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Tuesday, July 2, 2013


Summer is upon us, and it's attendant invitations to heatwave activities.

   Among the festivities are fishing, biking, swimming, hiking and any number of things that will get you a sunburn medal. Folks wear them proudly in these parts with many sporting the untanned marks of up to five different types of shirt straps on their shoulders. I love Kentucky with a passion that only the mother of a spotted skunk with pink-eye could love her young, but some things escape my understanding.

 I have a serious question about motorcycles, specifically, what social purpose do they serve?

    I yarned on with a few friends, as I do yearly, about motorcycles, and I did go for humor, but I'm seriously scared of being on them. I'm scared of tangling my hair. I'm scared of my eyes being beaten with windburn, eating any number of insects, small birds and leaping amphibians. I'm scared of falling off, wrecking, scared of other drivers, losing a kneecap on a turn, for the love of god! I could break a fingernail! :)...Mostly, I'm scared of me turning into an instant and persistent, screaming bobcat and clawing on to an unsuspecting driver for dear life. You know..."romance." <cough>
   That much I understand, because it's about myself.

What I don't understand is, what possible reason could there be for a man to want to do that? (Seriously, other than masochism)

   I can understand the concept of him seeing the countryside, feeling of freedom, even playing. I can even stretch my mind enough to understand that some females like that. I know most people aren't like me. I'm good with that part.

      What I don't get is why would a man do that *with* a female even if she loved it?

   He can't see her, talk to her or touch her. Now, I could be wrong, but to my experience very often men seem to like doing those things. Maybe times have changed. Then there's the valor award. By the time it's over, no matter what I might have  looked like before I got on that's going to be rough afterward. Other women may get stunning on a bike. I do not, and I sweat like three men. (Note to self: Pick up keg of deodorant.) It's got to be at the very least anticlimactic for the man. To me, it sounds like a brave and self-sacrificing attempt to entertain on his part.

   J.Q. Citizen psyching himself up for a bike ride with me: "She's going to look scarier than Freddie Krueger, and smell like asphalt after this ride, but maybe one day, I'll get a steak and a cookie out of it, maybe a balloon. Take one for the team, and buck up man!"

    I came up with one possible benefit for him.

   Road spooning! That must be the attraction to having a female on the back of a motorcycle! Maybe it's just they want to be held? Those cuddle bunnies! <3 (Sure, they're being held by a crazed Medusa, but a snuggle is a snuggle.....maybe.) If I'm right, then why not just ask? Why not try to sit on my lap on a sofa? Yes, that's kind of extreme (Don't think it hasn't been done!), but why does it have to be spooning at 55mph?
   Otherwise, seriously, what is the man getting out of this?

   No, I say they are attempting a favor. Perhaps it's instinct or some kind of chivalry. The horses are in shining chrome, and our brave knights are in do-rags and leather, but nothing much has changed...
   I guess I should stock up on balloons.

tina jones


  1. I think the real draw is the thrill. Just you and a hunk of rubber and metal. I'd like to have an ultra light air craft for similar reasons. it's as close to flying as a human can get.

  2. So I'm driving across the country reading this and can I get back to you after I give this Some thought.?