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Thursday, December 27, 2012

A Property Tax Disability Story

I have an experience with property taxes in the U.S. for disabled people (I am.) I bought my place three years ago. My disability is Social Anxiety Disorder. That means I'm not always capable of being in public. It's also Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and I've been disabled since 1996. I've had a lot of adventures and sometimes I think more work and stress to keep things in order being disabled than I did when working. This  one turned out well, but it was a long, hard struggle.
   (Here in Kentucky, U.S. If a person is Disabled, they can fill out forms and not have to pay property taxes if their property is under a certain dollar amount. Please check with your individual state for what may apply to you. I was not aware of this when I purchased my place.)

   *Year 1: This was a partial year, and I had a reserve and paid the taxes I owed for that year upon purchase, no problem.

   *Year 2: I found out that, because I'm disabled, if my property was under a certain value, and it is, I would not have to pay taxes. All I had to do was bring proof to the Property Valuation Office. I went there, brought proof, and they confirmed, and I filled out papers. I did that in November after receiving my tax bill.

    * Year 3. I received notice that I was in default on my taxes. Thinking it was a mistake, I took my proof back to that office. They told me that the papers I'd filled out during year 2 were for year 3, and I owed for year 2.  (Disabled people here don't have to pay property taxes, but because I failed to know and fill out paper work during year 1, I had to pay them for year 2.) I spent last year scraping as much as I could every month to pay property taxes, in person at the County Clerk's office, then take proof to the Courthouse every month, and I got them paid 2 months before my home would have been lost for taxes. Whew! I made it! Yeah! I also at that time made sure to fill out the necessary papers in that November to make sure I wouldn't have to pay them again this year 2012.

* Preparing for Year 4: This November, I didn't receive a tax bill. I panicked. In fear I was going to have to go through paying it again little by little in 2013, I went down to the Property Valuation Office today, and I also had to bring my "Paid in Full" receipt to the Courthouse. (I had put these off in fear. Many days thinking about this, I couldn't even leave my house. The anxiety was overwhelming.) This time, however I got a wonderful surprise!  They said that they did away with asking disabled people to keep coming in (I had wondered about people that couldn't.), bringing proof and filling out the necessary papers, stating they didn't even mail out bills. I broke down and cried.! After that, I had to bring my Paid in Full Receipt to the Court House, and I continued crying through that. I couldn't stop. The poor woman who set up the payment plan was so nice. Twice before I left, she asked me to come back in just to visit sometimes! ("They like me! They really like me!" Sally Field) Unreal! It's not my idea of a good social time, but if I see her out somewhere, I'll certainly say, "Hello."
Breathing a sigh of relief, sitting home in my little happy place and sipping what may be the best cup of coffee I've had in ages,

tina jones

Monday, December 17, 2012

Marriage and Sex: Some of My Mistakes and Growth

Asperger's has put a slant on my relationships that aren't always apparent upfront. 

  While I could probably compose volumes based on the fortune of having made a treasure trove of mistakes and hopefully learned from them, I can only touch the proverbial, "Tip of the Iceberg" here. 

   So many of us struggle, and like anyone, many of us want relationships. Getting in them has never been a problem for me. Women usually do something crafty like not running, and someone finds you. It's terribly uncomplicated. I toss in a little mixing it up by flatly denying several, before deciding on one. Other times, I set about hunting rather than waiting to be netted. Whatever works, and one time one way has been best. Another time another has, so the concept of "When you're not looking," can be good or bad depending on if you want a relationship or if you're looking for some time alone. As for partners, I do have some qualifications, but that's not the point here. I want to stay general with this. The best I know to do is tell you some of my mistakes in hopes that they might be useful in avoiding some for yourself and your significant other. At least if you go through them, you might know you're not alone.

    I, probably  like many females with Asperger's, can at first appear to be someone's dream or an answer to a prayer. Nt males write songs about wanting "Honesty" (Billy Joel), and I can't remember one that didn't crush on a bratty at times people-pleaser (I dream of Jeannie). They also say they want a woman to take the lead sometimes (Margaret Thatcher?) and a strong one that can be independent, and a woman who will say exactly what she wants...Sound like you? Me too. All of those things describe me, but I am no "Jackpot." Every last one of these benign attributes taken to extreme (Is there another way?) can wear him out.....and leave us empty and resentful.  

    My Mistakes:

     Honesty for me has also meant a lack of flirting that they loved, needed, and I didn't know. Further, if discussed  I'd say it was indirect (dishonest) and silly, in effect calling them, "Silly." Not a turn on, Ladies.
     Nearly always taking the lead made me the pursuer, and they never had to/got to try.  (I was crossing sexual borders..becoming more masculine, and it left him emotionally impotent and hurt, and I didn't know.)
     People pleasing has at times meant self-sacrificing to the point of being untrue to myself/not taking care of myself. Read: I hurt me, and there is no more effective way to hurt a man than to hurt the woman he loves.
      Being perpetually independent has at times been read as, "I don't need you." I can't think of a more hurtful message to send to a person, and though I didn't know, I sure did it.
      I also tried to, "fix" them. I'm good at putting things together, but the "helping him or fixing his problem" I was trying to do out of love was received as, "You are not enough." No one ever wants to hear that. Who does not want to be loved and accepted exactly as they are?
        I was, without intent or knowing, heartbreakingly emasculating to the person I loved and wanted. 

      At the end, it did surface that he had a few large problems, but he's not here to discuss them. I can only speak of me. He did say, "I have been an excellent provider, but I wasn't much of a husband." That's true in some ways, but I was short on what makes a good wife too.

    It wasn't until the final years that I learned that being a  "Provider" and being at work was the only place I'd left for him to feel like a man, beside me or at times even above a bit. Why not? I did. At home I took care of everything. I did the repairs or arranged them, I fixed anything that I thought was broken. I "ran the show." I even helped him create presentations, and talked to his family and sometimes a friend on his behalf when he asked and when he didn't. (Ouch! I stepped on my own toes.) 
     Honest to the enth degree, yet show me the script, and I could bring down the curtain. I could reverse it all on a dime and pull off a submissive act that Shakespear would have cried trying to write. In every possible way I knew, several that a few girlfriends knew, any that the Kama Sutra had to offer, and a barrage of things Kinsey knew, I was actively, even when passively, pursuing the man

    In retrospect, I probably scared him to death at least for his wife's sanity. What I thought was loving and caring was stepping more and more into control, and I had not a clue. To my credit, I did tell him it would never be boring. I did hold up to that. Shaking my head, moving on...

            Staying at work was the only way I'd left him to keep his dignity. 

  Talking Sexy: new beginnings

      Like most of us, I knew what to say, and had gotten past any idea that he should know what to do and where sexually, but I had no idea that for him, sex started with how I treated him all day long just like it does with women.
     In the last few years, me then in my early forties, I learned to say some of the sexiest things a man can hear:
           "Thank you."
            "I'm so proud of you," 
            "I like the way you...," 
            "That was a great idea you had!"
              and every once in a while, "How did I get so lucky?" 

       What was so amazing was the more I complimented, the more I noticed, and the more I took time to see how hard he was trying, the more I saw him as a capable, strong, attractive and amazing human being. That's not all. The more I did these things, the more I liked me.

    ..Again, he had his own problems, and me working on mine didn't fix them, but it helped me to stop harming him, gave him a little dignity back, and made me a more whole, more loving person, and it made me someone with more compassion, because I was able to tell him I needed to to hear those things too, so I understood, I just thought he should know I was proud of him, that his accomplishments were obvious...just like sometimes men say women should know they are loved when he's gone all day. No on both accounts.

   I, who had no social qualms about saying anything and rarely got embarrassed, did not know that he needed to hear,
         "You are my hero."

    So many are saying, "If you want a Queen, treat her like one." It goes both ways, and I'm not talking about sandwiches or sexual acrobatics. I'm talking about the really hard stuff: Unconditional Love and Acceptance. If you want it, the best most effective way to start is to give it. (That goes both ways to, but the good news is, it doesn't matter who starts it, as long as someone does.)
    I had to let some things go undone, let him do more and more for me, and even (gasp!) let him do it his way even if it seemed "wrong" to me. Sometimes they come up with better ideas too. It's o.k. if things aren't "perfect," and it's o.k. to not always have it all sorted or have any answers. It's o.k. to even see him screw up everything and forgive, because it's even easier to forgive myself when I do it too.
    Relationships won't all work, but I think they're worth it, and in the moment, maybe we can not only give, but grow enough to be humble enough to learn to receive too. 
    I'm there too, and I'll make more mistakes. I'm sure of it, maybe they'll be even better ones. smiles. For now, I'm resting, reflecting, and taking a little time to grow, staying strong, but being perhaps a little more vulnerable, and letting someone else have the spotlight now and then. I'm only 47 though, so I'm still new at this. smiles.

 Never stop dreaming.
  with love, 
tina jones

P.S. If you have a little time, do check out my Youtube Channel: HERE

Thursday, December 13, 2012

12-12-12 Some END of the WORLD FUN! :)

   Did anyone else notice we didn't die?

   Maybe it's just me. We made it past the "end of the world" thing....again! (cough) It turns out the Mayans were wrong, or were they? What if they were not marking the end of time, but the end of an age? A time period of 26,000 years with each of the 12 zodiac signs (tribes, gates, apostles or any number of other 12 thingies like months and a load of stuff that came before the you know what of when....I really loathe history! sorry)  marking 2,000 years has ended. The last 2,000 was known as, "The Age of Pisces." What's next? I know, this sounds corny, "The Age of Aquarius."

    Will we find and move back to Atlantis? Doubtful, but fun idea! No. I don't think so. Besides, I can't swim worth a sh**! 

    What is supposed to be happening is that a 2,000 year cycle has ended. Pisceans, don't get all knotted up! You've had turns before and you will again. (Pisceans are sensitive.) Anyway, time got demarcated at some point long before every religion I know of into sections of 12, based on what could be seen in the sky. Star patterns got named (Present zodiac signs), and people in the northern hemisphere knew to plant crops in not, "the spring" but when the stars in the formation called, "Aries" was  falling directly behind the sun. Which of course is Spring.

   I'm just trying to find a good spot for this link. Pardon me...ok. You can read some more if you like. ;p

   For the past 2,000 years Pisces has been in that eastern night sky just before the sun rose..It's a'changing! Aquarius is moving into that spot. Another 2,000, and we go into the, "Age of Capricorn, " and so forth back through the signs, and "The wheels on the bus go round and round..." so the song says.
   Each new, "Age" portends a new way of life. Pisces has been near bottom of the, "Wheel of Life." It includes, "The Dark Ages," (Not just the time of a few hundred years we're familiar with, but the whole, "Kill you if you don't believe like I do, loss of humanity's awareness of anything sacred but the people burning your texts and making you whatever their beliefs are in that particular, "Age of Pisces." was harsh, but we made it! Hang tough. They didn't eat you! Woohoo?! Ok. we have a mess to clean up for sure, but we can do this! The Wheel is turning upward again. To Christians this might be the Christ's rising from his decent into Hell, and now is ascending to Heaven....(Hoping we're all on the same page now, Please?)
  Ok back to the Wheel, what comes around goes around. To those used to a Patriarchal society, it may surprise to hear this isn't about getting even, it's not about conquering anything or anyone either, in fact war has nothing to do with it..
  I can  hear it now, "Oh God! Hippie Freaks!" Umm..Thanks, but not that either, although it sounds like a great party! We don't have time for that right now.
   I'm talking about engaging our brains and hearts..."Balance." We are man and woman, Our weakness in relying on only half of that equation is showing sorely, and it's time to heal it. This is the marriage, the homecoming. In some terms, "On earth as it is in Heaven."

   Ready? This is the post apocalyptic, here, today, now, the jig is up!

What a jaunt! I've decided I want to go again. It was touch and go for a while, but it's been a fantastic ride! Who doesn't love the Dark Ages?! We had whips, chains, Inquisitions and Crusades and Bears, oh my!...

     But there's more! Yes! The Wheel, she's spun and heading silver...ok..I'll talk plain. They Mayan calendar along with some Egyptian stuff, and Vedic stuff indicating a certain time period just ended..It is now The Beginning of Time...not all time, but another time. (We do this daily too.) It's just another wake up. We're here. We made it through the night. No big deal.....unless you make it one.

    What will we make of it? That's up to each of us, and "Silver?" She's the moon, the air and spirit, the controller of waters. This is Aquarius of song and the sleep of Pisces and Patriarchy finally (yes, I was worn out too.) into balance of male and female called, "Matriarchy." This is not women controlling men. It's partnership, unity, the time of peace, and in the silver age to come, we are supposed to use our intelligence to reach high consciousness.

     Will we? Are there yet Teslas and new pyramids in our futures? Can we move through to a golden age of oneness where each went beyond the mind into serenity? "Will we?"...I don't know, but I'm still selfish enough to go ahead without you if need be into the blissful, if confusing wonderland of, "what a mess we've left to clean up!" The Wheel has crossed "rock bottom." We rise.

   Now that I've established I can go full on KPAX any time I want to, let's get real. A change is occurring  because we as humans have had enough of our own abuses and lies.

     This ain't about your, "Big Girl Panties." This is real, so bring your boots! We're going to effect this change, and we've already begun. We're doing it in practical ways by going outside and going out of our way to pick up a little trash now and then. We're taking time out to smile at someone else, hold a door for someone struggling, offering to help, doing things with no expectation, nor idea of anything return. Refusing to point fingers at anyone else and actively searching for ways to make this word and this life the beauty she is. We are the hope we long for, now aware of the Divinity that is our birthright, built in as much of DNA of time. We belong to each other, to the planet and the stars. We are indivisible, one, and now we are remembering.
      It's love thing. Enjoy the journey!

tina jones