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Friday, April 5, 2013

With Love, from a Recovering Addict, Alcoholic

Thank you, beautiful anonymous person who just might have saved my life last week, and I didn't know I needed it. I got to spend time with someone so deep in addiction that, like I used to, they believed their own fantasies. In bitterness, terror and loneliness that only another addict knows, you took me back over 15 1/2 yrs, and I got to sit across a table from me, and hold my own hand while your face tried so hard, so bravely to hide pain behind a forced smile. 
Thank you. 
My heart breaks for those still out there. One, ten thousand pound foot in front of the other for all of these years. I can't go down with you, but I will...I will be here when you're ready to climb out. Thank you for reminding me where I come from.  Never alone, and like I was, though you've been told, you don't know it, really know it yet, and intelligence won't get you there. Reach and see, once you've nothing left to lose. I know it's dark, but I promise there is a dawn. An in the coming weeks or year when (Hyde only sleeps in me.) I think about using, I'll think of you, and just maybe I'll get another 24 hours to live in freedom, another chance to laugh, or cry, to love, to see my children, to dance...Thank you for saving my life when that moment comes. They call it, "Insanity," and how right they are, while we call it, "Logic or Reason" to the best of chemically altered thinking. I pray your hopeless, helpless moment comes soon, that it may end, and I pray a moment of clarity when none of my words will matter, and the most powerful ones ever uttered will come from you, "O.k." With love from the other side.
 Anonymous me.
  "..and I've heard myself cry, "Never Again!" broken down in agony just trying to find a friend." Pink

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