Despair, Hope And Imagination

  Thoughts on Hope.

I recently watched a video from Alain de Botton's, "The School of Life" on getting out of a despairing mood. It suggested hope as can come from imagination as a possible route. 

 

       I've painted and written, yet I don't see myself as containing a font of imagination. I follow such a pattern in painting that I wondered if I possesses even a spec, yet it turns out I have a lot!

    Worry is the evidence I can conjure imagination and profusely. It's more a gusher than a font. It's more difficult, however to imagine pleasant things in the midst of fear. I've thought a lot of movies lately and how we must suspend our belief in reality in order to experience the story and the emotions likely in the characters. This suspending of our reality may be just what it takes to dream again.

     I don't hope or dream, not in the sense of wishing for any person, thing or circumstance I don't already have. I don't long for some situation where I would no longer be me, having self-proved, "Wherever you go, there you are," far more times than those quicker on the uptake. 

     I didn't suddenly become unaware of societal standards for the dreams I ought to have. I just learned to laugh at myself more. I've a grand crush on reality in all it's annoyances and splendor. I'm grateful, and without expectation. I used to experience what I've heard called a "Divine Dissatisfaction" as described by Father Ed. Dowling, a Jesuit Priest from St. Louis circa 1930. I felt restless. I didn't know what I should want. I only felt something was missing. Hope, for me is an excellent stage for disappointment. This restlessness right in the middle of happiness or peace gave me a small space not to dream of something from the limits of my imagination, but that there might be some wonder I wasn't yet capable of imagining. If I'm so content, what's my worry with dreaming? Becoming content is not an easy path, because you have walk through giving up all the way to seeing what's right here in front of you bloom. It isn't done in an afternoon, and can take a lot of loss. The world has been through enough loss lately. I think they need to dream again...to hope. I was feeling quite alone in my affair with the present moment when I saw a friend had posted a loved poem by Mary Oliver. 

Wild Geese 

 "You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile, the world goes on. Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers. Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again. Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting -over and over announcing your place in the family of things." Mary Oliver

    I'd be an absolute hypocrite if I too didn't dare dunk my toes back in that ocean, dangerous as it may be. Now -what to dream? I could dream of more moments, not of things on the outside but expanding the inside, of seeing my own heart in more leaves, flights of birds and trees. Wait! Maybe I could dream others get what they want. Maybe I can dream peace of mind for everyone or would you rather something else? 

   A new job, car, home, love, that the pandemic go away? I wish, if they'd give you peace that I could give all of these. Maybe, then peace of mind is the path to all of our dreams and more. The car that would make us feel enough, the house with prestige, the end of illness and poverty, the romance that would give us a sense of home. All of these are temorary sensations, unless be bring serenity with us.

 I dare say, researchers for a cure approach their work with a clear mind and exacting focus on the moment too.  

   You and I may not be in the laboratories, but we may be among the families and friends, coworkers and even internet acquaintances of those who are. If my life is in their hands, it seems I'd do best to add whatever peace I can to their work, by simply taking care of my own serenity. The same goes for our effect on loved ones and those loading our groceries. Please don't underestimate the widespread need and healing effect of your own self care. Our own peace of mind can add to and even save the lives of others. All of us are touched by this disease, and to my mind, it's going to take all of us to get through it.

      We as humans have been through so much grave loss. I am so sorry for all that we have and will go through. For now, I find comfort in the moments of peace, the breeze, the turning leaf, and my fallible effort to comfort others. I can't stop all of this pain, but with all I have, in my heart, I sit with you. If not now, the time will come to feel it all, and it's mine to promise you, there is another sunrise after all of this, and there will be more reason to hope and dream.

 tinajonesart

Unapologetically Ourselves

Years ago, I attended an open drawing studio. 

I brought my sketch pad, some pencils and a kneaded eraser. I am oddly, approachable, or moreso than I'm usually comfortable with. I was more concerned this time about the comfort of the middleaged woman sitting in a white robe waiting for time to start drawing. I'm not good at chit-chat, but I seem to be able to leave my insecurity aside when I believe someone needs me to be more. I asked how long she'd modelled, and she happily engaged answering that and where she'd worked and soon it was announced drawing would begin with some short sketches. 

  The room was about 12x12 foot holding maybe ten people around a 4x6 foot platform, so there isn't much room to move to get a better perspective. I learned to work with whatever I had, and drew the backs of chairs or the bottoms of feet more than once. 
  The model did a very unexpected thing. Upon hearing we'd start, she turned toward me smiled, dropped her robe and lifted her joyous face and arms into the air. I scored a few mediocre sketches that night, but far beyond nudity, I won the right to shine, because she believed it was o.k. for her to do the same.

Don't be less than you. You cannot make yourself small enough that no one will ever envy you or try to cut you down to make themselves feel better in the absence of taking any action to believe in themselves. That job is theirs, and you can't save them their work. Yours job is to live. 
Don't be less of you.

Don't be less beautiful, intelligent, sexy or hard-earned strong. 
Don't be less funny, less caring or less loving. 
Don't be less playful, helpful, silly or ingenuitive. 
Don't be less talkative or less contemplative or less of a listener. 
Don't hold back when you dance, heal others, soap-box or make love.
Don't downplay  you in order to fit in or please anyone.
Don't restrict your paintings, your unborn novels, your discoveries, and the time you spend gazing at the surface of water or blowing bubbles. 
Don't downplay the work you've done, or how much blood you've spilled for something that looks like mere talent now.
Don't be less of you, neither cover nor dim your shine. Someone needs your light, and it may be that someone is ...you.


It's o.k. to try being true to yourself, and fall flat on your face.
It's o.k. to be scared.
It's o.k. to feel like you're not enough and to take up space on the planet anyway.
 It's o.k. to glow, then hide, and it's o.k. burst with light.

 Live your fullness, your ideas, your dreams. Be as glorious as you are, because there's also someone watching who may be even more afraid. Someone watches who may not know their own worth. Step into your sacred opportunity to be as amazing as you are for you, but also do it because someone needs to see you being happy in order to believe it's o.k. for them to be happy too.

tinajonesart

Are You Prepared For The...BEST?

So many are living in fear of a dreaded tomorrow, a time post apocalyptic, the invasion of zombies, an infestation of alien elbow fleas, or what have you. I hear talk of shelters, food and water gathering, protection. Many are returning to gardening and hunting in preparation for a nightmare.
 It could happen.
  I tend to find what I'm looking for. What I think about most is what I see. When my focus is on negativity, I find reasons to be negative.

 One question:
Have you prepared for the best?
It's as likely to come as anything. What if it should happen, your greatest dream? Are you ready? Say it's love or you've finally been recognized for your work. Are you prepared? Have you opened your heart? Have you done enough paintings for the show they may ask you to do?
  I've no particular connection to any belief system, and find little of use as far as biblical things, but there is one sentence I find most intriguing. "I go and prepare a place for thee." It speaks of love, and I in my heart prepare room for a beloved. I clear out old baggage of fears. I practice by loving myself and friends for the time when a beloved comes. I prepare paintings for a show I have not yet been asked to do. I prepare for my greatest dreams.
   When they come, will you be prepared?
tina jones