If I have any talent, it's that of putting carts before horses.
I always thought I had to feel good to do anything good, but I realized (through the patience of dear friends) that if I did it, I might come to feel it.
Feeling good became the result of action.
The last few days have been difficult for me. I had worried myself into a full blown meltdown. The knowledge that worry has never accomplished a thing for me, hasn't stopped me from indulging in it, as often as I wish it would. Fortunately, through years of practice in taking care of myself, not trying to please others, meltdowns don't happen but a few times a year for me now. This was, at one time, a daily occurrence, then weekly, monthly, etc.
Meltdowns: For me that means a shutting down of emotions, followed by a near fetal crying bout, and a general sense of doom. It happens. I had gotten so deep in to other people's problems, put on my Joan of Arc suit, and mentally beat myself up with it.
Fortunately, there are surrenders beyond surrender. For me, I can't stuff the feelings. Feelings are patient things. They will wait for me, and come out at the most inopportune times!
What works for me: I let it happen. I get down in it, crawl in it, roll around in it, and get it done and over with. I don't cry, I bawl, I shake, I feel every last bit of it, because I've no mind to save that stuff up for later. Today's leftover emotion will seep into tomorrow, if I don't feel it now. Once my eyes are sufficiently puffy, nose blown and breathing again, I get to work! Work, means being gentle with myself, and taking steps to get back to balance.
I used to believe that other people made me happy or unhappy. (Yet another instance of cart before horse) The truth is that when I take care of me, get myself in a happy place, I attract happy people. They can add to it, but they can not "make" me happy. They can't take it away either. I am responsible for me, and when I remember that, all sorts of wonderful things happen.
Some of the things I may do privately are play a game, sing poorly, shower, take a nap, move to another room, clean a room, mess up a room, dance poorly (I'm a natural)......anything to shift my track. Some of the things I do involving others, are to listen to music that makes me feel good, paint something even badly,..... yes right in the middle of not feeling good. I find something, anything that I think someone, anyone else might enjoy, and I send it to them. It doesn't matter who it is. When I am that down, I've become internally stagnant and stuck. Those emotions are sitting there like pond water, and my task is to get that flow moving again. I send something good, look for more good, and as I do, I change!
I change! The circumstances don't change. I do. After a little while, without trying to feel better, thinking only of adding to the lives of others, I begin to feel better. I can wash my face, eat something, rest, etc. Often I find myself laughing. I have to get me out of my own needs, and see what I can do for others.
The feeling of usefulness, happiness and even joy returns. Regardless of the circumstances, I get a sense of , all is right with the world, everything is OK in this moment, I'm safe, and there is once again hope.
I am a serious advocate of pure silliness! This stuff is the work of masters, and I make my best attempts. Silly has a way of soothing the most heavy of post-meltdown states for me, and I highly recommend it. More than anything, tender care followed by giving to others and coming out with silly, has been the most healing of acts to me.
Importantly, I can't just jump from meltdown to silly. It doesn't work that way. I've got to feel it all, be of service somehow, then my lighthearted spirit returns. It is worth the work every time.
Though hair styling may seem to have nothing to do with this post, here is the joyous silly that came out of this meltdown. Nothing so much heals pain for me, as a good laugh at myself. It's a gift to help you find a smile, if you're down, and it helps me return to myself. Hope you get a laugh...
Pin Up Curls No Heat (Speed Humor)