Detachment

I don't know if others realize this, but things happened before I was born. Really, they did.

      There were parades and protests, people fell in love too. There were wars. Babies were born, and some people died. Buildings were built, and taken down. Books were written. Paintings were done. There were songs and pieces of music. Diseases happened. Cures happened. Sometimes people got treated badly. Sometimes there were breakthroughs, and they got accepted. Flowers grew. There were forest fires, hurricanes, and sunsets. Entire species came into being, and some went away. People had jobs, and some were looking for jobs. It rained. Lipstick and light bulbs were invented. Religions and exercise routines came into being, and some of them were even pretty good, sometimes, but not always. Nations formed and dissolved. Business contacts were made. Contracts were signed. Contracts were broken. Cherry pie was eaten. Squirrels chased each other around trees. Earth orbited the sun. Ocean waves ebbed and flowed. People sneezed. Couples held hands. Moms worried. Dad's played. People worked too hard. People played too much. Grandparents told stories. Socks got holes in them. Jokes were told. Hair grew. People gossiped. Someone helped someone else. Monkeys threw dung. Camels spit. Children made up rhymes. Crickets chirped. Fashions changed. One person fed another. Someone slept with someone that other people didn't approve of. Someone married someone they didn't want to. People cared. People didn't care. There were murders. Entire communities gathered together to raise a barn for only one person, just because.

    All of this and more happened before I got here. I really don't think that when I'm gone much will be different. I also think that my being here now, is a matter of me playing one of the parts. Nothing is ever missing, and I'll get replaced, just as I replaced someone.

   There is a certain relaxation to it for me. I'm not that important. Special, to some, sure, but none of these things were dependant on my arrival, and they wont stop, when I leave.

    Somehow, I get the feeling that everything is right with this place, always has been and always will be.
    I spent a great deal of my life in causes, in protestations, and trying fix things as I saw fit. Political wonder and Joan of Arc (in my mind), I was going to straighten out this planet, as if after all of this time, suddenly I appeared and was sent it to reform everything. No, I'm here for you.
   I play a part, just like the rest of us and we create and re-create the balance that's always been.
   For now, my part seems best as the nonjudgmental observer, open heart and arms. Sometimes I'm the hand holder, the painter, and now and then I affix myself to a cause. ha...
    The world doesn't need me to fix it. It may not even need fixing. When I can step back, I think that maybe it's (we) are all in a process. Everything evolving, and in my short time here, it isn't likely I'm going to see much of it. 
Mine is just to put the next stitch in the tapestry, and hopefully with some degree of humility, gratitude, even humor and joy.
    We don't have much time, and I seriously doubt I'm here to save anyone from this evolution. I'm just part of the dance.
tina
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How To Say, "No."

   No, is one of the most difficult words in the English language, and likely in other languages. It hides in "maybe," "I don't know," and even "yes" sometimes. We regret having said, "OK" and end up resenting the people we said, "Maybe" to, all in an act to avoid the uttering of the word, "No."
  It's not an evil word. It's not a bad word, it is a nice word, and the people who care aren't going to drop off of the face of the planet if we say, "No." Those who do disappear, are simply making room for a better friendship in your life. When we hang on to people who would use us, we steal a happier self from those who really do care.
  Come on. Try it with me, "No."......"No, no, no, no, no." See? Nobody died. Whisper it in private, or practice in the mirror if you need to, just to see how it feels. You will be able to say it to another human being despite the lump in your throat, the sweating and even the shaking.
  We hear the word, "No, so much as toddlers, that it's one of the first words we learn, and then get scolded for saying it. It doesn't feel good. It feels wrong, and forbid.....it feels mean. Nothing,  however is more cruel to a friend or loved one, than our saying, "Yes" to something we don't want to do, then resenting them for not reading our minds. The resentment can last for ages, and destroy tender relationships, when all that was needed on the spot was a "No." Painful, mean or frightening as it sounds in the moment, "No," is one of the most merciful and loving (Did you hear that? "LOVING") words that can be said.
   No reason is needed for the word, "No." If you provide a reason that you can't do or won't do what's being asked, the person requesting will find a way to fix that reason for you. Not wanting to do a thing is reason enough. "No." is enough to say. There are multitudes of ways to say, "No." The easiest and simplest is a kind and firm, "No." I've gathered a few, "No's" that have worked for me. Use them, and use them often enough to ward off resentment.

1- "No."
2- "Hell, No!"
3- "Yes, but NOT with you."

   So many trusts are broken by unspoken, "No's." Often, we blame others, when the responsibility laid  in our own laps. We were dishonest, when we said, "Yes" to things that went against our truest selves. We can become more real with the ones we love.
  Suppose you commit to saying, "No," once a week for practice, and you mess up once? You can go back to the person, and say, "I was wrong. I need to say, "No" to this." Make it ok with you to be wrong, to make mistakes, to step in something, and step right back out of it.
   The beauty of "No," is more than freedom from resentments. Once people get used to you saying it, they begin to trust that when you get to say, "Yes," you mean it completely. When we are more true to ourselves, we are more true and open to others. "No," is a very, very loving word.
 
   Peace be with you, and those you love.
tina jones


"Kiss Off"
(Self Portrait)
11x14"
Acrylic on Canvas