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Sunday, February 6, 2011

Censorship and the Artist

 Fine painting you have here! GENIUS, SIR!
   Thank you, I was a little concerned about the light in.....
Well, You're the artist, Sir.
Yes. Do you suppose your gallery would consider...?
 Hmm.What have you titled this work?
 "Nude on Canvas"
 Fine name it is, at that!
 So do you think..?
Well Sir, it's just that some of our clientele are, well...sensitive...
 Uh huh....
And well, Sir..You have genitalia showing in your painting.
  I see.
 If, perhaps you might..somehow..just cover the area?
 Well, Sir we have an array of decorative paint swatches. Might I suggest, white, or something in eggshell?
  White will do.
Very Good Sir!
  Ok, Do you think your.....
 It's just that... I don't like mentioning these things, but well...nipples.
   Say again?
 Nipples, Sir. They are showing in your painting.
   It's a man.
Still, Sir. Our clientele is of the utmost sensitive tastes.
  You're kidding, right?
 No, Sir. If you could just....?
   More paint swatches on the painting?
 Brilliant, Sir! Yes!
   Sighs, ok. That's three cardboard swatches. Now....
 I should mention, Sir that we've had people complain about ummm (sshhh) Fingers.
 You see, Sir. Some of our clientele have mentioned that some people sexual things with their fingers, so they think it only wise to not show fingers in a painting.
   Fingers huh? I'll be damned.
Sir, If you could refrain from cursing...
   Of course, yes. I'll just put these swatches here and here.
 And Sir if it wouldn't be too much trouble, the mouth?
    Don't even say it! I'm covering it now! Are these people medicated?
 Our clientele, Dear Sir is always right.
    Yeah, I should probably calm down. I mean I do want to show my work, after all.
Precisely, Sir.
    So, Now, the genitalia, fingers, nipples and mouth are covered. Do you think...
 I don't mean to nit-pic, Sir, but there is an awful lot of skin showing.
.  It's a NUDE!
Sir, This is a dignified establishment! Keep your voice down.
   Sighs, so.......swatches?
 If you don't mind, Sir.
   Do have another box of them?
 Right here, Sir.
   Thank you.
 As always, of course. We tend to our artists, Sir.
   Ok Fine. Everything is covered but the hair.
   FINE, The HAIR is covered too. It's nothing but a white canvas.
 Ah, now THIS is art! Expressive, original ...but
 The title, Sir. "Nude on Canvas?"
   What about it?!
 It's the word Nude, Sir. Our clientele find it to be overtly suggestive.
   Sighs, "ON CANVAS?!!!" How's that?!!!!
 It raises an eyebrow, Sir. The word "ON" is obviously perverse.
 Sir, Please don't make me sing "Let's get it *ON" by Marvin Gaye. What do you think he meant by "ON?"
   You're a nutcase, you know.
 Sir, It's only for our clients and in your best interest.
   So, "Canvas?!"

"Nude 7"
Acrylic on Canvas

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