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Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Autism and Lieing

I can. I'm simply not good at it. I tried it twice a child (Guess where I learned it.), and failed miserably. I'm just not that good at mimicking nt behaviors. Best to leave deception to those better talented in that area, I think. Yes, I just said that they lie, and they're good at it. They say it too, then do it again, and get in more trouble, forget what they said, pay for it dearly, suffer, and do it yet again. It's sad to watch.  It's not logical to make up something I'd have to try to remember later to cover for it. I'm far too lazy to keep up with that kind of back tracking.  It goes against my personal beliefs as well.
     A big reason I don't lie is that I have no need to impress others in order to fit in socially, as it's sticky superficial stuff, and it's my understanding seeing it this way is an Autistic trait. I can keep my mouth closed rather than point out a truth, but I have a revulsion to lieing and being lied to. Once I find out a person lies, be it for convenience, to look good, or whatever,  I no longer trust anything they say, and see them as someone who is merely making mouth noises, not unlike my humming stim.
    This is another one of those instances where spiritual leaders and common sense promoters from all walks are followed by lots of people (those that like to follow people, and try to figure that out if you're Autistic. sheesh!), and are encouraged to be, in this case, honest. People strive for this all of their lives and work so very hard for it. Some spend years in therapy trying to "get real."
     Connect it with Autism, and it's a problem. Again, that is a social thing. Even honesty is perceived as a problem when connected with Autism. Call honesty a matter of human growth, common sense or common compassion, and there is no questioning it. Give those same traits to someone with Autism, and it needs medicating, therapy or some kind of fixing.
     I swear it makes me not wonder why the world has tried to get rid of so many compassionate honest people. I could cry. I don't need hope for autism. I need hope for the rest. Some people lie so much. I think that one day without lieing for many could change the world for the better tremendously. Try to get some to go first, and I won't envy your struggle. More will follow than will lead, so simply begin. Then you get the ones that say, "Well, everyone else does it."
   No, not me. I'm not that tough, surely someone else could survive it, and they just might find themselves liking themselves and other people more. I do, even the liars. I watch what they go through, and my heart breaks. Someone has to care, might as well start here.
   Ready? I believe in humanity's ability to get real, but I get impatient with them sometimes. I think they are scared out of their minds most of the time, and I think they resist love up to their deaths sometimes. I think they don't accept themselves, and that's why they can't accept others. I also think that I got  here at the wrong time or maybe I'm in the wrong place, because some days the clamour of a world trying to get ahead, trying to know it all before all is known, hiding behind social chit chat and what's fashionable, and crowd following are enough to make me want to hide and not try again.
    They are worth it, though. I know to the depths of my being they are. I'm not gone yet, and at least one person out there is going to hear that there is nothing about you that needs hiding, covering up, lieing about. You are beautiful, and being you is the greatest gift you have for yourself and others.
   And they will hear it, if it takes all of the tenderness I've got, a cat of nine tails or the last painting I do. Dammit, people. Give yourselves a break. Be real. You are far more worth it than you may imagine, and far more important than what you imagine others want to hear. There are truths, ideas and creativity in you that I need to learn and grow from.
   Here's your freedom: Be you, and run with it. The world desperately needs you as you are.
tina jones

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