounds.
  29.    Plant flowers, and give them away.
  30.    The ability to do the work of three people is no excuse for it.
  31.     Do your work well, and go home.
  32.    If you receive a back rub don't ruin it by thinking about returning it.
  33.    Learn to receive.
  34.    Sex is optional. Sensuality is absolutely unavoidable, I don't recommend avoiding either. I do recommend being choosey.
  35.     Have compassion for artists if you like, but it's more important to have compassion for people who aren't.
  36.    If you see a great artwork composed of the likes of pureed cottage cheese and refuse, admire it, but do not bring it home.
  37.   Kindness and gentility are always preferable, unless it's kinder and gentler to be brutal.
  38.    Pastries in plastic will not love you, but they are fun.
  39.    Learn grammar to eloquence, but never correct another for misuse. They may come up with a better way to say it.
  40.    You will have a talent that might the best in the world. Use it without shame, and continue to try to learn what you may well be the worst at, but never take either too seriously.
  41.      One of my favorite meditations for clearing the mind is to get in the car, go the highway, set the cruise control at the proper speed limit, play music as loud as possible, roll all of the windows down, and scream.
  42.     Do not eat cabbage the night before a game of hopscotch.
  43.    If you become too adept at anything, ask a child to teach you how to do it.
  44.    Find a divine unimportance in all you do, and live your essential being.
  45.   I think if there is a God, he flatters us with gifts like bacon.
  46.    Always check the expiration dates on established norms.
  47.     Lending money ruins friendships, so give it if you have it, and don't if you don't.
  48.     If you are convinced something like tapioca is not a real food, don't make yourself  eat it.
  49.      Waiting is hard, so give people time instead, and go do your things.
  50.     Always have something soft to hold.
  51.      Ask for hugs when you need them, and be willing to give them, but never force nor expect them.
  52.    If you find anyone who has the answer, assume they are delusional, and take notes.
  53.    If you fancy the company of pigeons, bring an umbrella and galoshes.
  54.    If you seek a teacher, find one that does not know.
  55.     If you find someone talking to themself, listen, because people often keep the best stuff to themselves. 
  56.   I don't know much about anything, but I know a little about several things.
  57.    The word, "Healthy" in front of any food or activity does not make it so.
  58.     There is only one good reason to have sex: Because you want to.
  59.     Lids that don't match bowls make good picnic plates.
  60.     Try not to smoke. It makes other people very cranky, and goodness knows they are bitchy enough.
  61.     You will know a thing is healthy if you makes you feel better, and has no ill consequences.
  62.    The word, "Medicine" doesn't always make a thing something that heals.
  63.     Stay in the shower too long and use all of the hot water from time to time.
  64.    If you find a horn, blow on it, else what's the point?
  65.   Not being able to sing well is the best reason to enjoy doing it.
  66.     If you buy the newest model of car or the latest treatment, you are the clinical trial.
  67.    I'm not as old as I feel. I'm as old or as young as I dream.
  68.    I love the formaldehyde stench of a fresh canvas.
  69.     No one who says, "Goulash" will mean the same thing the next person does.
  70.     Look to comedians for wisdom, preachers for salesmanship, and cooks for good sex.
  71.     When in a new town looking for a good restaurant, follow people over 70. They know what they're doing. 
  72.     Kegels are not for wimps. Be tough.
  73.    Always be patient and understanding with highly educated people. They have been very busy, and often haven't had time to learn much.
  74.     In relationships, if you are too busy to make love, do it twice.
  75.      If there isn't enough time to get everything done, double your porch sitting time.
  76.    If it is worth doing, it's worth doing with absolute abandon.
  77.    Ask for help when you need it, and sometimes when you don't, just because people feel good when they help.
  78.    Trust a child to pick out a good dog. You probably knew how at one time. You just forgot.
  79.    Do something for someone else, just because it feels good.
  80.    If everyone is doing it, out do them.
  81.    All gourds are works of art that don't need your input through painting or carving, but they will welcome someone to play with.
  82.    I don't care if you get a tattoo or a body part pierced, but be original about it or don't bother.
  83.    Any time someone speaks to you in cliche, respond with the name of an obscure vegetable or little known Latin oozing disease.
  84.     Admire and enjoy the simplicity and serenity of black and white, then throw red on it violently.
  85.     If you meet a person who loves pastel colors, understand that they will commit to a real color when are ready.
  86.    All clothing that sparkles will itch.
  87.    If bothered by someone, try using words like, "mucous."
  88.   It's just paint.
  89.   If you see a lack of good in someone including yourself,  get an eye exam. The error is in the eyes.
  90.    You don't have to eat anything that you don't want to eat, nor anything that you want to, but I suggest you eat something.
  91.    Be gentle when combing your hair. Just because you don't feel pain when the ends break, that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
  92.   For a successful long term relationship, you must learn to tolerate a great deal of bullshit. Some of it will be theirs.
  93.    Always be respectful of people who try to give you advice. They are doing it because they are out of candy, and don't have anything else to give.
  94.     If you walk a mile in the shoes of your significant other, you will get blisters, and look funny doing so.
  95.    If there is no humor to be found in it, either now or later, it is rarely worth your time.
  96.     The epitome of courage is the willingness to be utterly vulnerable, but watch out who you do it with.
  97.     Teach your children how to treat you when you're old, by treating them in like fashion when they are young.
  98.    Cactus will reach for you when you are not looking.
  99.     Never take leaps of faith. Free-fall!
  100.      If you should inherit my paintings, use them for compost. I like tomatoes, and you'll need the room for your own work. 
  101.     Leave any situation that requires you to take medication to stay in it.
  102.     Do mindless activities often.
  103.     Never promote your beliefs, and have compassion for those who do. They don't know better.
  104.     No matter how much we learn, there will always be someone who makes a better salad than we do.
  105.       Scorpions never lie. They are who they say they are.
  106.      People will usually say who they are upfront. Always pay attention, and trust your feelings.
  107.      If you want to know who anyone is, simply listen to what they say about others.
  108.      If it can't be fixed with duct tape, try anyway and you may be stuck with it.
  109.      I suspect there is more to being, "moved" by music than emotion, so touch instruments and lean against speakers. I'm sure it cures something.
  110.      It's easy to find people to listen, but it's not easy to find one you can hear.
  111.      The secret to longevity is not dieing.
  112.       Whatever you do in each, Now is the most important thing there is.
  113.        If you are eating a marshmallow, give it your full attention. Marshmallows do not deserve less.
  114.      Make a habit of looking in the mirror and saying, "I love you," especially when you don't feel it.
  115.     Sometimes you have carry strong people for a while, until they can stand again.
  116.      Whenever you can, take a word with soft sounds and multiple syllables, and insert the word, "Fuck" in it. It'll perk up a conversation, especially with retentive people, and they need loosening up more than anyone.
  117.     The most important time to dance is when no one has asked you to.
  118.      I f you must involve yourself in politics and religion, drink a lot. If drinking is bothersome, quit all three.
  119.    Thinking we are not enough and thinking we are too much is often the same thing.
  120.    If no one is listening, open your ears. There are songs that are sung only for you.
  121.    If you see beauty, it's only because it's what you are.
  122.     Inhibitions are not very useful. I don't recommend them.
  123.       Many people are insecure, lift them.
  124.       There is no need to worry over the opinions of others. Most are very busy thinking of themselves.
  125.      Alcohol and drugs, can be useful in lowering inhibitions, if you like having inhibitions.
  126.     Dance on a table top completely sober.
  127.     If you feel bad, and realize it's been a long time since you stuck your toes in mud. That's probably the problem.
  128.    Sometimes I'm afraid I'll plagiarize myself from a past life, and not remember I said it.
  129.    Common sense is in the common of the senser.
  130.     Pray for the souls of religious people, and carry mace.
  131.     Say what you think without holding back sometimes. Be willing to get it completely wrong.
  132.      Always know that what you feel is right and valid.
  133.     If a food has an unpalatable texture, consider painting with it.
  134.    No matter how well you do something, someone will hate it.
  135.     No matter how poorly you do something, someone will love it.
  136.     Be a thing you do brilliant or poor to you, it is a matter of judgement, rather than fact.
  137.      Always respect your work without judgement.
  138.     Blowing bubbles is a lost art form. Bring it back.
  139.     Keep a few empty pens with you at all times. That way if someone asks to borrow your pen too often, you can offer these. They will become tired of you and your empty pens.
  140.    Anger can be invigorating momentarily, but it's almost always a tiring experience.
  141.    There are ten thousand greens, enjoy them all.
  142.     Mountains are long to climb,. Celebrate the ledges.
  143.     If a person seems to be stuck going in circles, join them.
  144.     Be covert with good deeds. They are more fun when they are sneaky.
  145.     It's a fungus.
  146.     If you've been sad for too long, ask the skies to let you see beauty, and when it comes, allow yourself to cry.
  147.     If you walk by a swing set without swinging, you've insulted the swing. Go back and apologize.
  148.     No amount of money will make you afraid of not having it.
  149.      Lose the fear of financial insecurity, and you'll have more than you need.
  150.     If you find a person who is very focused on money no matter their financial state, leave a penny in their path.
  151.    When light plays through leaves it's giggling with a breeze.
  152.    If fears could keep a person from harm, I'd recommend them.
  153.   My best work has been in self doubt, at other times I was assuredly wrong.
  154.    I like people who make mistakes best.
  155.     If you see a weird person who looks happy chewing on their hair, try it.
  156.   If you have an idea or dream that cannot harm another in any way, then insist to yourself that you do it.
  157.    Die daily, so that when death comes, it will be another sleep, and awaken daily amazed you get another chance.
  158.    Don't let anyone tell you to stop and smell the roses. Life will trip you when you are ready.
  159.    Roses have a way of insisting on being sniffed, so when you fall into thorns might as well enjoy it.
  160.    Anyone who will  tell you that you'll go to hell for touching yourself is usually trying to figure out a way to do it for you.
  161.    I neither like nor dislike armadillos, because I've never met one, much less all of them.
  162.    The only "sin" is to act unloving to yourself. Harming others is never an act of self love. Always ask the self forgiveness for this, and make amends immediately and often.
  163.    If you want to know something, learn it, but if you want learn something, teach it.
  164.    At the birth of your grandchildren, you might be fortunate enough to have finally learned how to be a student.
  165.    If you never grow up, don't worry about it. The world needs playmates too..
  166.    The greatest sign of maturity I have seen was the ability to stomp in mud puddles. Follow those who do.
  167.     Animals know more than people. Talk to them all you want, but if you don't listen, you won't learn much.
  168.      A magnifying glass can in fact make a person's butt look big.
  169.     In order to avoid losing consciousness from boredom in sports activities, it helps to memorize times table in your mind.
  170.    If you don't like licorice, and someone keeps giving it to you, say, "Thank you," and throw it away. A mouse somewhere in a dumpster will be happy to have it.
  171.    Even the flame of an ugly candle can soothe a spirit.
  172.    Go to the woods often, especially if you're scared, and hold on to a tree. That's what trees are for, and they need to be needed too.
  173.    Never change your sleeping habits for another person. Your body knows what it needs, and this is often the first act of dishonesty in relationships.
  174.    Be true.
  175.     Help people who are helping others.
  176.     Everything you encounter is part of you and sacred.
  177.    When possible, be silly. Someone has to do it, and most people are too lazy.
  178.     Never make religion of anyone's beliefs, especially mine.
  179.     Always remember you will know more than I do, and so will your children know more than you.
  180.     Never judge youth as folly, and be merciful with yourself when age forgets wisdom.
  181.     Camels are funny looking people, but they have the most beautiful eye lashes.
  182.    Always take the opportunity to study at the knee of a child.
  183.    Many things in life need be taken seriously, but few need be taken terminally.
  184.     When the wind tickles your hair, it's because it likes you.
  185.     You will already know the answers to your questions.
  186.    Ask your questions and the answer with match your inner knowing when it rings of freedom.
  187.      Enjoy your questions. They are more fun than answers.
  188.       When you have answer, be quick to find another question.
  189.     If someone teases you too much, they want your attention. Educate them on a better way to get it.
  190.     If you need to walk away from someone and they follow you, get a restraining order. 
  191.    At least once in life, put a banana sticker on your nose, and behave as if nothing is amiss, just to see how people react.
  192.     Enjoy people. That's why they're here.
  193.      If you meet a person who cannot be wrong, forgive this error.
  194.      Plot a way to dance daily.
  195.      Be strong, but never miss the chance to fall apart, and let someone else be strong.
  196.      When you cry, don't be a wimp about it. Let go with everything you've got, bawl, wail, lay in the floor. Feel it totally. Only then will it truly pass.
  197.      Expect happiness to the extent that you are willing to feel sorrow.
  198.     Pitted olives are best eaten after being worn on the fingertips.
  199.      If you can eat without getting a speck of food on you, you are good and tidy, but if you insist in it, you are dull.
  200.         Everyone has the right to think and say whatever they like. You have the right not to listen to it.
  201.        Burn this list. It's clutter, and you don't need it. Everything you need is within you.
  202.       You deserve the best, and life is designed to cause all other things to fail for you.
  203.    Do your best to never act under the influence of alcohol, drugs or another human being.
  204.    Should you act under the influence of alcohol, drugs or another human being replace the chickens, hold your chin up, and move on.
  205.     Always bring a towel.
  206.     If you hear a gossiping, walk away. Gossip requires a listener.
  207.     Offer gossipers a tissue, because their judgmentalism is leaking.
  208.     Say good things about people behind their back.
  209.      Carefully calculate the trajectory of spit balls, then forget it and go for it.
  210.  If it is impossible, you'll probably get it done by accident, so don't try too hard.
  211.  Never pray hard. That is rude, and  it hurts God's (the Universe, Love's, Light's) ears. Pray softly and let go.
  212.   If you don't know what to pray, just recite the alphabet.  The Universe is smarter than we are. It can figure out the words.
  213.     The Universe is not so shallow nor impotent that it needs you to believe in anything.
  214.     You are the Universe, only imagined separate.
  215.       A journey of more than 2 miles begins with a trip to the restroom.
  216. Learn to study, even if you don't need to. Someday, something is going to be hard.
  217.    If you do something different or brilliant, and people follow you, stop it and do something else.
  218.     Encourage originality in others.
  219.    If you stub your toe, hold it and love it, then move the furniture.
  220.    If you talk, walk or do anything oddly be grateful for it, and create of style of it.
  221.    Whatever you do that is strange, do it the best strange you can do.
  222.     If you aim to fit in, you will make an excellent sardine, so dream jellyfish dreams.
  223.     Accept much more than you understand on any day.
  224.      It is too hard to stop thinking about something, instead think about something else.
  225.      If you find you are being taken advantage of, you will harm the person by continuing to allow it.
  226.      Weather will occur.
  227.     If you find that your small child has put on a diaper past the appropriate age, consider that they may be playing, "Ghandi."
  228.     The only waste of a rainy day is failing to get your hair wet.
  229.      If you see someone about to do something foolish, get a good seat.
  230.     You will meet no one more worth loving than you.
  231.      If you must read newspapers, do not neglect the cartoons.
  232.      Books and smooth stones are people too. They like to be held and heard. Listen.
  233.      Breasts float. Swimsuits don't. Don't ever forget that.
  234.      If you get a chance to experience poverty personally, do it, and do it for a while, but don't stay there.
  235.     It is the utmost of responsibility that you do nothing for a while every day.
  236.       Respect the morals of others and those written in books, but find your own and be true to them.
  237.      Incessant activity is the surest sign of spiritual and emotional laziness.
  238.      If an annoying song sticks in your head, sing it to others. The laughter will clear the mind.
  239.      The only cure for fear is love. Judging our own or an other's fear as silly or surmountable through sheer will is therefore ridiculous.
  240.      It is true that all you need is Love.
  241.     Love acts. It pays the electric bills, takes out the trash, and fetches the antacids between hand holding sessions.
  242.     Right and wrong is usually as plain as simple and complicated.
  243.     If you have a very big problem, and don't know the next right thing to do, do the next simple thing.
  244.     Washing the dishes solves many problems by accident.
  245.      If you catch a child drawing on walls, do not disturb them. Upon finishing, applaud their creativity, and get them a sponge.
  246.      If you have too much to do, make a list of the items, and give yourself credit for the smallest things done, including making the list.
  247.     Burning a candle at both ends is best done with a timer, so is boiling eggs.
  248.     Cursing is audible punctuation. Use it correctly, and don't be sloppy. Too many exclamation points in one sentence can be boring.
  249.      Make up your own curse words whenever possible. Originality has more impact.
  250.     If you meet a person who is misunderstood, understand that, and walk away in hopes they will come to understand themselves.
  251.      Never give 'til it hurts. Give 'til it feels good.
  252.       Say, "No." at least once a day to keep in good practice.
  253.      Say, "Yes" at least once a day, only when it's fun to do so.
  254.     On tests write the correct answer, but in life use the right one.
  255.     Avoid the pursuit of pain, and embrace it when it comes. It is only a messenger of change.
  256.     Change is Love in action. You are Love and Change.  Resistance to who you are is the source of pain.
  257.      It's ok to be afraid.
  258.      It's ok to run away from Love, but Love, you can't help but bring it with you. It's who you are.
  259.     If at work, you step in the droppings of an animal, a politician or a preacher, do not bring those shoes in your house.
  260.     Everything we do that is not directly loving to those we care for is a means to be loving.
  261.      Treat all of your actions with respect and reverence.
  262.      No menial task is unsacred.
  263.       No profanity is unsacred.
  264.     All things are one, and cannot exist without you.
  265.     Realize and live your importance.
  266.       You are sacred.
  267.      No matter your greatness, remember the greatest have served beyond their successes, and know that's how they became successful.
  268.      Your body contains who you are like a droplet contains the skies.
  269.      Look at the bark of trees and try to decide which should live.
  270.         Learn rules and follow them, but do not neglect to break rules that have outlived their usefulness.
  271.        If it isn't just a little bit mad, then burn the damned canvas, and start over.
  272.      Loneliness is life's way of telling us we need to practice an unselfish act. Checking on a friend will heal this.
  273.     The world was fine before you got here, and it'll be ok after you're gone. Try not to make a mess, but if you do, make it a spectacular one.
  274.     If anything is always right, there will be a time when it's wrong
  275.     If anything is always wrong, there will be a time when it's right, be open to it.
  276.      Take nothing seriously and everything sacredly.
  277.       If you miss the love you had with someone, always remember at least half of what you remember was you, and still is. 
  278.       Time spent learning to wiggle the ears is never wasted.
  279.       Welcome input, and make your own decisions.
  280.        "Notan" in painting is using limited values, or to me, the art of being too timid to go all of the way. Try not to live life this way.
  281.       When you don't know what to say, you may be the very important Listener.
  282.      When an idea cannot be contained in silence, when it bubbles in you, and others won't listen, sing it or paint it so loud as to level silence.
  283.     Play air golf in front of security cameras, unless your arms are full, then only do Riverdance.
  284.     If you should stumble in your words or actions in front of others, find the humor gently in you, loving it back to center through your own smiles.
  285.       Lovers: admire their tidiness in laundry, but never accept it in sex.
  286.     Do not try to control gas, rather eat pleasantly, and lean slightly to the side and  toward the person. They will think you are interested.
  287.     Keep a score card handy with the number, 10 on it, just incase gas escapes loudly, so you can brag.
  288.     Avoid getting fly strips stuck in your hair.
  289.     The most loyal and loving of puppies will poo on the floor sometimes. Keep that in mind for people.
  290.      Ants know something. Watch them.
  291.      Be open to solutions. Sometimes Cheddar cheese does what I thought only chocolate would.
  292.    Old rocks and bits of wood make good treasures.
  293.     Never worry about being too fat or too thin. We are baskets, and sometimes we get too many apples or neglect to get enough. Ask for apples if you need them or share your surplus. You will return to balance.
  294.     Be happy today. Someday will take care of itself.
  295.      Always try to attend parties with mixed nuts. They are much more fun than ordinary people.
  296.      If you see you've made a mistake, never scorn yourself for it. That is a second mistake, rather improve.
  297.      Learn to have fun suspecting Life, God or Change is up to something sneaky and good, then play along.
  298.      The most important work you will do is your play.
  299.       You are already free.
  300.       The most important moment in any day is your stillness.
  301.       If you want to change anything, Love it, and discover the beauty in it as it is.
  302.      Fight for nothing, but Love with everything you've got.
  303.      If you see a bit of stray rice on your plate, flick it and see if you can clear the table. One point each time.
  304.      Collect something.
  305.      If you think something terrible, chances are someone has thought it or done it bigger, badder and better than you, so don't worry about it.
  306.     Philosophers are bullshitters of the highest calling.
  307.     If you find someone crying over a triviality, sit and cry with them.
  308.      One way to become what you don't want to be is to eat what you are not.
  309.     If you find someone laughing at a joke you didn't get or hear, laugh at their laughter.
  310.     Always enjoy contact happiness. If you can't find something to be happy about, borrow someone else's happiness, and be happy for them.
  311.     If you think, it's ok. It will pass.
  312.     Wrinkles are part of growing up, wear them elegantly.
  313.      Exercise that injures the body defeats it's own purpose.
  314.      You might as well dance.
  315.       See the sentience in all things, and let them breathe life into you when you're tired.
  316.       Skipping naps is not an option, unless you want to.
  317.        Why would trees make canopies if you weren't supposed to lie on the ground and view the stars through them?
  318.     Unless you're into tossing pillows and throwing rugs, try to do without them.
  319.     Breathe.
  320.     Make others laugh every chance you get.
  321.     Put your feet in brooks.
  322.     Water feels good to touch, and water feels good when it gets to touch you.
  323.      If you take a medicine that requires two other medicines to tolerate, stop it.
  324.       There is more healing in the touch of the one who loves you than in all of the pharmacies of the earth.
  325.      If  faith healer tries to lay hands on you, slap them, and tell them you were seized by the spirit.
  326.      Anything with more than five eyes is obviously drunk. Talk to it if you want, but don't expect it to listen.
  327.       Never judge a person for anything, lest you judge yourself in any way.
  328.      Even stones are worthy of your tenderness.
  329.      There is nothing that needs changing about you.
  330.       You are absolute perfection and amazing.
  331.        You are enough even when you sleep.
  332.        If you suspect someone is an angel, they probably are. Seek counseling anyway.
  333.        I'm not sure if sweet potatoes are food. Be cautious.
  334.       Though you may love all, you cannot be a friend to all, rather be a good one to a few.
  335.       Allot the precious hours in your day to those that nourish you.
  336.       You will know and do greater things than I am capable of dreaming.
  337.        Fly with your ideas, even if they fail, you will have known wings.
  338.        Never estimate yourself, your estimation will fall short.
  339.        Be.
  340.        You can absolutely trust birds to be birds, snakes to be snakes and humans to be human.
  341.         Everything is not going to be ok...It already is.
  342.       Love as if your life depended on it. It does.
  343.      Discarded chewing gum may one day prove useful, but I don't think it will make a good sidewalk.
  344.      Before you turn your nose up at any food, remember that honey is bee regurgitation.
  345.      There is no such thing as kinky or obscene between lovers.
  346.       Accept everything, but choose whether or not to live that way.
  347.       If you don't want to shower, don't. Be sure, however that you do want to smell funny.
  348.       No matter how short or tall you are, someone will think you are just right.
  349.        There is great value to being alone in the woods. Bring insect repellant. The crowds out there are rough.
  350.        If you become a parent, it is most important to put yourself in time-out daily.
  351.       It doesn't matter if you get up at 5am or stay up until 5am. You must see the sunrise now and then.
  352.       Birds sing, because you are listening, and flowers bloom in hopes you'll see.
  353.       If nature shows off too much in beauty, laugh at it.
  354.        The daily consumption of apples, dates and bananas is a far healthier way to make your teeth fall out.
  355.        If you are hungry, eat.
  356.        Avoid redundancy, unless it was really good the first time.
  357.         Be there for others, but keep care of your own serenity, else you're no use to others.
  358.       If a tornado is beating you up, get in the middle of it and meditate.
  359.        Everything seems big, until it passes.
  360.        If you are facing something very hard, go to a quiet place, surrender to the idea that you can't do it. Accept and embrace defeat, then humbly show up, and let it happen anyway.
  361.       Ego is often the only thing stopping us.
  362.       Ego is the illusion that anything depends on our self  alone. Surrender serves to help us remember we are one with all.
  363.       The stars over any part of the world could not be more pleased to see you than where you are now.
  364.        One day I wont be in this form, but I'll always be with you.
  365.        Don't remember me when I go. Remember each other.
  366.        Always do sneaky things just for the chance to see another smile.        

      
with love,
Mammatina (tina jones)
 
    
    
     


 
   


 

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Smoking Cessation Rant Humor

I don't know if I'm going to keep doing this. 
It's seriously god-awful, no matter how perky anyone gets about it, so please relax. 
That sort of thing makes me very nervous
.
   It's 32 days. I meant to write at 30, but I had things on my mind. I'm smoke free.

                                         Calm down!

I *said* that makes me nervous!  I'm not really up to "congratulations."  (Please don't!) It's more something that calls for condolences as far as feeling. I'm not really happy about it or celebratory. I've smoked most of my life, and I feel like I've lost a leg. It's painful. It sucks, and it's sorrowful. Being post cancer, I doubt it's going to be of any real physical benefit to me, but it may improve the lives of others, and I'm saving a little money.
To be clear: I love smoking, and I love smokers. There is nothing that smells better than cigarette smoke. Old ashtrays and morning-after doused campfires hold a certain air of ashy beauty to me. If you are smoker, god knows you've heard enough nagging. Enjoy if you do. I do not care. The worst that could happen to me is that I may sit entirely too close, and sniff you a lot to get some sweet memory back.

As for physical changes, I now have pink on my face. I don't think it's contagious. I don't remember ever seeing that before. My fingers are also pink. I guess that's ok, and is probably even good, but just in case, I won't be touching anyone. (That was humor. I don't generally touch people anyway.) I don't cough as much, so that's good too.

My senses are "back" to where they were when I was a kid. That's bad. I have serious food taste/smell aversions related to being Autistic (Asperger's) that smoking cloaked somewhat. I smell everything and everyone now, and I've been nauseated off and on this past month, nearly  "lost it" a few times.

I hear better too! That sucks. My tornado-like fan is no longer muffling the gearing down or the air breaks of semi-trucks from the not too distant highway. I've found if I lightly rub different parts of my ear, it makes various pitches. Hair sweeping against the ear makes several at once. I've nearly jumped out of my skin several times thinking there was a bug nearby. The "buzzing" sound was air escaping ice cubes in my glass. I am about 35 ft from my wind up kitchen timer. It's driving me nuts! I think that not smoking probably got rid of some nasal congestion that was dulling my hearing. I miss that.

About that sense of smell, I have taken more showers this month than is probably healthy for a person, and I may wear my enamel to the gums brushing my teeth, because I now smell everything I eat. Food is so incredibly gross! I have no idea how people could possibly "gain" weight quitting smoking.

Shopping trips afford me a sea of odors wafting from several restaurants, and grease that may be older than I am. I have held on to the side of my car, shaking and willing myself not to hurl in the parking lot. I can smell soured milk  stains on darling infant shirts six customers ahead in the check out lane. The smell of yeast in the baked goods section made me dizzy, and I might as well have been slapped with a Salmon as to go a foot closer to the Fresh Fish section.

       (Is "Fresh" a metaphor? I'm not sure.)

I have discovered layers of funk in my house that I had no idea were there. My refrigerator had sort of an "old cheese gone wrong" smell to it. Imagine Roquefort with teeth on it. I emptied it and used a whole can of bathroom cleaner, the serious "Bleach until your eyes fall out" kind, and now it just smells like cheese with a nice hint of lemon. My blanket smelled like, (oh gag) me, but not the me I've known for years. That's right, it smelled like "Sweaty locker room Me" at age 13, and I am here to tell you it was not pretty. There are hints of mildew here and there that I've yet to find, and I nearly knocked myself out with some body spray. It was some kind of "Kill you to death Peach" stuff.Yeah, that's going get donated. I'd chuck it down the drain, but it would stink up my sink.

  This is nasty, not smoking, and I don't know why anyone would do it on purpose and be happy about it.

   Condolences appreciated.
 (congratulations will be met with wood splints under the fingernails.)
((telling me what smoking or quitting does to a person will be met with beheading.))
(((warning me to never do it again, will be met with blank, "You have GOT to be kidding me." stares. Those particularly painful.)))
....and please TRY to keep your ice cubes quiet!

Thank You,
tina jones

Monday, October 8, 2012

My Bed is Too Tired: "The Listener"

"The Listener"
24x36 Oil on Canvas
My bed is too tired    
and my pillow is dry
My blankets are cold
and my light is weak
My face is too wet
and I cannot sleep
my stomach is broken
that's where pain weeps
Bruises, too many                                  
inside out
and I scarcely speak
if I could I'd shout
no words to say
the puzzle's not mine
I can't fix this one
there is no time
I'm by myself
and I don't mind
It's warmer here
in cold sublime
The Listener talks
and I can see
she smiles now
here with me
In red cloak
and golden rings
hands folded
softly sing
Sleep, dear one
time will pass
and hurt will end
return again
to seasons new
here or there
Life or beyond
without despair
No Vincent!
I will not give up!
Damn you
for leaving.
Stood us all up,
Then used once gone
for a story
that never ends
and grows of your
despicable end.
Shall I go?
No, not today.
 My pillow is too dry
and my blankets need me.
Tomorrow is another try
willing even
 if I must cry.
and this is strength,
 I'm told.
to crumble to hold
to one more hope
in nothing but
breath, and
the desire to
see what's next.

   (Written earlier, this was composed mid-meltdown. I didn't completely lose my words this time. They came a few at a time, simplistic, and I hope not too confusing. I'm better now. I usually write when I'm at my best, but I think sometimes it may be good for others to see that I fall apart sometimes. My painting comforts me. It is like my, "spirit" to me, as if I'm reaching to that part of me that is always ok., and knows feelings pass, and peace returns. Thanks for reading.)

tina jones