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Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Relationships: For Entertainment Purposes Only! (Humor)

Yeah...I know the right things to say. Yuk!

  •   I'm ok, and I'll be o.k. even if I don't always feel it.
  •   It's o.k. to cry. It's o.k. to be happy.
  •   I need to build my self esteem back up, before even thinking of trying to date again.
  •   I probably should commit to another year of celibacy to further search my soul and grow. How many of those years have I done in this adulthood? No, no. No sense counting. It's just depressing.
  •   Focus on the positive: Bacon and chocolate are nice. (Tapping my fingers on my desk)
  •   You'd think one year would have gotten me quite "grown" enough, but I guess not.
  •    Still, It's probably a good idea, or maybe nine months. I'm not going to live forever after all. A weekend?
  •    If you wait for yourself to be perfect, well, nothing is ever going to happen.
  •    Surely, my person picker must be broken permanently. Obviously, nothing in the way of relationships I've ever chosen has lasted.
  •    I am and can be happy on my own. 
  •    I'm strong even though I don't remember ever feeling that way.
  •    It is perfectly fine to live outside of a relationship, and it can be a life choice.
  •    I'd be o.k. to grow old and eventually die happy all by myself, until death do I part. :)
  •    Being alone does not mean being lonely, in fact I've been lonelier in relationships than I've been out of them.
  •    I'm not good at relationships. Darned if I can figure why, but a quick glance at my life is the proof of it.
  •    I may choose poorly, and I may be a poor choice. Why put anyone through what I'd need to grow through to be ready anyway? I've not met a person I'd feel deserved that kind of torture.
  •    I could certainly have more to offer. Maybe I should do more paintings first, lose a few pounds or do I need to gain?...I'd better weigh and see.
  •    Maybe I should get my hair trimmed first. No man deserves to have to put up with uneven hair ends, right?
  •    I should probably get more books and read them too, so I can be more interesting. (Banging my forehead on the keyboard)

   I probably wont be getting anything filed, waxed, botoxed or stapled into place though. It's a big day if I shave my legs. 
  Well!!! There you have it! I'm off the hook! :) I'm meant to stay single! I'm just too difficult! :) That is surely too much for anyone to have to tolerate. Yeah, that's probably not going to stand long as a wall, is it? sighs.
   O.k. so what's next?

  •    I really dislike the entire process. Forget it, give up (I did that years ago), then something  happens when you're not  looking, right? (a restraining order usually takes care of those chance happenings.).
  •    I guess I could actively look for someone. "It always happens when you're not looking:" By that logic, that would mean I'd be guaranteed not  to find anyone, and (praying) not be found by anyone either. Oh this is gold....I simply must write this down! (I am typing.)
  •   I did it, the thing. I got taller, got married, had children, got divorced three times, got middle aged, got tired.
  •   Aren't I done?
  •   What more point is there to this? Love? Hahahaha!
  •    Can't  I love my children and friends? A puppy! I can love puppies! (They leave surprises in the floor.)
  •   Sex? Uhuh. Please...That doesn't require relationships, and if we don't know that by now, we probably aren't old enough to be reading this blog. Besides there's a lot to be said for, "Self care." (ugh...I wont say it though. Maybe next time..o.k. probably.)
  •   Someone to keep you warm at night? I'm menopausal. I can heat up a radius of two city blocks by myself. Thank you.
  •    Someone to take care of? That's why I have paintbrushes, besides I do good to take care of myself.
  •    Why the draw? The biological time clock ran out. I'm a grandmother. It's over. I'm doing ok on my own, (Whistling in the dark) and I've driven that point into the ground off and on since I was 27. I've nothing left to prove.
  •    In all of my relationships, I was for the largest period of time alone. This isn't new, so what's the attraction? Solitude is a beautiful thing!
  •    It's not biological, physical, or emotional. Unless I've gone, "mental" I don't think that is going to apply either.
  •    What in the name of All That Is could be the point of this nagging pull? (It's not like the continuation of the species is going to depend on some grandmother getting her groove on with some gramps.)

    Annoying as hell, it is!

  •   "Don't analyze it." I'm told, then "Make a list of what you'd like in a relationship." I wish they'd make up their minds. (I'm pretty sure they're screwing with me.)
  •   I made my list and it had things like, "Someone who doesn't bug me." I crossed out the entire list, and decided that must be God I was describing, but I can't say He (She, It, They, Whatever!) doesn't get on my nerves now and then either.
  •   "Maybe you need to lower your standards," they say. (Do I have to post one of many photos of single men's homes with Christmas wrapping paper over their windows or insert a "scratch and sniff" patch of rancid cologne here?)
  •  "Well,, Maybe you should raise your standards!" Let's take a look at the historic checklist again: Doctor, Judge, Indian Chief, Meditation Wizard......ok, so it went something like that. No, unless I go for Disney Characters (Don't think I haven't checked out Darth Vader.) I'm out of options/patience/headache medicine.
  •  "Do you think you're too good for...?" Well, not generally, but if they keep the bodies in the freezer, yes. Yes, I'm "too good" for that.
  •  "What you need is....." There is nothing that follows that subject that I haven't had. (Don't go there!) No sense in redundancies.
  • "Maybe if you had dated more" I did all I could, it makes me tired. I just never got into it. It's nerve wrecking, and causes indigestion.
  •   What am I supposed to do with a man? (Watch it!) Seriously, you feed them, entertain them, wonder why they are still here, then what?
  •  "If you'd just put some makeup on..." Really, I do know enough to know that men are not particularly moved by bronzers.
  •  You wouldn't get trolls if you'd just stop: Wearing parkas and turtle necks! It's the glasses! You're too smart! Learn more! It's the legs, so cover them up. Those damned jeans are turning them on! It's your body, you smile too much, you never smile, stop looking at them, you've got to make more eye contact! .. (0____0)

tina jones
(Hope you got a giggle! ;)
"Rock and Roll, Color Wars, I can't take it anymore!" Billy Joel

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