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Thursday, December 16, 2010

Authority and Autism

My son was diagnosed with severe Autism at age three. He's 21 now, and years of study along with my now 26 year old daughter, have revealed that family members often have characteristics of Austism. I have many.  
    One of them is the lack of recognition of Authority Figures. Far from the struggle against authority, I have trouble identifying authority. Where they are widely accepted as authority, as in the case of judges, (I've had to learn these things. because they are not readily apparent to me.) I do see the responsibility they have, the relative power they have, the rules they must work within, but mostly I see a fellow human being. If I am one not to break rules that fall under their jurisdiction, and I don't, then there is no need for any  authority they may possess. The same would go for my supposed *authority-ship* on certain areas of art technique. If such a person is not interested in art in any fashion, they do not land in any need of, nor are they impressed by, my knowledge. This renders the *authority* of either of us a mute point. I've a friend who is a judge, and for whatever reason, this amuses him to no end. People are interesting.
   I cannot go along with Authority (often authority is mass accepted social standards rather than a person.) simply because it is named so, any more than I'd eat a chair simply because it was named, "Apple." I need to see logic. If what they are doing makes no logical sense to me. I simply cannot follow. Things like practicality and honesty are forefront in my mind, and other routes of living adhering to hierarchies or social constructs for the sake of having one have no weight to me. If a fashion authority says I should put feathers on my head, chances are I'll be curious as to their willingness and need to share that opinion, but I'll give it no greater weight than a mild curiosity to an insignificant annoyance.
   Perhaps because of my literalistic, pragmatic thought process or maybe because of intense study in various areas, I've been put in positions of the authority. This is a most curious predicament. I see no more reason that people should follow me, than I would see reason for me to follow them. If it does not work for them, in fact I'd deem it ridiculous.
   I don't regard myself as a Leader, rather a Watcher. I hold no position within the social group of leaders and followers. One of my biggest stumbling blocks to add to the problem is that I have a hard time understanding the social need for "authority" in myself or others, inasmuch as most people seem to self discipline. I, do however see clearly that there are those who respond beautifully to authority, and in the abscence of it, are not people I'd want to be around.  I get put in charge at times for whatever reason, and I'm not really one to ask people to follow, having never done it myself. The hierarchies make no sense to me. People have minds and hearts. I want them to use them.
   I do understand rules though, and I like them. They make the world make sense to me. They give organization to what otherwise appears chaotic to me. I believe that most would adhere if loosely to most common sense rules. If speed limits were eliminated, I doubt everyone would be driving twice the now recommended speed. Sure a few would, but most are rather considerate of the world around them and the relative safety of others. For those few, I can understand rules. For me, they are the stuff of kindergarten understanding, and obvious beyond obvious.
   Being pragmatic, or of the mind that what works is always what's best, there is a time to break the rules....when they don't work, and that of necessity must be decided by the individual and circumstance by circumstance.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Boredom: The Cure

Beating Boredom: Losing the unsexy of it all.

I'm sure you've read them, the posts that say, "I'm bored" followed by "Talk to me," "Do something sexual with me," or my personal favorite (not) "Join me (in my boredom) on Yahoo messenger! (because I maxed out my credit card talking to Ms. Strips Alot, and they won't let me on that site anymore, so I thought maybe you could do a cam jiggle for me there as this site doesn't let me see naked people when I Instant Message.)
 We have a problem....tempting as that may sound to the author, boredom does not move me, does not turn me on, and doesn't make me want to do strange things with anyone. Go figure. It may well be tickling the perverbial fancies of the masses, but I like to think they are more interesting than that. I could be wrong. Boredom may well be decadently sexy to someone out there.
  I'm not without empathy. Many, many years ago I too was bored. I had some very mean (meaning honest) friends who were willing to tell me the truth at the possible expense of hurting my feelings. (I'm still pretty sure they enjoyed the pain part.) They said, "The truth will set you free. It's apt to piss you off first, but it will set you free." Fine. I didn't like them very much anyway, despite their questionable fonts of occasional wisdom. I listened.
   They told me, "If you are bored, it's because you are boring." Yea, that helped. (sarcasm)
  Eventually, after I got over wanting to smack them it actually did help, and a plus I didn't realize at the time was that my annoyance at them was infact not, "boredom." I'd already been set free, but not pleasantly. I was ready to hear more.
  They went on to explain that my boredom lay in the fact that I did not find myself interesting. I had to admit that was true. I was always looking for someone or something to entertain me. When I could find nothing, I was bored out of my mind. They told me, "If you want to get un-bored, do something un-boring (interesting) to you."
  I did. I do, and I'm no longer bored, nor do I bore myself. My interests aren't important here, but I can toss out that I found books that were interesting, I threw myself into my art more, I began to write more, check up on people I cared about more (instead of asking what others could do for me/thought about me). I learned new things and became self entertaining....Before I knew it, other interesting people were talking to me about ideas that were interesting to me! For others it's golf, chess, current events, music listening/playing, learning a new instrument, singing, skating, doing the chicken dance..etc. etc..
   Whatever interests you is going to be interesting to someone (though not everyone) else. 
   I don't care if sex is your schtick/preferred hobby. Get into it! Read Master's and Johnson or the Kama Sutra. Look up silly sex jokes on the net. Try creative shaving for all I care!....Whatever works, works! Get interesting about it. Once you are interesting, bring that to your conversations, to your chatter, and someone out there will respond. Scarey sure, but true.
   Interest and boredom cannot coexist.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

To Leonardo With Love

 I tire of being only wanted for my brains and glazing techniques. hehe! There is more to me than just your average perspective drawing maniac, more than a geometrical mind that can assemble and disassemble three dimentional objects on a two dimensional surface. Dare I say, there is more to me than someone who's life long desire is a single confrontation with Leonardo in paint? I fully intend to return in a future life at the same time as our Don DaVinci and wrestle the old codger to the ground. I say he needs his back dirtying!
  Seriously, I love the guy. I just get a little passionate about it sometimes. grins!
("Who Wants Breakfast?" a smiling Jesus...I may paint myself as a laughing Buddah next. hehe.)
  On the levels of atoms and subatomic particles, nothing is new on the planet. What was here, is now and always will be. Therefore there is nothing of Leonardo DaVinci or any other human that does not exist now. We, the artists of today are made of the same stuff. Even the water that flowed through his rivers and veins flow through mine and yours. Given that we are of the same substance, I see no reason we should aspire to the Old Masters. Rather take our places beside them and grow. Let them be our brothers, learn from them and begin.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

The Artist's Mind

On matters of the curious, I don't find there to be much difference between the state or workings of my mind from painting, to playing strategy based video games, to enjoying sex...
All are sensual and exactingly rhythmic.
Which brings me to the others.
I pity some. I watch them..I don't know how.....
How on earth do people not paint?
Is there a technique to it?
What possible benefit can there be to their curious ways?
Mysterious sorts those...
a bit twisted I think, but such is the mind of eccentrics. hehe!
(work in progress)