Ongoing Understanding of Neurotypicals: A Cure

I'd like to know what causes Neurtypicalism.
    I don't want to cure all of it, just the parts that make them uncomfortable. You know, like competiveness to the point of self injury like in football, wearing high heels or incurring debt just to fit in, or the following of groups they don't agree with just to be part of a social group, thus being untrue to themselves causing ulcers and any number of neurosis. Then there's the talking when one has nothing to say that sometimes causes them distress in having to chit chat. This can put off dinner to appease neighbors in order to keep neighborhood peace with people they may not even like when family they love is waiting, thus causing hungry people if not disgruntled families.
     If we could cure the need to fit in, then it ought to follow, they'd have less trouble with others who were different. Neurotypicals who'd sing in the shower, get giddy and jump about like cheerleaders by sheer natural joy, would have less problem with hand flappers like me who are doing the same thing, if quieter.
    No, it's probably better to look to myself for the problem. I have a problem with acceptance, perhaps. I need to just accept them like they are, even if they don't make sense, even if their joys and sadness are expressed differently, comfort when I can, encourage when I can, and realize that everyone has their own ways, even neurotypicals. I also realize this won't be heard as the love it's intended in, because not all are capabable of stepping into another's frame of mind. Love them anyway.
    As far as what causes Neurotypicalism, as far as I can see, it must be fear of rejection. What we autistics can do to help is embrace them, and accept them exactly as they are. Some day, they may be able to do the same. Some already have. There is hope.
tina jones

72 Questions I've Been Asked (Humor and Other)

I'm amazed by the questions I get asked.
Some interesting inquiries and comments have come up privately, and sometimes they come up publicly. Often these come up in everyday talk of art, so they may be useful to others.
   Some are about Art. Some are about Autism/Aspergers, and some are about at the end of my limits!  It seems more time conserving to write the answers here, rather than answer individually.

Quickly, this should cover most of them:

1.   How big are they? Think of your mother, your aunt and your grandmother, put them all together along with any vision you may have, subtract the b.s., and you'll be there.
2.   How long are your legs? They keep my butt from dragging the ground.
3.   You have no ass! You have no hobbies, obviously. Look up any picture of "The Three Graces," and get over it.
4.     How do you grow your fingernails? I don't gnaw them off. I also eat a good amount of protein, and can't stand snags. Those are filed as soon as possible. They don't get a chance to catch on anything and break. I'm sure genetics are involved as well.
5.    How do you get away with charging $900. for an oil portrait? When you charge $100, people tell you what to paint. When you charge $900, they're just glad you're painting. I average about 3 commissoins a year for several years now.
6.    Why aren't you married? I tried three times. It's not one of my talents.
7.    Where were you educated/who taught you to paint?  I have no formal education, and I didn't take lay classes. I have a neurological disorder (Asperger's Syndrome) that cripples me when around many people, and it also sets me in the 98th percentile intellectually when it comes to memorizational skills. (Yes it was tested.) I was born memorizing faces. Practice for decades followed by reading some books rather than chewing the backs off of them, led me to understanding and learning things like how to mix mediums. I was not born knowing what turpentine was. I also asked a lot of questions of other artists. Some of them will even tell you the truth.
8.    How do you memorize faces when people with Autism have face blindness/forget faces? Many times I know a face, but have no idea who they are. I forget people, but I rarely forget a wrinkle, a freckle or the hair growth pattern of their eyebrows. Names, unfortunately don't stick.
9.    Why don't you know about html, nuclear physics, and why can't you memorize the phone book like Rain Man? I have no interest in phone books. I don't like to talk on the phone, and I've no interest in being anyone's side show act. Physics of any kind, however does interest me, though I know little about it.
10.   What kind of shampoo do you use? I switch between different kinds and brands, but I do have a liking for green bottles. No idea why... I don't shampoo more than once every few days unless I've done sweaty work, and I don't use a lot of gooey products in my hair.
11.    Do you work out? Do I look like someone who likes to sweat?!
12.   I still don't get it? How in the world is someone born knowing how to draw or paint?! Think of it this way. Let's say you were born somehow knowing on some level about your sexuality. Small examples appeared as soon as you were able to express and demonstrate liking for certain toys or people. Later, you instinctively knew  you were supposed to do something with this inborn ability. Eventually, you figured it out, and with dedicated practice even at times obsession, you got good at it. Now, the rest of the world had to go to college for six years to figure out what goes where and why or to even begin to play with toys and like minded people, but you just had it in you from birth. By golly, You're a natural! That is how I know how to paint.
13.   Sexuality? You're a sex maniac like all artists! Ok let me try again. Let's say your grandmother was born with a flair for food flavors. She didn't know the names, but she knew what tastes went well together. Through passion and desire, she tried an idea or two, and at the age of five made one hell of a good cake. It looked like a miracle to everyone around. Dedicated, even obsesively at times, she practiced and became an excellent cook. Now, I was not born knowing any of this. I only ate one flavor at a time. I can, however follow your grandmother's recipe and make a pretty good cake. She was born with it, I had to learn it. She knows cooking like I know painting.
14.    Do you think measles vaccines cause Autism? I don't know. I never had them. Scarey, huh? grins I had both Rubella and Rubiola in the first three weeks of my life, before the vaccines were scheduled, so there was no need for them. Can they cause Autism? I don't know. Did they cause mine? Obviously not.
15.    Why don't you know everything about painting if you were born with it? I've not needed or been exposed to everything. I'm only 46, and I'm still learning. When I need something, I learn it, just like you do. I just learn better on my own than from books or others. It's neurological.
16.     If you're so smart, then why can't you fix my car? I don't know anything about cars.
17.    What were your favorite subjects in high school: Math of any kind and Science. Both break down the small parts of things, and are tidy precise works. I like that, and the same applies to my way of doing art.
18.     Why don't you eat sugar and grains? When I did, I got horrendously fat. When I quit, my appetite went down, and I lost the extra pounds.
19.    But the FDA Food Pyramid says.....: They also approve drugs that get class action law suits for dammages roughly three years after each drug is approved. My body says, "Don't eat it."
20.    What the hell is that hum in your voice?: It's stim. Many people with Autism have them. That hum is a vocal stim.  I also flick my fingers against the palm of my hand, hand flap if very excited, rock to and fro, and have a go at tongue chewing when it hits me. Try it. It may calm you down too.
21.     Did you ever try to stop stimming? Yes, I was punished for it as a child. For example, I used to thump my head on the floor gently and rhymically to calm myself. I was told by the person who "helped" me with that, "I just took the back of your head and slammed your face into the floor like a basket ball." They are quite proud of their achievement, and laugh about it. I don't find it funny, I find it abusive. As a teen and young adult, I tried to hide the stims and tone them down, but I was never totally successful. Aging, life experience and resetting my priorities, helped me let go of what other's thought, relax and just be myself. If stimming bothers them, they have a problem, and I can't help them with that. It works better to be true to myself.
22.     Can you cook? Only if I'm hungry, and even then it's not pretty.
23.    Are all artist really sex fiends? You do paint naked people.: No, but many non artists have a very rich fantasy life that extends beyond the bounds of logic. It is exceeding difficult to do anything else while painting, let alone consider having sex. Paint is a lot of hard work, inborn or not. It takes focus, and at the very least the other person would be cheated of my attention. I'm not someone who can read a book during sex either, by the way. I tend to get involved. Also, reading takes a lot of focus. I'm very slow at it.
24.    But you look at a naked person for hours and don't get turned on? I know your musculature and your bones. I also know the inner workings of your kidneys. That doesn't turn me on either.  What I'm basically looking at is your particular dispersion of fat. That will determine how light plays differently on you than the next nude.
25.    I can't draw/paint, because I wasn't born with talent like you: More than anything, I was born with desire. If you have that, anything is possible. I also practice a lot. If you do that, you'll get better. Further, I've seen many from simple Bob Ross type painting through portraiture without them knowing how I "learned" it. Talent or in my case a neurological bend doesn't mean anything without hard work.
26.    But I'll never paint like you! No, and I'll never paint like you. The world needs all of us, and all of our art. Don't short change it, by not doing your very important part. And don't shortchange me. I may learn something from you.
27.    Would you marry me? :Would you like to be slapped? What have I done to you?
28.     Do you ever donate paintings? Yes, I do two charity works a year, but that is my limit, and I'm backed up until next year. I choose who I do them for based on how helpful I think they'll be.
29.     So you're a self taught artist: No, again. It's built in. Are you a self taught breather? You knew it, not intellectually, but instinctually. Later, you may have learned controlled breathing exercises, later I learned how to mix mediums, colors and what not.
30.     Will you meet me at..? Not a chance in hell or earth.
31.     Why don't you charge for telling people how to paint? I wasn't charged for it. I'm sure given time, you could do it on your own, and I get joy from helping and seeing others get it. You don't need me to learn, I'm just here to remind you of that. The online stuff is free. What I have charged for is when people want to meet me to paint. The lessons are free, me being around people costs.
32.   You can paint anything! No. I have trouble with multi-layered flowers. It's more an annoyance than a disability, especially if the flowers are pink. The color irritates me.
33.    Are you into bondage? If you cannot sit still and pose while I paint you without the use of ropes, then I simply will not paint you.
34.    Why aren't you in all of the competitions?: How does competition add to my desire to help others learn how to paint? I get as much joy if not more from seeing them succeed. Competing against them is counterproductive to my desire. I'd rather challenge myself, my last painting, than worry about outdoing someone else. I find it a waste of time. That said, I do enter one competition a year just to see if I can outdo myself. So far, they've not let me in, so no one is in any danger. grins.
35.   Why won't you meet me? It's not personal. I just don't like you.
36.  But I don't have any money to paint: Use food coloring or coffee, and a shoe string on a piece of news paper. Show me your results, and together, we'll make it better.
37.    How did you learn to paint skin?: That one was harder. I had the misfortune of having bruises regularly as a child, and I had access to some old makeup. The 70's had a lot of different colors. I used them on my own skin to try to cover marks. I found that yellow for instance will cover a purple bruise, green eye shadow would tone down a red mark, etc. I got pretty good at it. The same works on a canvas. If the subject is too yellow, add purple, too red, add green, etc.
38.   Oh sorry: Stuff happens. I learned, moving on.
39.    Aren't you angry about this? I was for years, but anger is exhausting. They did the best they could. It was a crappy job. To remain angry is to remain enslaved. I'm free, safe, I've let go, I wish them well, I can't help them, and I'm content. Blame is a useless endeavor, and a good way to keep from being responsible for one's own choices. I'm a big girl now. I choose happiness.
40.    I think you're a Light Seeker, Angel, an Indigo Child,  my Soul Mate! Sucking up about meeting is not going to make it happen. I think you're nuts, and suggest getting help, but not from me.
41.    But don't you want recognition?! For what?
42.     For teaching people how to paint? I haven't taught them anything. I show some techniques. The rest is up to them. I just remind them that they can do it. They always could. Something about life makes people forget, I think.
43.    Fine! If you're an artist who's not a sex maniac, then how many people have you slept with?! Fewer than I've had sex with.
44.    So I've read people like you have no empathy, are you mean? No, infact I feel so deeply that it incapacitates me at times. Other times, the way I feel empathy and act on it, is very useful. Picture a fight between two very rough boys. One is getting hurt bad. Normal empathy is displayed in a group watching. Some empathize with the winner, yelling to cheer him on, and others empathize with eachother at the horror by holding onto eachother in fear and perhaps crying. I do not have these kinds of empathy. What I feel is for the person being hurt. I do not join the crowd. My empathetic action is to run straight in and stop the fight. This makes me the odd one out to the group, therefore they do not see my empathy, but it is of little matter, if I stopped the harm.
45.   So, do you think normal people are stupid by the way they empathize? No, I think different ways of feeling and reaction are useful in different situations. I wouldn't be of much use at a group comiserating over the loss of a hair product, and that need in society is met by those who can empathize with it. I just put my hair in a bun, but many are debilitated by what others think. They need the empathy of those who can relate better than I. People like this are much better at creating bonds than I am, and it's an inherent to them matter of survival, so I'm not trivializing by mentioning hair products. It's just an example I've seen.
46.    Don't you care what others think about you? Ofcourse I do, but not much. I care more what I think.
47.    Why aren't you medicated for your symptoms of Autism like anxiety? Along with Autism, I am also a recovering alcoholic/drug addict. Medications act in a way that is unpredictable in all of these. Basically, if the insert says, "Rare side effects" you might as well put my name beside them. In some of us, they do more harm than good. In others, they are life savers.
48.    Why won't you come enter our show? If I did that, I fear, and have been even warned, press might be involved, and I do not want to choke anyone on camera! I do not like crowds or spotlights. Best to let paintings enjoy lights. I do not find myself nearly as fascinating as your paintings. Further, I am not a press opportunity. I am a person.
49.    Do you paint naked? Do you do your dishes naked? Wait, I don't want to know. Pigments in paint that are toxic like Cadmiums, Titanium and Cobalts among others can be absorbed through the skin. It's wise to cover oneself. Further, don't eat while painting.
50.   Why do you do glazing? Your paint is not thick enough! Thick paint was invented by the Impressionists. I'm not that impressed with it. Oh it's fine and even beautiful, but it doesn't offer the glow of glazing that I want. It's just a personal preferrence.
51.    What kind of music do you listen to when painting? I often paint in silence, but I do love Andrea Bocelli, and if I'm painting for sheer silliness, I'll listen to Pop music.
52.    Why the loose black and white paintings when I've seen your realistic oil portraits? When I had cancer, I was very limited to how much time I could sit up. Setting up with two colors, a medium and a canvas was quicker than the range of oils I needed, and Acrylics meant I could get a lot done in the short time I had. I set a goal of fifty, aware that I might not live that long. I've surpassed the goal by several. I've lost count. Now, they are just fun for me.
53.    So...the cancer. Are you ok now? Yes, thankyou. I'm cancer free.
54.    Can you still have children? I'm a grandmother! Back off junior!
55.     How do you make time for painting? How do you make time for hugging, dancing, yard work, cooking. My time is spent on what I love, just like yours is. 
56.   Will you paint my deceased Grandmother? No. I no longer paint dead people. It's hard to get them to pose (humor). Seriously, I found that the emotional reactions of those I painted for were too overwhelming for me.
57.    Do you paint from photos? Yes. I take as many as 20 photos, and choose what ones work best. Something will show in one that does not in another. I also often do sketching from life along with the photos. Photography can be blurred, enhanced or otherwise enough off that I need life to see what I'm doing. The photos are there for reference, not for copying.
58.    Do you ever use a projector? I have, but it's been years. Personally, I love sketching. It's my first love, and I enjoy practicing it. Not everyone does. I don't see a thing wrong with projectors, grids or what have you. They can certainly expediate the process, but why get something over with that you enjoy? Also, there will come a time in each painting where initial lines are lost, and an artist's ability to draw will save that painting. So, no matter the initial method, I do encourage continued drawing practice.
59.   Are you rich? No, coupon cutting is an art form, and thrift shops love me.
60.    How do you dress as an artist? I just cover it up.
61.    Why are you playing with that wad of clay? It's called a "kneaded eraser." It can be formed to erase either broadly or precisely. It feels good to play with. Get your own!
62.   Do you stand or sit painting? It depends on how high the work is, and if I can reach it. Also, for me, standing aides in looser work, while sitting gets me more precision, and is easier on my back.
63.   Who is your favorite artist? It changes daily. Any beginner that I see trying stands out as magnificent to me.
64.   Why do you paint people? I've not found anything more beautiful or fascinating by spirit or visage.
65.    Can you paint in black and white, color, in oils, acrylics, water color, guache, egg tempera, spit and dirt, lasagne, etc.? If it makes a mark, yes I can paint with it. (so can you)
66.     Where do you get your patience for painting? Again, it's built in, like many people's love for chocolate. Do you need patience to eat a candy bar? Same thing. You're hardwired to love what you love. So am I.
67.    How long does it take you to finish a painting? Until I'm done. Glazing in oils, anywhere from a few weeks to about 6 weeks. Looser acrylics, a day or two. The rest are somewhere in between.
68.    If not marriage, are you interested in being a concubine? I'm perfectly capable of painting anyone with horns and a tail, naming it, "!#*##(#*$##!" and displaying it publicly.
69.    Where do you get your strength to paint? I meditate.
70.     How do you meditate? I paint.
71.     Can I paint you naked? I have no idea. Let me see your portfolio.
72.     Will you let me paint you naked? No.

  
  
tina jones

Autism and Asperger's: Defiant Children

I'm sharing a personal story in hopes of providing insight to parents who are having trouble getting their autistic child to cooperate in social activities including educational ones.
  I received a failing grade in physical education my Freshman year of high school. I heard terms like, "defiant, uncooperative," etc. I was never very coordinated or athletically inclined, but that wasn't the problem this time. Our physical education for that quarter was swimming.
   I went to a large high school. My mother had bought me a bikini that covered well, because at the time, one-pieces that fit on one end didn't fit the other. I could buy two-pieces in the two correct sizes. I liked the color of it. It was a dark maroon, feminine but not flashy. I was 14 years old, and had reached my adult size a few years earlier. To provide an accurate picture, I was 5'8" and by sight, completely a woman. Physically and in many intellectual ways, I could match anyone. At 14, however I was still very much a child emotionally. I had no idea how to process or respond to the reactions of others.
   From the school, once dressed in our suits, we had to traverse a grassy front lawn that was roughly 1and1/2 city blocks, then cross the highway, then walk through the public park to get to the swimming pool.
   No one seemed to have a problem with that, so I doubted my self conciousness (that is natural at that age or any) and went along. Did I mention the boy's swim class was at the same time as ours?
   I swam or tried to. I was tired and cold when we got out and wrapped a towel around myself to ward off the chills. Boys, being their normal teenage selves, teased and taunted saying that I was hiding under my towel. They wanted it off, or so they thought, and that's normal too. Well, exhausted, trying to stuff embarassment, and not willing to put up with the teasing, I put my nose in the air, dropped the towell and drug it behind me all the way across the school's front lawn. The brazen boys went mute and many had to wait a while to begin walking again. It was a very quiet walk for me.
   Nonetheless, I knew they'd arm themselves with something to say the next day, so I simply refused to dress for physical education/swimming from that point forward through the quarter of swimming. It seemed like an obvious, simple solution to me to stop the activity that scared/bothered/embarassed me. From that point, I got scolded by the teacher and stared at oddly from the other females. "What in the world could be wrong with HER?!" seemed to be their question. I thought they must be slow, and couldn't figure them out. Couldn't they see this was treated as a jiggle-show, and didn't the boy's taunting bother them. Apparently, not. They didn't seem to mind blind following, and some even seemed to enjoy the attention. That's *normal* too, I guess.
   Ready for a trip inside? I can't tolerate the feel of grass, extreme heat from walking in the sun exhausts me, I loathe being the center of attention, was actually terrified of the attention of the males, cold, the chatter and jeers along the way......SENSORY ISSUES, and the need for coping skills I simply didn't have left me unarmed.
    If your interested in experiencing something close to these feelings, on a very hot day put on a bathing suit, walk roughly 6 blocks through populated areas with extra weights of about 80 lbs strapped to your shoulders. Stuff prickly thistle in your shoes to get the full grass experience.  Get some friends to go with you, and have a few of them clang cymbols in your ears for the duration. Swim a bit while listening to the cymbols, enjoy a moment's respit for as long as you can hold your breath underwater, if you like. Get out, and have a few friends drench you with ice water. Better yet, make it acquaintences instead. Add a full marching band out of tune along with the chills on your way back. Have several of them make lude comments about your body and loudly.
    Want to do it again tomorrow?
    Whenever someone showed what appeared to be aggression, I'd go mute. It wasn't until a few years later, when three of these boys confronted me on a walk home with my younger sister, that I went off. I had to protect her. I screamed at them to get out of their car and face me, telling her to run. I'd grabbed the door of the car as if to come in after them. I'd taken all of the taunting I could, and this day it was going to end. I knew full well I couldn't beat up three boys, but at least I'd save my sister.
   Well, apparently these young men had never seen a female act quite like that, or not me anway. I was quiet, helpful and a generally mild kid. They stopped laughing, refused to leave the car, and got real....ummm...submissive. Interesting how that worked out. I wasn't taunted by them again.
   Now, let's look at it from my parent's point of view. Their daughter wouldn't dress for P.E. She must be "defiant," right?
   As a kid, I loved rules. Knowing what was wanted of me made my life easier, whenever I could figure it out. I couldn't, just could not go against the wishes of my parents....unless I had to. Often I forced myself to do things involving sensory overload just to please them, and that being untrue to myself made me very sick a lot of the time.
   When your child refuses to do something, especially when it doesn't make sense to you, be aware that there is probably a very good reason for it. Be aware that they may not even have the vocabulary to explain it to you. They may not even know, as I didn't, that this wasn't a perfectly normal situation that they just have to put up with.  Importantly,  be aware that scolding, bribing them to do it, punishing them, and rewarding them to do it, only exacerbates the state of being untrue to themselves, putting themselves in possibly dangerous situations and at the very least going through a sensory hell to please you. PAY ATTENTION to your children. They may well know more of what's going on than you do. They are handling their world to the best of their ability. They are not bad kids or defiant. They are not trying to make your life difficult. They are trying to survive.
  On the upside, you're lucky. You've got a child who will not follow the crowd when that crowd gets into things the child feels is wrong. You've got someone who can think for themselves and act on what they feel is right. You have a child with integrity. You have a child with ideas all her own, or as my adult daughter said of her own children, "If any stranger ever tried to offer them candy to get in a car, they'd tell them to go to hell, and walk on!"
   I love a defiant child, and bravo to them!
tina jones