Last Night's Simple Dream

Last Night's Simple Dream

    It's a silly thing, I suppose - sharing something like a dream with no meaning and no reason other than that it was...it was just nice. It wasn't deep, and there's no plot. There's no moral to the story, and nothing to work out. No problems to solve, and nothing that memorable, except, it was nice.

  I'd hosted a small party of about 20 people for an informal, possibly pot luck, get together. It was my house, and nice and dark and comfortable. There were groups of 3 and 5's of people chatting in the living room and on the front porch. It was dusk and very relaxed. I had thought of opening my office/library for mingling, but had the French doors closed. I was looking around to see if I needed to tidy anything or if anyone needed coffee or sodas, when someone told me we had another guest, and it was Gene. 

   He was an old friend, and they said he needed to see me. I wondered what was up, but was glad to see him, and took him through the party, as everyone said their, "Hellos." I offered we could talk in the library, and he said, very cheerfully, "Why don't we go for a ride?" I thought it sounded like fun, so we went out the back door where cars were parked. I said, "Why don't we take both cars?" and he thought it was a great idea. I've no idea what happened to whatever it was he wanted to talk about. This was Gene Wilder, by the way. Great to see him, and I did not know him, but in the dream.

   I set out driving on a road I've driven on in many dreams. I don't know where I'm imagining, but it curves gently, and sometimes there's a bridge, and I drive off a small ramp to the Right and down to a creek that leads into the large body of water, and I sit alone on the large reddish or rust colored, smooth boulder with my feet hanging off, away from everyone, and I watch the water. It is the most peaceful, beautiful dream.

    This time, Gene was driving behind me, and I could see him smiling in the mirror. There is always a curve that I'm more careful on, so as not to go off the road. I saw it ahead just as Gene passed me smiling, and turned Right, out into the water, and I laughed, and thought, "That's just like Gene," and his car became a motorized John boat. He waved with a laughter filled, "Until next time," and I was glad I got to see him, and glad to see him happy. I thought I'd drive down to the little off ramp that took me to the boulder where I could sit and watch the water. I kept thinking it was a beautiful day.

tinajonesart

Unapologetically Ourselves

Years ago, I attended an open drawing studio. 

I brought my sketch pad, some pencils and a kneaded eraser. I am oddly, approachable, or moreso than I'm usually comfortable with. I was more concerned this time about the comfort of the middleaged woman sitting in a white robe waiting for time to start drawing. I'm not good at chit-chat, but I seem to be able to leave my insecurity aside when I believe someone needs me to be more. I asked how long she'd modelled, and she happily engaged answering that and where she'd worked and soon it was announced drawing would begin with some short sketches. 

  The room was about 12x12 foot holding maybe ten people around a 4x6 foot platform, so there isn't much room to move to get a better perspective. I learned to work with whatever I had, and drew the backs of chairs or the bottoms of feet more than once. 
  The model did a very unexpected thing. Upon hearing we'd start, she turned toward me smiled, dropped her robe and lifted her joyous face and arms into the air. I scored a few mediocre sketches that night, but far beyond nudity, I won the right to shine, because she believed it was o.k. for her to do the same.

Don't be less than you. You cannot make yourself small enough that no one will ever envy you or try to cut you down to make themselves feel better in the absence of taking any action to believe in themselves. That job is theirs, and you can't save them their work. Yours job is to live. 
Don't be less of you.

Don't be less beautiful, intelligent, sexy or hard-earned strong. 
Don't be less funny, less caring or less loving. 
Don't be less playful, helpful, silly or ingenuitive. 
Don't be less talkative or less contemplative or less of a listener. 
Don't hold back when you dance, heal others, soap-box or make love.
Don't downplay  you in order to fit in or please anyone.
Don't restrict your paintings, your unborn novels, your discoveries, and the time you spend gazing at the surface of water or blowing bubbles. 
Don't downplay the work you've done, or how much blood you've spilled for something that looks like mere talent now.
Don't be less of you, neither cover nor dim your shine. Someone needs your light, and it may be that someone is ...you.


It's o.k. to try being true to yourself, and fall flat on your face.
It's o.k. to be scared.
It's o.k. to feel like you're not enough and to take up space on the planet anyway.
 It's o.k. to glow, then hide, and it's o.k. burst with light.

 Live your fullness, your ideas, your dreams. Be as glorious as you are, because there's also someone watching who may be even more afraid. Someone watches who may not know their own worth. Step into your sacred opportunity to be as amazing as you are for you, but also do it because someone needs to see you being happy in order to believe it's o.k. for them to be happy too.

tinajonesart